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Midwife trying to talk me out of homebirth

(21 Posts)
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 08-Nov-09 08:46:04

I have two midwives, I have no idea who I'll see at my antenatal appointment until I get there- it's whoever is least busy.

Anyway, one of these is very pro-homebirth and is very supportive. The other doesn't want me to have one. She said:

'When you have a homebirth just you remember the poor midwife who comes to you has been at work all day and she is very tired. No doubt I'll get a call out tonight for a bloody homebirth... and after the busy day I've had!'

This time I went to see her and she said 'oh you'll be lucky to deliver naturally let alone have a homebirth and they might even induce you early because you have 'CPD' (she meant SPD)'.

I don't want a section and I don't want to be induced- I'm refusing induction this time because I had a horrible hospital birth last time and had prostin pains that were worse than my contractions (even the 10cm contractions), they were pure agony.

So... I just feel very out of control again now. They sent DH home last time as they said I wasn't progressing quick enough. I had to call him half an hour later as I'd gone from 0.5-4cms in half an hour and they told me to ring him myself from my mobile as they'd seen it.

Babieseverywhere Sun 08-Nov-09 08:50:54

Poor you, I have had a negative midwife experience (twice actually )

My advice contact the supervisor of midwifes at your local hospital and arrnage a meeting to talk through all your concerns. She should arrange for an alternative midwive to attend you if the anti-homebirth one is on call.

Why she is a community midwive if she doesn't want to do homebiths is beyond me. Why doesn't she get a job at the local hospital ?

Celery Sun 08-Nov-09 08:55:59

She sounds like she really hates her job - not your problem! Speak to the Supervisor of Midwives, and tell her that you do not wish to see this particular midwife again. You may have to put it in writing.

IWasAdoredOnceToo Sun 08-Nov-09 09:05:34

YOu can ask NOT to have her

LynetteScavo Sun 08-Nov-09 09:10:14

Oh dear...I've never met a community midwife who has been this negative. In this area, you have no idea who might come out to your home birth, it could be anyon (or two) from a team of 10 or so. How likely is it you would have this midwife at your home birth?

Stick to your guns, if you want a home birth, it's your right, and if she doesn't like getting up in the middle of the night, that's her hard luck.

Toady Sun 08-Nov-09 09:10:34

shock Do contact your head of midwifery, in fact put it in writing that you do not wish to see this midwife again and you only want supportive midwifes who are happy to attend you at your homebirth.

I am sure if I was head of midwifery I would want to know that one of my staff was talking like this, she obviously needs some retraining and a refresher on what her job is really all about. If you end up with her coming to your homebirth sounds like she will try and get you into hospital at any excuse.

The more I think about this the more angry and appauled (sp?) I am for you, what a totally unprofessional midwife this woman is.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 08-Nov-09 09:10:57

Is this going to be the attitude of most of the midwives though or is she an exception? And is she right, will I need a section or get induced early for SPD? I'm planning to work until 37 or 38 weeks.

foxytocin Sun 08-Nov-09 09:21:25

Write a letter to the Supervisor of Midwifery at the Trust and copy it ot the team leader of the Community MWs (if she is one).

Tell them that you want a different midwife to be in charge of your care. Quote them that statement in you letter if you like.

If you go to www.homebirth.org, there is a form letter there to use.

If you'd like, you can see my form letter as I also had a rude midwife who lied to me about home births.

No having SPD is actually a good reason to have a HB and NOT to have an induction. Esp a home water birth. I had a HWB and also had SPD. It was the best decision I could have possibly made.

All the best. this sort of behaviour makes me angry on your behalf.

Toady Sun 08-Nov-09 09:21:53

No, it certainly shouldnt be, even if this midwife feels like this she is certainly unproffessional for talking to you like this.

There are some fabulous suppportive midwifes out there and if you complain / shout loudly enough you will get them.

