Am I going to have to go through this again?(44 Posts)
My DD is one and DP and I are planning on having another baby next summer once we have got our wedding our of the way. However, i had a pretty horrific labour last time round and have been wondering if there is anything i can do to prevent things getting so bad next time.
Here is my story from last time round if you've got a spare hour .
It is something that is really bothering me. Dp and I had a scare a few months back and i was in tears just at the thought of having to go through this again
My personal opinion is that i should never have been left to labour for that long considering the length of time everything took, IMHO, I should've been taken for a C-Section. Now, I a not qualified at all and I'm sure Mears or Prufock would say that there wasn't enough of a reason but what can i do to esure that i don't have to go through this again?
My area isn't renound for our local hospital or health service, I'm not sure that just expressing my feelings to my Dr or Midwife would actually do anything.
I know this is a long way off yet but i am really worried about it.
SC, the only thing I can offer to help is an article I wrote a while back which looked at second labours, and the reasons why these are usually easier. Do CAT me if you would like a copy - I've sent it to quite a few MNers and I think it was reasonably helpful (it's not rocket science, but it is helpful!)xxx
Oh i'd love it MI. Will CAT you now. Thanks
dear Springchicken, I am sorry to hear your story.
here are some suggestions:
I think it would be really helpful to work through your experiences from last time with a professional (not just a friend). There might be a facility at your local hospital (at my local hosp it is called Birth Afterthoughts) or you could see if your GP wouild refer you for counselling or if you could afford it pay for it yourself. It might be worth paying if it will mean that you enjoy your pregnancy this time. And if you are feeling anxious then it will really not help your chances of having a good experience.
Talk through your options for this time with a sympathetic GP/MW/Obstetrician. If you don't like the one you see first then ask for another one and keep asking until you're happy! You may need to be assertive! You could also talk to a doula (professional birth supporter) or to someone from the NCT. e.g. you could ask for an elective C-section next time, if that is what you want, or say in advance that you want an epidural. (If you have been traumatised by your birth experience, then IMO this is a good enough reason to have an elective.) If you want a better chance of a decent midwife, then you might want to think about a birth centre or a home birth, or paying for a private midwife.
Rememeber, this is your birth and you deserve to have the best possible experience. It is worth a bit of a fight if that's what it takes, but best to get everyone on side well in advance.
Have just read your story and it doesn't sound dissimilar to my DS1s birth, apart from the rude staff and being left alone etc.
DS2's birth was much easier (not a walk in the park mind you!) I went for a few hypnotherapy sessions beforehand to help me relax since I had no positive memories of DS1s labour at all - I was taken away for 2 hours of repair work and didn't get to hold/see him for about 4 hours. I did feel much calmer about the second labour after the sessions.
Spring Chicken, I haven't re-read your story but I vividly remember your feelings and emotions surrounding the birth, if not the facts. I can understand why you are so worried about going through that again.
Did you receive counselling for what happened to you? If not then it is really worth looking in to. I think that whatever reassurances you receive from now on will not completely assuage your fears unless you are able to come to terms with what happened to you before.
I'm afraid I don't have any constructive information re. where you could go for help (other than trying your gp) but I think Mears may know of places/people to try. HTH.
I really hadn't thought about counselling, maybe that is a good option.
My hospital has private unit called "the Signet Wing" and i do have private medical cover, would this be included do you think?
I will ask my boss for all of my paperwork to see if it is.
Doula is also a really good option too, I am going to google to see if i can some more info about it in my area.
Is Prufock a doula?
It's interesting to note that usually (although not in my case ) in the US a woman is not allowed to labour past 24 hours after the waters have broken. I now believe that is a very wise policy. My emergency c-section came 33 hours after waters had broken when a doctor FINALLY noticed that ds was breech (previous rubbish midwives and doctors hadn't noticed - even with a scan ) The doctor who did my surgery though said that in his experience, even if ds had not been breech I would not have had an easy time of it and may have wound up with the c-section anyway as labour took so long, not dilating etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in your case I would think you could definitely consider an elective c-section, or put in your birth plan how many hours you are willing to labour before having a section, although I don't know if there's any problems doing that in the UK. Here doc's seem more willing to do a section. Before my experience, I questioned that, but not anymore!!!
Pupuce is a Doula.
And pregnancy/childbirth is usually excluded from private medical insurance although "complications" may sometimes be covered I think.
Knew there was a P in it somewhere. Thanks Soupy x
Jabberwocky, thanks for that. Although i don't think i would chose an elective C-Section, i think it is definitely a good idea to put some sort of time limit on the labour. i'd love to do it naturally, even after everything i went through with DD I was so pleased i had done it (after a couple of hours of course)!
Just realised from looking at another thread too that as i was not in "Established labour", my notes say i was only in labour for 11 hours!
How likely is my DR/Midwife to believe me over my notes?
Springchicken, I don't think you have to worry about being believed tbh. The fact is it was horrible, you feel traumatised and you want to know what to do to stop a repeat performance.
Thanks for sharing your story. I am experiencing these concerns myself after having a similar experience with the birth of our dd although the staff weren't as rude. My notes only mention the length of established labour as well, discounting the time they kept me in after my waters had gone and i seemed to be going nowhere. My problem is i only have 4 weeks to go and am starting to panic
Gosh Mummyhill, 4 weeks is a bit close. Not going to make you feel any better but i know if it was me, i would be a wreck Do you have the option to go private?
