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Was your DH allowed in recovery?

(33 Posts)
Benjy Wed 05-Aug-09 21:03:04

I'm having a caesarean in two weeks and have been told that DH will not be able to join me in recovery. He will be sent back to the ward to wait for me there. Is that normal?

Poledra Wed 05-Aug-09 21:06:09

After my emergency c-setion, DH sat in recovery with our daughter waiting for me to wake up. In fact, he left to go home before I was moved up to the ward (it was 3am grin).

I don't know if different hospitals have different policies though. I would be pretty pissed off with that.

jellybeans Wed 05-Aug-09 21:07:18

My DH was in recovery after all 3 sections (1 emergency, 1 elective, 1 crash under GA).

traceybath Wed 05-Aug-09 21:08:39

Yes he was - in fact after ds2 was born (dh not present as looking after ds1) they let both of them into recovery.

spottyblueberries Wed 05-Aug-09 21:09:13

Yep. Had the CS at 4pm and DH stayed with us in recovery until 11pm. I think it all depends on who else is in recovery and what time it is as they wont want other mums disturbed

GentlyDoesIt Wed 05-Aug-09 21:09:15

Are you have a general? DH once had to wait for me on the ward when I was in recovery after a D&C. I barely noticed though, as I was still in la-la land from the general anaesthetic!

When I had c-esction under local/spinal, DH was not only allowed in recovery but played a vital part in helping me have skin-to-skin and so on. I was in recovery for about an hour.

I would challenge that though, even if I was having a general.

whomovedmychocolate Wed 05-Aug-09 21:09:28

Are you having a general? If not, that's ridiculous. There is a difference between leaving with the baby while you are stitched up (DH did that and spent a lovely 15 minutes cuddling DS while they did the business with the needle) and kicking you out till you get back on the ward (in my case four hours later.

Ask where your baby will be at this point. You are not going to be able to care for your child if you (a) can't move because of an epidural and (b) are drugged up to the eyeballs.

2cats2many Wed 05-Aug-09 21:09:55

Yes, for both of mine.

GentlyDoesIt Wed 05-Aug-09 21:10:05

sorry - are you having a general...

Poledra Wed 05-Aug-09 21:14:21

Even with a general (which I had), my DH was in recovery. He was binned from the operating theatre when they finally worked out that no, I was not over-reacting when I said the epidural wasn't working and it needed a general. DD1 was brought out to him as soon as she was born ('Don't let her go, she's got no tags and no clothes on' grin). Then he was taken into recovery and left to sit with DD1 by my bed waiting for me to wake up.

Benjy Wed 05-Aug-09 21:19:48

Thanks for so many responses.

I'm not having a general anaesthetic. I've been told I'll have a spinal. I had a feeling this might be unusual and can't see the sense of it. I appreciate there might be one or two other women in recovery too but I'm sure they would like their birth partner with them and DH is not that noisy or disruptive! Can I challenge this if it is normal hospital policy?

whomovedmychocolate Wed 05-Aug-09 21:33:35

Why would there be other women in recovery - recovery should not be a shared ward hmm

There are several stages of recovery - the immediately out of the operating theatre is one - many labour wards have rooms next to the theatre which are normal labour and delivery rooms and you start off getting prepped in there for delivery, wheeled into the operating theatre and then wheeled out again to the same room. That's stage one recovery.

Stage two recovery is when you got to the post natal recovery - which is a shared ward. However while visiting hours are sometimes enforced with other members of the family, it's unusual for partners to be excluded.

Yes challenge it.

GentlyDoesIt Wed 05-Aug-09 21:34:22

Challenge away, it's the first time I've ever heard of it and it sounds bonkers.

After the section you will need someone to help you with all sorts - I don't mean to panic you, because it can be a very happy and snuggly time getting to know your new baby after a section, but the fact is that your legs will still not be working, so if you or the baby need anything, you will have to ring the bell for help every time if Dh isn't there with you. Are they proposing to have a member of staff at your side and dedicated to you and the baby's care instead?

I would have thought the midwifery staff would want their patients to have all the free pairs of hands they can get? Weird!

JFly Wed 05-Aug-09 21:41:07

I would imagine if it is scheduled and therefore will happen during the day it is reasonable to expect your DH to stay with you in recovery. You may find that if you end up in recovery outside of visiting hours that he may have to leave and come back later.

