Worried about pressure from so-called healthcare professionals

[babymomma]

Hi!
This is my first time on mumsnet and I really hope someone can put my mind at rest.
I am 19 weeks into my first pregnancy and up until this morning I was quite happy with my plans for both pregnancy and birth. However, upon reading an article I was dismayed to read that some women are having trouble during and after the birth getting what they want from the experience because of pressure from midwives and health visitors. In other words being pressured into giving baby vitamin k for example, or breast feeding. How much pressure is there on new and first time mums to conform? Already I have been told that I worked out my dates wrong (which I definatly haven't) and been told I couldn't possibly have felt my baby move (which I have), is this set to continue? If I'm being patronised now, how long is it before tney start taking my needs and wishes seriously?

[vickiyumyum]

oh don't want to be a pessimist(?sp) but wsa this just from the one midwife? if so i would say that it is her attitude rather than all midwives/doctors/etc

your midwife should be an advocate for you giving you enough information and providing you witht eh sources of information or where to get ehm for you to amke informed decision re the car of yourself/baby and family.

i would go to your nect appointment and see what happens, if the attitude is still the same, try and poitley explain that you feel that your experience is being spoilt and that you had hoped for more help and understanding and support and take it from there.

i hope that things improve at your next appointment.

[Janbo25]

i think it all depends on the midwife, i do feel that a lot of pressure is put on breast feeding and they seem to presume this straight away. I was given a form which came with my pregnancy folder which had a questionaire in so i could make informed decisions about vit k etc. it is important that you stick by what you want as pregnancy is a very special time xx

[mummyhill]

Not all midwives and health visitors are like this i think it depends on wether they have had children themselves or are dictating from the text books iyswim. I find that those with families of their own are very supportive and listen better than those without.

We had a health visitor who was quite dictatorial and kept treating me like an idiot till she had children of her own since then she has stopped quoting the text book at me and goes with the flow more.

What i am trying to say is that they are all different although all will push the breast is best message at the end of the day though the decisions are yours and yours alone there is no real right or wrong way to do it go with your instincts and i you will be ok.

[mogwai]

I found it depended on the midwife. Interestingly, the one who had three children of her own, and breastfed them all, assumed none of our antenatal group would bottle feed...I really had to pluck up courage to say I would be doing so....but I did.

The one who had never had children said "don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. It's not the end of the world". I was surprised she said that.

When we had our antenatal reunion, the midwife who was very pro-breastfeeding patted the hips of a woman who was having her baby weighed before mine. She said "look - breastfeeding mums get their figure back" or something along hose lines. The woman in front of me is quite small framed and had only ever had a small bump in the first place. I thought that was a bit of a mean comment - the baby wa sthree weeks old, it wasn't as though I could rethink my decision (or wanted to).

Ignore patronising comments, stand up for yourself, you'll be fine. I fiond a steely glare works wonders

[mandymac]

Hi Babymomma

I saw a real variety of midwifes during my pregnancy and with one exception they were all pretty good and listened to what I wanted, my key midwife said my birth plan probably wasn't as 'radical' as hers had been, so no pressure from her to conform, just sound advice on why certain things are recommended, eg: why induction recommended after certain date overdue, although she would have fully supported me had I decided not to be induced .

I made sure I had read up on stuff, so I had an informed take on things and wasn't just relient on 1 or 2 midwifes advice and could ask informed questions on things like vitamin K, birth plan, pain relief etc.

Wish I had been a bit more assertive with the one real horror, she came to visit at home after dd's birth, a few days after we got home and proceeded to physically adjust my breast feeding position by grabbing dd off my breast and telling me I was smothering her with my (somewhat ample) bosom - - how rude! Wish I'd given her what for, would now, but at that stage was a bit overawed by everything.

As others have advised, if you don't feel comfortable, try and speak up at the time, I know it isn't always easy.

[Chandra]

It all depends but my advice would be to go with the flow, I spent such a long time working in the birth plan and once at hospital I just forgot about it and just choose step by step, from the options I was given.

Regarding breastfeeding... well I was not that bottered because I planned to breastfeed but I notice that every question about formula or even expressing was not answered as completely as they would answer a bf question. But this was with the hospital course, the midwife kept out of it completely, she only asked if I wanted to BF or formula feed to include in the notes and that was it.

I believe that is a good idea to talk to your midwife about how are you feeling.

[mogwai]

I should have added, as somebody else did, that it's good to stand up for yourself, but it's difficult to do so at the time.

I'm a very confident, forthright person, but the day after my baby was born, the midwife in charge of my care on the post natal ward said a few things that were very patronising and she made me feel I was doing a bad job. Looking back, I was just too tired and shocked with what I'd been through to be able to put her right. I think it's only when you come away from the hospital that you put comments like that into perspective.

Hope it all goes well for you . Pregnancy was the toughest past for me. The birth was easy by comparison, and the baby-bliss afterwards is great!!