I have just checked my Health Insurance which states "Treatment for Abnormal pregnancy or abnormal childbirth, Full cover in any hospital on the most recent hospital list". Have checked the list and the private clinic within my hospital is listed. But what is classed as abnormal?
SoupDragon, the not being believed was a silly comment to make, was working myself up a bit.
I am pretty adamant to do it privately next time, there is no way i want to go through that again. But then i get so angry that you have to pay so much for a an average level of care, but that is a whole other arguement.
Can't afford private but Dh will not let them treat me the same way again, neither of us knew any better lastime round but as we have been there done that and worn the tshirt and spoke to a lot of other people about their experiences we are more confident about standing up for what we want.
Springchicken -- what a horrible experience. I had a horid first labour, although no way compared to yours, and a few of the m/w were terrible. The second time around it was shorter and the care was better although I still had to really make them believe that baby was coming.
I think the fact that you are even considering another birth is a good sign.
you mentioned your age may have been a factor, are you quite young? or more mature? i found that my age made the m/w treat me badly and i did look much younger than my actual age.
I too had a m/w saying it's meant to hurt and we should feel the pain etc.
anyway i have really rambled and haven't even given any good advice
I think if you can manage to go to a private hosp then go for it and talk to your m/w about your experience.
If you can't go private, is there another hosp you could go to?
May I just give you hope that in many cases subsecant(bad sp!!) labours are somewhat shorter and sometimes easier too.
mummyhill -- hope your labour and birth goes better than lasdt one. As you say you are more clued up and that helps alot.
Will let you all know how we get on this time round.
Hi Champs, I am 21 was 19 when i had DD and believe that was a huge factor. DP was only 20 at the time too and struggled a bit seeing me in such a state and not quite knowing how to deal with it best.
I am going to talk to DP about it properly tonight and see what his thoughts are.
SC, I didn't have a great first labour. Similar in length to yours, with 2 failed epidurals and a very disinterested agency midwife or just sat and scribbled without saying much.
Second time round it was so much better. I knew what was coming and was well prepared. I was all fired up to stand up for myself if necessary but it turned out that I didn't need to.
DS2 came in under four hours after a pessary and having my waters broken for me. The labour was extremely painful but knowledge is a wonderful thing. I felt controlled and calm throughout.
Obviously there are no guarantees but I believe that second labours are often a lot easier than first time round.
Keep us posted
Spring chicken, where abouts are you?? if you are interested in hiring a Doula, go onto the DOULA UK website and click on the Find a Doula pages you should find someone close to you. It may also be helpful for you to look at Birth Crisis and perhaps contact Sheila Kitzinger, who can put you in contact with someoen to talk over your fears with.
On a personal level, my ds1 had a horrififc birth, brady cardic trace on arrival at hospital, induced labour and Shoulder Dystocia. This left me feeling very distressed and i later was wrongly diagnosed with PND, I believe I had PTSS. After much discussion with others i was able to work through my expereiences and fears and have a comparitively normal and exhilirating birth with my DS2.
I wish you every luck and positive vibe and hope that it all works out for you xx
hiya!! yep me and dh (dp at the time) where taken for teenage parents without a clue.
At clinic we went to for pg test we had a right telling off by the doc and then when i went to antenatal visits it was horrible... wont go into it but it still hurts a bit.
It didn't help that i looked around 14/15 at the time but even if i was they had no right!
dh was very taken by how much pain and distress i was in too. The stupid m/w wrote in my notes that my brother came to get her... it was infact dh!! He was brilliant second time around as he new what to expect.
I got mistaken for 14/15 year old too. In fact i still do (had to convince corner shop man that i'm 24 when trying to buy ciggies for my sister!). DP looks about 20 when he is actually 30 (and he wears braces(for teeth not trousers)). Loved m/w's face when she found out dp has an 11 yr old too!!!
Ahhh, I digress. I had a nasty 1st birth and it makes me anxious to think of it. I would be quite happy with NEVER doing it again, but will as i want DS to have a sibling. I keep holding on to the fact that lots of people say that the 2nd birth is easier. Also, you know more what to expect and can write a clearer birth plan (i didn't even write one 1st time!!). You can arm yourself with stats and DH will have some idea what to expect and can be firmer.
I just wanted to let you know that I had a similarish experience to you, the midwife could not communicate in english very well and I didn't feel comforted or supported. The consultant came in waving the ventouse around and telling me how rubbish I was being. Had a lot of stitches following episitomy which said consultant didn't stitch properly, hence returning 6 months later for 'refashioning'. Like you was dreading 2nd delivery but it was totally different. I decided to deliver in an upright position this time and my midwife was really supportive and encouraged me to just go with the flow and listen to my own body - not once did she shout push at me! The labour was only 5 hrs and I just used gas and air. I felt so proud of myself afterwards. The baby was another whopper - over 9lbs again and I did tear a little, but nothing like last time and they really took time stitching me back up after I had written all over my notes that I was very concerned about this. This way six days ago and instead of feeling shell-shocked I can concentrate on breast-feeding and worry about other things! It doesn't have to be like last time - I would advise you to make your fears very clear on your notes and discuss with your midwife ways of making sure things go better next time.
Just wondering - have you thought about contacting the Birth Trauma Association?
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