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Anyone else terrified second time round?

(82 Posts)
corblimeymadam Tue 20-Oct-09 16:41:50

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JaMmRocks Tue 20-Oct-09 16:43:18

I had a horrendous first birth but 6 weeks ago had DS2 and it was all done in an hour and a half without intervention. You can do it, deep breaths and relax! Good luck

JaMmRocks Tue 20-Oct-09 16:43:19

I had a horrendous first birth but 6 weeks ago had DS2 and it was all done in an hour and a half without intervention. You can do it, deep breaths and relax! Good luck

JaMmRocks Tue 20-Oct-09 16:43:41

oops blush

corblimeymadam Tue 20-Oct-09 16:58:22

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baskingseals Tue 20-Oct-09 17:21:08

Same here, my first birth was awful, second not too bad, but I panicked and basically freaked myself out. I finally admitted to my midwife how terrified I was with dc3, and she sent me for counseling which really helped. I promise you it will be fine. Try to identify what it is specifically you are scared of, and then what if anything you can do about it. For me it was about trust. I simply didn't trust myself to be able to do it, and put everything onto the midwife.

With dc3, I didn't fight the contractions, I went with them, I also pictured the marshes and this helped. He was born in 4 hours, start to finish, and is now 9 wks.

Every birth is completely different, and it honestly does get easier. Your body has done it before, it remembers. You'll be just fine.

moosemama Tue 20-Oct-09 17:23:48

Same here, horrendous first birth, followed by a lovely easy one with ds2 and a super fast even easier one with dd.

I'm sure you know it already, but just as every baby is unique, so too is every birth.

Try to relax and enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy. smile

corblimeymadam Tue 20-Oct-09 19:24:39

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strongblackcoffee Tue 20-Oct-09 19:27:51

And another one - horrendous first birth, made me shudder to think about it for about 2 years. Second birth was actually enjoyable. Well, it did hurt, but in a nice way. I can't explain properly, but it was quick and fine. Afterwards I was bouncing around the labour room in delight! You'll be fine smile

moosemama Tue 20-Oct-09 19:32:54

I know what you mean about bouncing around the room in delight. After I had ds2 I was over the moon and I actually looked forward to my labour with dd. In fact, if I'm honest I am a bit sad that dd is my last and I'll never get the chance to do it all over again. [mad moose woman emoticon] grin

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 20-Oct-09 19:40:16

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corblimeymadam Tue 20-Oct-09 21:59:07

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alana39 Wed 21-Oct-09 13:35:39

My second was 8 hours instead of 19, still not the most pleasant but just knowing what to expect and just how good it would be to have another newborn to hold made it feel better somehow.

Was still terrified beforehand, and still am a bit worried now at nearly 39 weeks with 3rd grin - I keep reminding myself that it's such a short time in the greater scheme of things. Easier said than done after a 30 labour I imagine but it will be quicker this time as your body is much more efficient having done it before.

GreenMonkies Wed 21-Oct-09 13:59:28

I had a traumatic 2 day ordeal when giving birth to DD1, culminating in ventouse, episiotomy and a big bleed (but not a PPH) and large clots removed from my uterus by the Dr (yes, she shoved her hand up there and scooped them out shock).

DD2 was born in less than 4 hours, at home, on my hands and knees, no pain relief (didn't need any!) and all the MW did was sit and watch. It was lovely.

Read; Childbirth without fear by Grantly Dick-Read, Birth Reborn by Michel Odent and anything on birth by Sheila Kitzinger, book your homebirth now and relax!! grin

alana39 Wed 21-Oct-09 14:14:05

Oh yes the Michel Odent book is fab (although the pictures are a little old!) even if you're not planning a homebirth. It made me feel I could be more in control this time (and I am definitely planning a hospital birthing centre birth).

LissyGlitter Wed 21-Oct-09 14:18:33

I was crying the other day about how I would LOVE a lovely homebirth, surrounded by the women of my family, in water. But, even if DDs birth hadn't left me so that a VBAC is very risky, I would just be too terrified. I know 99% of births are fine, but DD was one of the 1% where she would have died if we hadn't had modern medicine to hand. Now every single twinge has me terrified. I had flashbacks and mental health problems since DDs birth, I am hoping that this one will help me to deal with it all. A planned section, all nice and calm and explained to me as we go on, hopefully with lots of skin-to-skin afterwards.

