Nanny is never home

(298 Posts)
Strawberryjam45 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:42:19

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

OP’s posts: |
Shurl Tue 21-Sep-21 11:44:29

Surely it's because she thinks she is being helpful taking him somewhere where he won't be distracting you from work?!

Talk to her if you don't like it.

SheABitSpicyToday Tue 21-Sep-21 11:45:10

I don’t really see what the issue is tbh.

LuchiMangsho Tue 21-Sep-21 11:45:36

I would find it boring to be at home with a 17 month old also? If he’s happy then why are you concerned?
If she’s loving towards him, keeps him engaged then do you care where exactly they are? I don’t and wouldn’t. In fact I had a nanny who hated going out and that was much much worse.

whatswithtodaytoday Tue 21-Sep-21 11:45:45

Being at home with a young child is boring.

BIWI Tue 21-Sep-21 11:45:46

I really can't see the problem with this!

Would you be happier if they were inside all day and your child just in front of the TV?

And, as you've said, they're not out all day - they come back for lunch - and she's doing a mix of things with your child.

Spending time with her child is a different thing. Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it, as long as my child wasn't becoming less of a priority.

Sounds to me like there's an awful lot of positive stuff here.

FawnFrenchieMum Tue 21-Sep-21 11:46:14

If she’s taking him to age appropriate classes then I’d be less bothered then her ‘wondering the shops’ Isn’t her teen DS at school?

She’s bringing him home for nap & lunch so keeping him in a routine?

I’m really sure exactly what your concerned about.

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SylvanasWindrunner Tue 21-Sep-21 11:47:06

That sounds great to me! Being out and about, doing classes, DD loved going to the shops at that age (still does). He sounds like a lucky boy! Does he seem happy and enjoy being with her?

PurBal Tue 21-Sep-21 11:47:09

What you describe is what I do with my DS. I’m out as much as possible (though sometimes it’s the weekly shop rather than classes). I hate being in the house with DH there.

Sparklingbrook Tue 21-Sep-21 11:48:28

I can see both sides really. Does she feel the need to be out because you are WFH and worried about noise etc?
If you were going out to work you wouldn't know really.

I remember having small children that being out was often easier, and even just a walk around the shops was interesting to them.

As for the classes I wouldn't really mind, I don't think a 20 minute drive is too much.

PrancerandDancer Tue 21-Sep-21 11:48:38

But being a home all day with a 17 month old can be boring... I always used to be out with mine. Days at home felt like I was trialing them clearing up their distruction 😂 with a bit of quality playtime thrown in.
Why does them being out bother you?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Tue 21-Sep-21 11:50:08

She's probably taking him back to her house so she can get on with stuff there.

Why would her teenage son want to go to a class with her and a toddler? Thats odd.

Minnie888 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:50:15

I can see what you're saying OP. Yes being out of the house a lot is nice with a young baby but all of the time? Twice a day for long periods is too much I think. Little ones also need to learn being at home can be ok and how to play, learn to build muscles etc. A balance would be better. If guessing I would say it probably is related to you being there, out of the way or not, you'd hear every time there was a cry or tantrum and she may be uncomfortable with you overhearing...

Strawberryjam45 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:51:27

These comments are really useful-thanks. I guess I'm comparing it to if I was at home. I might pop out once during the day with DS and that's it. To me, it seems they'll pop into a supermarket or the shops most days (admittedly we have a big shopping Centre near us). I guess my concern is whether she's prioritizing DS or prioritizing just getting out of the house to go to the shops or run personal errands (chemist/post office). DS loves her and seems very happy tbf so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.

OP’s posts: |
Holidaytan Tue 21-Sep-21 11:53:13

It’s very dull being in someone else’s hone with a small child all day.
If it’s your home, you can potter, get other odd things done, but having the child as your sole occupation is hard all day, everyday, indoors.
Walking somewhere, having a change of scene, makes the day more interesting for both the child and adult

Strawberryjam45 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:53:36

So her teen is a girl. And it's just if they go shopping/a museum/park, sometimes the teen will join too. I understand that she would go along with her mum to her previous nanny jobs so I think she's very comfortable with babies.

OP’s posts: |
SylvanasWindrunner Tue 21-Sep-21 11:54:18

We were out all the time when DD was that age (pre Covid). We would often be out for four or five hours, depending on what we were doing. I found being at home all day very slow! So I think it's maybe that you just have different approaches.

Strawberryjam45 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:55:08

@Minnie888, agreed it probably is. My husband was WFH too until recently and although we tried to stay out of her way, I can understand if it was a lot to deal with

OP’s posts: |
Caramellatteplease Tue 21-Sep-21 11:55:10

With a nanny I would be expecting all activities to be child centric. I wouldn't expect shopping was on that list unless she had specific resources turning it into an active learning experience or you had asked them to.

Geamhradh Tue 21-Sep-21 11:56:19

Sounds great to me.
Would you prefer he was in front of cbeebies all day?

Geamhradh Tue 21-Sep-21 11:57:23

Caramellatteplease

With a nanny I would be expecting all activities to be child centric. I wouldn't expect shopping was on that list unless she had specific resources turning it into an active learning experience or you had asked them to.

You'd be wanting a governess/tutor then and to pay significantly more than a nanny gets.

Strawberryjam45 Tue 21-Sep-21 11:57:42

@Caramellatteplease agreed. I think that was my expectation. Perhaps it's unreasonable as there's only so much child-centric activities that you go out and do. But that's why I was at home for a fair bit of the day when on Mat leave.

OP’s posts: |
Sparklingbrook Tue 21-Sep-21 11:58:06

Caramellatteplease

With a nanny I would be expecting all activities to be child centric. I wouldn't expect shopping was on that list unless she had specific resources turning it into an active learning experience or you had asked them to.

It doesn't need to be turned into a 'learning experience' at 17 months everything by nature is a learning experience, being out and about is exciting.

BIWI Tue 21-Sep-21 11:58:26

Strawberryjam45

**@Minnie888**, agreed it probably is. My husband was WFH too until recently and although we tried to stay out of her way, I can understand if it was a lot to deal with

@Strawberryjam45 that's a rather big dripfeed! If you were both WFH then I can quite understand why she wouldn't want to be there all the time!

Ultimately it's up to you - if you want her to stay at home more, then you need to make that clear to her. It also sounds like you might benefit from asking her to be a bit clearer with you as to what they're doing/where they're going. Does she write a daily diary for you?

And if there are any specific activities you'd like her to do with your DC, (either in or out of the house) then you need to be clear about what those are too.

TokyoSushi Tue 21-Sep-21 12:00:17

Is she taking your child back to her house, it just seems a bit odd that she goes to classes over there. Probably a wild leap, but just a thought...

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