As BabyG's 1st birthday approaches, I'm really starting to go over and over and OVER his horrid birth again

[MamaG]

I had an appt for a debrief a couple of months ago and then I cancelled it (wimped out basically).

ARGH I don't know whether to go for it. We're leaving the area before Christmas so I should do it now.

OR I should just get the fuck over it!!

It's starting to keep me awake at night. Haven't discussed with DH as he found it very difficult too and has moved on - I can't bang on about it to him as it brings up all his bad memories which isn't fair.

[notnowbernard]

So sorry to hear that

I don't 'know' you, MamaG, and am not familiar with your birth story, I don't think

I think you should rescedule the appt though. The fact you are thinking about it all again suggests that now is the right time, IYSWIM... maybe there was a reason you cancelled it before? Because you weren't ready?

[Disenchanted3]

I'm not sure what went on but if its bothering you still a year down the line it needs to be disscused I think.

[LynetteScavo]

You should go to the apt'.

DS1's birthday (well teh day before, really) wasn't nice for me, as I kept remembering what was happening a year ago.

Take all the help you can, especially if yuo might want any more DC's!

[Poledra]

MamaG, you know what I think - I keep telling you to make and keep that appointment. Seriously, my debrief did so much to help get over DD1's birth - without it, there would probably be no DD2 and DD3 .

Do you have a sister/mother/female friend nearby who can come with you? I'd do it if I were near to you......

[Lizzylou]

I think I agree with the other posters, you need to get some "closure" (how very Friends of me!) and make the appt again.

You don't want this to keep rearing up, do you?

[MamaG]

Yes I cancelled because i wasn't ready. Lynette - NO more babies for me

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

MamaG, I really would re-schedule. If you don't then it will be harder once you have moved, and you might really regret it.

Is there someone you can take along for support?

I don't think you should get the fuck over it, I think you need to deal with it properly (that is what I would need anyway)

[Poledra]

Sorry, my post sounds a bit strident - I didn't mean it to come across that way.

[MamaG]

poledra
i know, I'm crap aren't I! I'm worried that the debrief will make things worse in a way - even more information for me to fret over in teh early hours IYKWIM

[HuwEdwards]

honestly?

For a multitude of reasons,very few of us have the birth we imagine we'll have, so I think if neither you nor the wee one has any lasting physical damage from the birth (although I accept you still bear significant mental scars) then you should move on.

The debrief may have been useful, is there any chance you can ressurect it?

[notnowbernard]

You say you 'wimped out' of it but there might have been a good reason for this... might of been a protective defence mechanism kicking in

You might be more robust, a year on, to process it

[notnowbernard]

Might have been, not might of been

[MamaG]

Mum and sister both live a really long way away

Have 3 close friends, 2 with small babies (who would need to come to the appt, so me, friend and two babies!) and one who is pg with her first (so no way will I ask her to sit through this!)

[Disenchanted3]

Just read your birth story, horrific no wonder its an issue

(((hugs)))

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

I presume you know about the BTA

They can offer advice as well

[ILikeToQuickstepItTangoIt]

The anniversary of an event will always bring back memories, and whilst it is a day to be celebrated it's also a day that affected you a lot.

I would strongly suggest you have a debrief about the birth while you are still in the area and so you can try and come to terms with the birth. It won't change what happened, but understanding the why's will help you move towards reconciliation.

Not talking about it is NOT a good thing. It will be there bubbling under the surface and will finally expolde one day. You don't have to let it get to that point.

Yes the debrief will bring back feelings, memories and emotions that are horrible and scary to remember, but you need to face them so you can start to learn to live with them.

If you chooose to arrange a debrief make sure you take someone with you for moral and emotional support.

[Lulumama]

i know it is painful, mamag, and i have been there

you should do the debrief

it will help, i know it will

it is part of the healing process

it will give you closure

you are being kept awake and upset by it, so you need to finish the process and move forward and the debrief will help

you shold not get the fuck over it, gods sake! you had a trauma.

you aer allowed to be upset

you had two vaginal births, so a c.s under general was not on your radar

perhaps a local doula would accompany you to the debrief?

it is certainly something i would do, i would love to help, if was closer xxxxxxxxx

[Lulumama]

i know it is painful, mamag, and i have been there

you should do the debrief

it will help, i know it will

it is part of the healing process

it will give you closure

you are being kept awake and upset by it, so you need to finish the process and move forward and the debrief will help

you shold not get the fuck over it, gods sake! you had a trauma.

you aer allowed to be upset

you had two vaginal births, so a c.s under general was not on your radar

perhaps a local doula would accompany you to the debrief?

it is certainly something i would do, i would love to help, if was closer xxxxxxxxx

[MamaG]

Thanks all. I'll do it. I'll arrange it now. Will ring mate first to see if she will come with me

[ILikeToQuickstepItTangoIt]

If it was as easy as getting the fuck over it or 'moving on' I am sure you would have done so by now. But that's not happening is it?

It's not a case of mind over matter and if you don't think about it it doesn't matter.

Do you have flashbacks?

The Birth Trauma Assoc are very good apparantly.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

I have just looked back at your birth story. Do go.

I (probably inappropriately) laughed again at "luke I am your father", I had forgotten that bit.

You know, you did really realy well

[MamaG]

arse. she's out

[Poledra]

Good, MamaG. And we'll all hold your hands afterwards too. I remember that your DH is like my DH on this (You're fine, the baby's fine, I do Not want to talk about this anymore), so please talk to us instead.

[dinkystinkystein]

MamaG - I had the same with DS1's birth. Its normal to relive a traumatic experience as the anniversary of it comes up... and it really does help to try to let out the pent up emotions rather than bottle them up more. If you can, do a debrief. If you cant, find a sympathetic friend who you can download your feelings to - or if you want a third party, speak to a birth doula who can talk you through why possible things may have happened - or post it on here (I think there used to be a birth trauma support thread somewhere on MN which certainly helped me deal with DS1's birth experience).

The memories do fade in time and it does get easier to deal with. In the meantime, just focus on the wonder that is babyG - always helped me deal with DS1's birth experience

[notnowbernard]

MamaG, have just found your birth story

Sounds very traumatic indeed

Am sending you lots of good wishes in moving forward with this Hope you've not too long to wait before the new appt