I am having a home birth after 2 c sections and 1 vb, I have sent my midwifes into a bit of a tiz, but my notes have now been passed on to the head of midwifery to ensure that I do have experienced competent midwifes and most importantly to me are happy and comfortable to attend my birth.

Please write this letter, it is unfortunately true in any line of business that the person who shouts the loudest will usually get the best service.

Grendle Sun 08-Nov-09 09:40:22

Definitely agree contact the Supervisor of Midwives. I had a minor wobble a few weeks back and did this. It was the best thing I could have done, and not at all scary. You need to decide if you would be happy to let this MW into your house if you went into labour. If the answer is no, then you need to say so clearly and request she is not sent and that someone more suitable is provided. Do not worry about making a fuss. This is your birth and you need to feel confidant that the person who turns up will be supportive.

Lulumama Sun 08-Nov-09 09:44:15

hi again toady, so great to see you back on MN again ! <<stalker>>

totallyandutterly, you've had great advice here

you should start with the supervisor of midwives and take it from there, perhaps this midwife needs to be off community for a while,

SPD is not per se a reason for induction either

please don't worry, this is not a difficult situation to resolve, hopeuflly a couple of phone calls or a letter will sort it.

try not to worry smile

notcitrus Sun 08-Nov-09 10:00:38

i was told spd is a reason not to induce and recommended to have water birth if possible - i had the opposite experience of every midwife asking "are you sure you wouldn't like a homebirth?" at all appts, even at 39 weeks and me in a wheelchair with spd! No pressure, but it was a bit odd when people near me were fighting for homebirths.

good luck with the supervisor.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied Sun 08-Nov-09 18:58:07

Lulu, don't worry, I stalk you too grin Only coz you know your stuff so I'm always chuffed if you write on my threads lol.

Anyway, I'm going to have to start insisting on things a little I think.

The midwife said that she hasn't even put me on the homebirth list and she won't until 3 weeks before the birth.. hmm. Not pleased with this. I'll try ringing the Supervisor of Midwifery then. Do I just ring labour ward and ask who it is?

I'm not fussed if I have to give birth in hospital but I'm not labouring there after last time, and I'm not being induced, it hurts too much and they called them 'little pains'.

AliGrylls Sun 08-Nov-09 19:10:26

"little pains" - maybe someone should give her a prostin pessary. I think I know how you felt.

You end up feeling so out of control in hospital and they have no regard for the person who is actually in labour. I would never be induced again (luckily for me I can't).

CatIsSleepy Sun 08-Nov-09 19:13:47

she sounds a bit unprofessional
most community midwives love home births! at least the ones I met were all very pro-home birth

hope you get what's best for you

Jacksmama Sun 08-Nov-09 19:18:11

shock She sounds like a right twat. Telling you to be concerned about how tired your "poor midwife" will be!!!! shock That is NOT your problem, FFS!!

Do speak with the Supervisor of Midwives.
shock and angry for you.

AliGrylls Sun 08-Nov-09 19:24:03

Sorry I am always focus on minutiae - I agree she has been unprogessional and she should take what you are saying into account. Definitely complain.

Toady Mon 09-Nov-09 09:31:08

She sounds like a right twat! Jacksmama grin

Yes just ring and ask her name or maybe on their website?

Hi Lulu smile

MamaLazarou Mon 09-Nov-09 09:33:19

I would just like to second everything in Foxytocin's excellent post. Get rid of her!

theyoungvisiter Mon 09-Nov-09 09:40:49

Agree with everything everyone else has said.

Get a more supportive MW and send this one for retraining! Esp re "C"PD.

Though just in her defence (a little) the not adding you to the HB list until 37 weeks might be standard protocol? In our trust they won't consider a HB if you go into labour before 37 weeks so they don't bother to do the visit until 36 weeks and don't consider anything firm until then.

Jacksmama Mon 09-Nov-09 16:59:11

Fuck me, "little pains", how did I miss that??? Little pains?????

(grin toady)

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