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Would you or have you had your children present at a homebirth?

(11 Posts)
devotion Fri 18-Sep-09 09:43:13

I have a similar thread which opened this question so I thought I would set it upaimed just at that.

Have you or would you?

If you have, how did it go, what did your children think and where you calm?

I am hoping to give birth in a pool at home. I was not planning on having them present the whole time just at the end.

I know you can not guess when it all kicks off but both of my other labours started about 10.30pm so if I do go into labour at that time I was thinking of leaving my children asleep in their beds and hoping I give birth before they wake which is usally about 8am.

I guess I could call my sister and ask her to get to mine in the morning for 7am in case I'm still going to look after them.

I just really wanted to keep them here rather then the hassle of carting them off somewhere.

If it is going smoothly and they are awake then my oldest (6yrs) is very keen to watch the baby emerging.

She has watched quite a few water births with me on youtube - calm ones of course. She us very interested in them and does not find it scary at all, in fact she has asked if she can be in the pool and hold the babies head as he/she is coming out.

I would love her to do that but of course I would only want her in the room if I was calm and not looking like I was in too much pain. Do not want to tramatise her.

My other DD is only 3yrs and I am not sure how she would react so will leave it up to her and of course if we think its suitable but I know my dd age 6 will be really upset if she does not get to see the big moment.

What do you think?

Thank you x

Gemzooks Fri 18-Sep-09 13:05:40

My 2.5 years DS watched the birth of my DD 6 months ago. Home water birth. Cannot recommend it highly enough. It was all so quick, we had planned to have him looked after but at the time it seemed wrong to send him away, and he wanted to stay. I did have DH and a doula, and the doula took him away a bit during transition when I was losing it a bit. He LOVED watching the baby come out in the pool, and was really amazed and interested. He was a bit upset seeing me in pain but was read a book about babies by the doula and also tbh I held it together much better knowing he was around, it made me bear it a bit more. I only really bellowed during the transition bit.

I really don't think it's traumatised him and he is younger than your DDs. The only thing is it might be good to have an extra adult, maybe your sister, on hand in case, and also to take them out for a few hours afterwards while you're just recovering and feeding etc. Or they could be brought in for the actual baby coming out bit..

I would say go for it, birth is a natural thing, it shouldn't be something to be kept hidden if you and DDs want to share the experience. Best of luck!

mustsleep Fri 18-Sep-09 13:24:52

I had my ds 6 and dd 2 present at ds's home birth last year

I was downstairs in the living room for nearly all of my labour, dh and my mum and dad were there and 3 midwifes lol (I had a student) and we've not got a big house

my mum popped the kids up to bed and when I felt the need to push I said so and went off upstairs with the midwifes and dh and gave birth in my bedroom, without waking the kids may I add lol

they did however wake up eventually due to the noise of the midwifes etc but came in to see ds2

it was all really nice

Not sure I would fancy them watching it though, but that's just me smile

mummy2t Fri 18-Sep-09 13:29:36

if had known then what i know now i would have had ds1 present when ds2 was born. i was perfectly calm, never made a noise, bubs was born in 3 pushes and it was all perfect, it wouldnt have scared my ds1 at all. but saying that you dont always know how things will go. i would say to go with your instinct and have an adult to look after the child other than whoever is looking after you so at all times you child has the suport of someone special. you might find the child doesnt want to be present.
i have always been honest as to were babies come from, i havent been major graphic but i havent actually lied either. he gets the general idea.

devotion Fri 18-Sep-09 22:26:23

mummy2t - just sounds so perfect, i hope i have a similar experience.

did you use hypnobirthing techniques?

mummy2t Sun 20-Sep-09 11:32:10

no i didn't, just happened fast, and all seems so natural didn't have the feeling of been in pain or feeling out of control. my 3rd is due now and i am hoping for the same!!
you made any kind od decision as to what you'll do?

ib Sun 20-Sep-09 11:38:03

Ds will be 3 when the next one is born and I'm hoping he will be there for it - as does he. He's very excited about it all and talks about it. Nearer the time I will show him some videos to prepare him for it a bit more, but I'm not too worried tbh.

sarah293 Sun 20-Sep-09 11:51:26

Message withdrawn

Tambajam Sun 20-Sep-09 11:58:16

My son was present at 3.3yrs. When I say 'present' he was playing in the same room and opening presents and generally milling around. He occasionally popped over to say hello. He flinched slightly at the placenta but I reminded him of what we had talked about and he was fine. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I think it was incredibly positive that he saw his sister arrive and was never separated from us. I wouldn't have done it though if he was much younger or non-verbal. I do think you need a spare adult around who is assigned to childcare though and is able to take them out or just keep them occupied if it is needed.

belgo Sun 20-Sep-09 12:04:01

I gave birth to ds while my two girls were in their bedroom, fast asleep. I really didn't want them watching me in labour, it would have totally put me off.

As it was, the girls came in about an hour and a half later, just at the point when I had a big bleed, and my dd1 still talks about the bed and my legs being all red. She's not traumatised though.

devotion Mon 21-Sep-09 14:54:24

Riven - sorry to hear that.

Did you not have a spare adult about who could have taken them out or to another room.

I was planning on birthing withour them around and when it came to thr crowning stage, if all calm I would bring them in and have them taken out if things change.

mummy2t - i have left a message for my midwife to gather my previous notes and see if we can meet to discuss it. Need to check i am not high risk first and if she can answer any worries dh has then the final decision will be made. My mind is made up, I want to do it and I know I can.

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