Pregnant with second child, no family nearby to take DS, I also gave birth very quickly last time(39 Posts)
Please help. What do we do, as we have a DS, no family anywhere near to dump him on when I go into labour.
I gave birth really quickly last time, so there isn't time for family to come to us (closest is SIL, but she is at least 3 hours away, if no traffic, and she has her own family to look after, so can't be coming down here at no notice, especially for false alarms etc)
I had a really horrible time last time, dilated from 3 to 10 cm in an hour and a half, on the maternity ward, and no-one noticed, so I am really stressed about this and REALLY need DH there.
The only friends that I am close enough to be comfortable asking to take him work, so can't keep waking them up at 4 in the morning, plus they wouldn't be able to have him in the day.
Are there people you can pay to come to your house at 4 in the morning to look after your son while you give birth?
I am in a similar position to you. I have no family or friends near who can have kids (they will only be 1, 2 and 3 years at birth of DC4 so BIG ask!) and last birth (my third) was only 1 1/2 hours from first contration. The hospital is up to an hour's drive.
DH and myself have decided I will go alone while he has the kids. This way I only need a lift from neighbour. Not ideal but it is one suggestion. Sorry can't be more help.
OOpps, just noticed you really want DH there. Now my suggestion is useless, sorry!
Worst case, you'd have to take ds with you. I'm sure this happens from time to time.
I was in similar. No family near, and didn't know my neighbours. Ds1 was 18 months when ds2 ws born. My dp works nights, so I'd have had to call an ambulance and take ds1 with me.
Thankfully, it didn't come to that, I asked to be induced so i was able to organise care for ds1. This wasn't the reason for being induced, but was a solution.
When's baby due? Can you not speak to your next door neighbour? I think most people would do what they could to help in these situations. I would
I had the exactly the same dilemma as you. I think I did look into paying someone, and whilst I can't recall the details now I think there are people out there prepared to be paid to be on 'standby'. Try googling..? Or perhaps a reliable older baby sitter would be able to jump in at short notice? Means finding one first, try advertising on the local part of MN..?
I do remember thinking the same sort of thoughts, all my friends work and can't help out etc but in fact once I asked several were more than prepared to help...I put a rota together of absolutely everyone and anyone who could step in to cover all sorts of times of day. Eventually realised there is no point worrying about inconveniencing people, its a bit beyond that!!
If the worst really did come to the worst, the midwives/nurses are not going to throw your DC1 out and Im sure will be able to help in some manner. Alternatively of course, go for a home birth then perhaps you wont need cover.
Good luck, I hope you find a solution that suits, soon.
I really do want DH there, I had a very traumatic birth last time and am worried about this one already.
We are going to get a Doula so that I will have someone with me at the hospital come what may, but REALLY want DH there.
seriously I would book for a homebirth so you at least have the pack of stuff there to hand!!! Certainly where I live you can cancel a homebirth anytime and go into hospital.
If it really could be that quick it will probably be far easier for the MW to come to you rather than vice versa, any sign of any problems you just ring 999 for the ambulance.
Interesting points. I will have to think about it with friends, etc.
With regard to the hospital, I gave birth last time far to quickly for pain relief and was in screaming agony (literally screaming) for most of it. I really wouldn't want DS around for that (he will only be 2) and DH would therefore have to be out of the room entertaining him anyway - which would kind of defeat the purpose.
Tbh, I'd think about asking your friends.
We had to call on a mate to come & look after ds when I ended up going into hospital with dd (homebirth planned) - he missed a morning off work, but it wasn't a problem at all (in fact I think he got massive brownie points at work with all the ladies!) I had to rescue a friend who is having a baby is at least an inventive excuse
I've also been on stand-by for a few local friends when they've been expecting 2nds or 3rds - always delighted to be asked.
Could you talk to some of them and ask what they would be ok to do (babies do sometimes come at convenient times!) - then you've got a rota of a few numbers to call...
Think how you'd feel if someone asked you - even someone you didn;t know well... you'd be chuffed wouldn't you?
Oh, and assume homebirth isn't an option - might be easier...??
did you try tens machine last time, I found it really good? Also MW will bring gas & air with them, which is good if you can get the hang of it - you start sucking like mad at the beginning of the contraction rather than waiting for it to hurt.
Cargirl, that thing is I had ventouse and episeotomy (sp) last time, DS was in a lot of distress (his heartrate was lower than mine) so I am not sure they would agree.
Having said that, it would solve all the other problems.
Can they monitor the baby at home?
Cargirl, didn't try a tens machine, though gas and air didn't workfor me.
I don't think that I would get an epidural this time either somehow as I think it will all happen too fast, so a home birth certainly worth thinking about.
I will start talking to friends about it, see what they say. I just find it hard to depend on people that I feel don't have an obligation to help, I supose that is why you have to ask several to be on standby!
Bumptious - do you go to any nursery groups/ toddler groups with your DS? You could speak to some of the child minders there and ask if they could be 'on call' to come over to your house when the need arises. Or one of them might be able to tell you of someone who could. At least if they're a registered childminder you will have some peace of mind.
Seriously, do you have no friends at all who could take him in the day? I was very embarrassed about asking people to be my emergency labour childcare, but women are lovely about it. The people that I asked were actually quite chuffed to be chosen, as I would be, now I come to think of it. And women understand just how important it is to be able to concentrate on yourself and not have to worry about childcare.
