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I just helped my dsil give birth -- still buzzing, and thinking how much sense it makes to have a woman with you in labour

(27 Posts)
oranges Mon 17-Aug-09 05:13:58

It was just amazing. Totally unplanned, and her dh was with her, but she called me when her waters broke and asked if I'd come to the hospital. I just stayed with them through contractions, rubbing her back, dealing with midsives, getting him coffee and left them to it as she climbed into the birthing pool just before delivering.
She had a perfect birth, no tearing and left the same day. It was such a contrast to my birth, with just me and a desperately tired and panicked dh trying to grab an overworked midwife's attention. It did make me think it makes total sense to have a third person with the couple in labour.

moondog Mon 17-Aug-09 05:49:16

How lovely.
Congratulations toy you all. smile
Oh, and what an honour for you.

aGalChangedHerName Mon 17-Aug-09 06:24:15

I had my wonderful best friend with me for the dd's births. We still talk about it and the girls are 5 and 3 now.

Having her there made so much sense. Glad you enjoyed it.

How fab for you all x

oranges Mon 17-Aug-09 06:34:52

I was bemused, and then very touched to be asked. and she called later to say thank you and asked if she'd hit me. She hadn't - it was her dh she beat up. But was really good for me too to see a good birth, after my traumatic one. Helped more than any amount of counselling.

moondog Mon 17-Aug-09 06:38:20

lol at asking if she had hit you!

sabire Mon 17-Aug-09 07:10:42

How lovely!

I've been a birth partner 5 times (I've done a bit of 'doulaing') and every time have been completely blown away by the experience of birth. I wish mothers realised how incredible they are - you can't help feeling overwhelmed with respect and compassion for them.

longwayaway Mon 17-Aug-09 09:06:36

What a lovely story - thanks for sharing!

most amazing thing (been at sisters twice) but oddly enough didnt want anyone other than dh at mine.
well done you,

4andnotout Mon 17-Aug-09 09:18:26

I had my mum with me for all my four and she was far more supportive than dp who usually goes a bit grey and sweaty and nearly passes out hmm

MuppetsMuggle Mon 17-Aug-09 09:23:22

I had my mum with me and would def have my mum with me the next time.

oranges Mon 17-Aug-09 09:48:50

Interesting baout having a mother there.

I didn't as: I think the sight of me in pain would distress her and she'd panic, she's quite medical and old fashioned in her approach, and she'd crowd out dh.

But maybe it would be a good idea. I think now I would like another person there, but not sure who. next time

mama2b3 Tue 18-Aug-09 00:13:53

what a lovely thread
i was with my friend when she gave birth to dc4 and it was an amazing experience! something i will never forget. labour seems so much different when you are not actually in labour yourself lol! i was honored to attend the birth

SolidGoldBrass Tue 18-Aug-09 00:33:23

I had my mum and a close female friend with me as DS dad and I were not on good terms when DS was born. And I do think that even if we had been on better terms I would still have wanted mum and a female friend more than a man there.

ipiratethief Tue 18-Aug-09 00:37:34

wow, bringing tears to my eyes, in a NICE way, not in a giving birth ouch way!!

I had a traumatic one, i am glad it helped you, i can really imagine that it would.

congrats to the new mummy.

Megglevache Tue 18-Aug-09 00:49:09

I was with my sister both times (last being her popping her dd out in a lay by in a National Park) grin

I am still over the moon that I got to be there, you are right it's such an honour and i wish my sister could have attended the births of my children but we'd moved by then.

My Doula was amazing.

Chunkamatic Tue 18-Aug-09 22:40:06

I had my Mum with me, as well as DP. I hadnt planned for her to be there but it was the best thing ever. I would whole-heartedly recommend having a woman who's been there, done that to be at your side!

Congrats on your new special auntie status!!

twelveyeargap Tue 18-Aug-09 22:45:23

envy I'd love to be at a birth. (Other than my own of course).

Well done you.

bargainhuntingbetty Tue 18-Aug-09 22:49:15

I would love to be at someone elses birth too. Well done you

Trikken Tue 18-Aug-09 23:11:13

I keep thinking id love a woman to be with me as well as dh,so it gives dh a chance to leave if he needs to and extra support for me. but not my mum for the same reasons as oranges gave, she would be distressed seeing me in pain, and would take over. but dont have many close female friends. I'd quite like to ask Mil as we have a close relationship but think mum would be terribly upset if I asked Mil and not her to come along.

OmicronPersei8 Tue 18-Aug-09 23:17:17

Trikken, would you consider a doula? A friend of mine had one and loved the experience.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Tue 18-Aug-09 23:18:24

My best friend was with DH and I when I gave birth. It was the best decision we made, she was so supportive, yet unobtrusive, she also happened to be a nurse so was able to change my sheets more regularly than the midwives did! She was able to ensure I was not on my own when DH needed to have a break, she got tea, she took photos of DH, DD and I minutes after she was born. She did all the practical things while DH concentrated on stroking my hair and holding my hand, rubbing my feet and doing the emotional stuff.

She also, amazingly came into theatre with me, all green gowned up, to hold my hand when I had to have the placenta removed manually while DH stayed with DD.

bichonbuzz Tue 18-Aug-09 23:19:32

I had first birth at home with friends and dh present and i would def recommend good friends there- it is such a shared honour .My second birth with dh only and im sure that it seemed to hurt more - its not due to dh lack support but i felt so re assured with women in the room on prev occasion as i knew that they knew what i was feeling ..

Trikken Tue 18-Aug-09 23:21:40

Id thought of having a doula but dh isnt paid very much so not sure we could afford one, otherwise it would have been the perfect answer.

OmicronPersei8 Tue 18-Aug-09 23:25:23

Trikken, I could see how that might be a problem. There was a thread on here the other night about how much a doula costs, it looked like it might be out of some people's price range (including my own!).

Trikken Tue 18-Aug-09 23:40:51

am thinking mil might be only answer. would have to somehow get my mum to be ok with this tho.

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