I said to DP that I didn't see DD naked till she was three days old the other day, and apparently this isn't true, they tried to do skin to skin, but I was so distressed and drugged up, they couldn't get me to hold the baby safely I don't remember this at all. I have a vague memory of DP holding her, and then of my parents and sisters coming in to see her, but i only really have memories of anything more than just being petrified for both of us from the time when I was back to being mobile. No wonder I didn't really bond with her till recently, I don't think I trusted her not to get ill or for someone to say she wasn't really mine.

Now though, we are definitely bonded, we spend hours just cuddling, I feel so guilty about the beginning of her life, but she seems unharmed. And this birth WILL be better. i won't get my lovely earth mother bit, but I have carried the baby for months and will breastfeed, and, more than anything, will love both my kids so much, I don't really think which exit she takes will matter

GreenMonkies Wed 21-Oct-09 14:24:23

Lissy, you can still be an earth-mother after a c-section, you don't have to give birth in a field surrounded by druids! wink Sometimes modern medicine is needed, but many other times it isn't, and when it isn't, it shouldn't be used just because it's there, is quicker and easier for the Dr/MW or out of habit. If your needs and wishes are respected and you are not left distressed and ignored then it is a good birth, irrespective of method of delivery. grin Happy C-Sectioning...

schmostin Wed 21-Oct-09 14:42:26

Belgianbun, my due date for dc2 is Friday, and birth for dd1 sounds much like yours. 30 hours, ending in ventouse, episiotomy, manual removal of placenta and lots of blood. I let it go quite quickly though, and didn't really think about it much until I got pregnant again and then spent most of the second and third trimester s**ting myself.
But in the last few weeks I've heard quite a few stories of quick and easy deliveries and suddenly in the last week I've totally relaxed. In fact I asked dh the other day if it was weird that I'm actually looking forward to the birth (he said yes grin). There's no guarantee that it'll be all plain sailing this time, but also absolutely no reason why it shouldn't be. You've got as much chance as the next woman of having the 3 hour earth mother experience. Think of all the 'good labour' stories you've heard and then imagine them being you. I figure at least going in optimistic has to be a good place to start! Good luck.

BonjourIvresse Wed 21-Oct-09 14:43:40

I only know one friend of all my friends who have 2 or more kids who had a worse second labour. Its very unlikely. I, however was the exception that proves the rule ;-) 24 hour vaginal delivery with DD, only gas and air, no stitches, crash section with GA with DS.

CeeUnit Wed 21-Oct-09 14:59:42

Like a lot of people I had a tough first one; ventouse, episiotomy, pph and blood transfusion - did not get to hold DD for 12 hours after as i was passed out sad.

Second one was really quick, no pain relief at all. DS was placed straight into my arms and it was just wonderful.

Am crossing everything that it will be the same for you,

curiositykilled Wed 21-Oct-09 15:45:47

I had a 60 hour labour with DS, DD was born in 12. I think the difference is that I was relaxed the second time and stressed the first. So, try to relax and rest.

2andcounting Wed 21-Oct-09 16:04:54

Like most posts here- i had pretty quick (2 1/2 hours) 2nd delievery- choose to be induced at +14days, but labour was fairly pain free and actually very enjoyable, ic ould have gone home and done the housework after. i did listen to some hypnobirthing cds in the last few weeks really, really helped, as also used them in labour and felt totally in control etc etc. think positive and you'll probably have a lovely time.

ratherbeinnorfolk Wed 21-Oct-09 16:17:28

Sorry, I'm another who had a great first birth (12 hour labour, birth in the water, no pain relief) and a horrible second one. I think this was because I was induced (2 weeks late, heatwave and worries about arrangements for DD1 persuaded me). Ended up with meconium in my waters, so no water birth, epidural etc. So, my advice would be try and hold off from being induced if you possibly can.

thesecondcoming Wed 21-Oct-09 16:51:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellaTufnel Wed 21-Oct-09 17:37:47

You're not alone. I'm terrified too!

EMCS in a horrible hospital with ds, and 37 weeks now with dc2 and having mild palpitations about:
- what we'll do with ds
- the pain
- the need for another section
- the fact that my birth for medical reasons will have to be highly supervised#
- I can only push for 30 mins due to complications

These lovely stories are helping though. Thanks everyone!

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