You might well be able to have a homebirth, by the way, if you want one. I had a similar delivery to you for my first, except that DD1 also crashed an hour after delivery (when everyone thought that the danger was over) and nearly died. I also had serious pyschological issues about birth, due to PTSD the first time aroud. But I was still considered "low risk" for my second delivery.
gas & air is a real knack, it was only the 3rd & 4th time I got the hang of how to do it!!!!
I would actually talk to them and ask for a homebirth pack in case you can't make it in time IYSWIM. What happened between labour starting & getting to 3cm, did that take a while?
How far are you from the nearest hospital/birthing unit?
They still check the baby intermittently tbh the constant monitoring causes a lot of problems because it stops you listening to your body and getting into good birthing positions IMHO.
If you labour fast, as I did, then to be honest you do need to be prepared for not making it to hospital. Dont want to worry you but it really does need to be planned for! My first labour was hour and a half, second was 25 minutes and DS2 popped out unintentionally at home with the help of DH and a paramedic! Was fantastic actually, so fast that pain was not an issue! My first birth was a traumatic one incidentally, so number 2 can be easy and fine.
My biggest surprise tho was how pleased people were to be asked to help, once I plucked up courage to ask. It is an honour to help out when someone is having a baby, my friend was utterly thrilled to have been in the house when I gave birth!
Freddo - good idea about the childminder - ironically we had just moved DS to a nursery when I found out I was pregnant - will have to look into that!
MrsTittleMouse I do have people I could ask, and I think they would say yes, but they are all people I have met since having DS and I have not found most of them that reliable or loyal, so the thought of depending on them scares me.
That is very interesting about you being considered low risk for a home birth after a worse birth experiance.
Cargirl - I was induced, and I don't really remember what happened up to 3cm - all I remeber is it all just hurt, all the time (its a bit of a blur to be honest), but I know that they won't admit you to the hospital till you are 3cm, and after that I have no chance of enough time for an epidural, so a homebirth is definatly worth considering.
p,s. just asked DH and he can't remember either.
Oldernotwiser - OK, I am scared now, but still really good to know - I will definatly have to prepare for the possibility of not making it to the hospital even if a home birth isn't my first choice.
Really glad to hear your second birth was a lot easier.
My mother, who also gave birth really quickly, said that by her third pregnancy (twins, 6 weeks premature) she had to keep her legs together to keep them inside on the way to the hospital!
okay I was induced will all of mine, and yes the hours of the gel starting to work really really hurts, if you go into labour naturally I think you'll be surprised at how much better you cope.
My last induction was very positive, 6 hours of pain after the first lot of stuff with still a bishops score of 1 YES only 1, then the 2nd lot of stuff an hour later it started to to do something and I used gas & air and it was absolutely fine, my words were actually "was that it?", unfortunately the previous 3 inductions and been absolutely horrid!
agree with cargirl -had a HB with occasional monitoring though MW was happy to work around me so as not to cause problems.
DD was in the next room playing in her pen.
and inductions are generally reckoned to be more painful (as they don't fully prepare the body for labour in the same way?) so maybe it wouldn't be that painful second time round.
I have to say, I am desperate not to be induced this time, really want to go into labour naturally. Here's hoping its easier.
Got to now and spend some time with DH but will check in tomorrow, many thanks for all the help, advise and personal experiances.
I refused continuous monitoring with my last labour apart from the 40 minutes after they inserted the pessary. I plonked myself on a birthing ball with the gas & air and in the end I had a 2 minute labour, 8cm to delivered in 3 contractions!
the midwives asked me to have a homebirth because my labours were so quick - they thought they would find it quicker getting to me than me sorting out childcare and getting to the hospital without giving birth
as it was, I managed to get to the hosp (didn't really want homebirth so went the MINUTE I thought I was in labour) and gave birth within the hour!
ps one thing about quick labours at hosp is that Dh can go pretty quickly to relieve the childcarer if necessary which makes it easier to use someone you don't know that well! Also they let you go home v quickly second time round (I found!)
This happened to me - didn't have time to leave ds1 with anyone (this was before mobile phones so couldn't get hold of ANYONE to come round/meet us at the hospital) as baby was 5 weeks early and coming really quickly so we had to take 2 year old ds1 with us. Cue ds in the back of the car: "Daddy, why is mummy screaming?"
We left him with the nurses just outside the delivery room and they kindly looked after him while dh came in with me. Ds2 born 20 minutes after arriving at the hospital so he didn't have to stay with them for long. Dh went straight out to be with him (couldn't stay with Ds2 anyway as he was rushed off to the neo-natal ward).
Was very odd though going from having a tiny baby delivered onto me to having a what then seemed enormous 2 year old plonked on top of me .
ds1 slept through ds2 being born (v quick 1st labour - 2 hrs, planned homebirth for 2nd, ds2 born just before midnight v v v quickly), through the ambulance arriving after, through my mum arriving, through the midwife arriving, and came into my bedroom in the morning to find the new baby there.
THB I was working on the assumption that I would be having an (unplanned) unassisted homebirth without dh (as he was away mon-fri at that point), at night, and with ds1 asleep.
As it happened he was born on a fri night so dh was home.
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