That is what happened to me - I had a spinal for an emergency c-section (placental abruption) at about 2am and was in recovery at about 2:45-3am. The anaesthetist and midwife both said my DH would be allowed to stay with me in recovery (my baby was in NICU). The nurse in recovery said he was NOT allowed to stay. Actually, she said my "visitor" would have to leave. shock I was in bits (literally) b/c we'd only just got there, me and baby could have died, etc., etc. We explained that DH only wanted to stay for an hour or so and then would leave. We argued a bit, had supervisors called, got midwife on the phone, etc. Had a lot of "policy" thrown at us and by the time we were told that he would definitely have to leave, he probably would have left anyway! That was around 4:30am. He came back at the start of visiting hours.

Of course, during the remainder of the morning, more women were brought into recovery and the woman across from me had her partner with her the entire time. hmm So, in short, it depends on who is on shift!

JFly Wed 05-Aug-09 21:45:26

My recovery experience was definitely on a ward (Chelsea & Westminster). Well, curtained-off area, more like. No first stage on my own, just sewn up and off to a six bed ward, which was full by the time I was transferred to the regular post-natal ward. There were 2 nurses on shift to attend to all six of us. And a doctor came regularly to check fluids, BP, etc, before I could be transferred.

poorbuthappy Wed 05-Aug-09 21:45:32

My dh spent my time on recovery dashing between me (checking my blood pressure was coming down!) and up to SCBU to see the twins. At no point was he stopped by anyone (apart from when they had to do things in SCBU as expected)...and as above you should be in a private room when in recovery?? Or is that not normal??

Poledra Wed 05-Aug-09 23:22:43

Actually, I wasn't in a private room, but in a small ward with curtained bays (larger than the standard hospital bays). Came in useful, in fact, as after DH left, I knocked my buzzer off the bed. DD1 started throwing up blood, and I couldn't get to her. Fortunately, another woman had been brought in after me, and her DH heard me calling and went to get a mw. (DD was only getting rid of some blood she'd swallowed, BTW, nothing serious. But I didn't know that at the time).

Portofino Wed 05-Aug-09 23:34:16

DH was definitely with me. he told me he started off standing in an empty room whilst i was having crash emcs. Then they brought in dd in a crib. There was crying. Then apparently they wheeled in other furniture (???) and then finally me. I think he was a bit tired and traumatised - bless him. Then they wheeled us all back to the ward. Well I paid for a private room, as I had already spent 2 weeks there and wanted a bit of privacy when dd FINALLY arrived....

LeninGrad Wed 05-Aug-09 23:41:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkyMinxy Wed 05-Aug-09 23:58:30

DH was in recovery with me and my babies for all three of my cs. My first the recovery room was a single bed room, the next two were in a different hospital and there were two beds in recovery. Both times the other lady in the room had been unlucky enough to need a GA section and their DH's were there too. He should be there, I think, it is your special first moments with your new baby.

My middle child was born by elcs but I had very low blood pressure afterwards and spent hours in recovery- it would have been awful for him not to have been there.

In the first hospital, I was put in a separate room on my own on the ward for two days, in the other hosp. I went onto a regular ward (though the last time I went into a private room on the second night- with two los at home I wanted a bit of peace before going home!)

Definitely ask them why, it sounds wrong to me.

spottyblueberries Thu 06-Aug-09 00:04:33

The recovery in our hospital is a large room with 3 beds curtained off, right next to the theatre so yes, we had to share. When I 1st came in for the ECS I had to wait up there for 6hrs longer than planned and had to listen to a reallllly annoying, V loud woman who had DP, DC's, Mum, Dad and PIL visit Post CS during the 6hrs. DH and I were cursing the fact they obviously observed standard visiting hrs and procedure up there - Especially when the FIL knocked open the adjoining curtain as I was struggling getting into my hospital gown angry
I am all for DP's being with you in recovery but draw the line at your whole family.

I wont bore you with the post op care details (horrific) or 2nd child VBAC stuff(fab) but what I have learned is......YES challenge it PLEASE! As unfortunately the louder you shout, the more you are heard!!!

I am rather quiet when it comes to speaking out and did as I was told. I had a natural HB planned and when I needed the ECS I just went along with whatever I was told - despite being petrified of being in hospital and even worse - being left there on my own! They forced my DH out at 11 as an EMCS was coming out of theatre (and it was 2 hrs after normal 'visiting' hours). I suffered no end at the hands of the MW's and know now it could have been different if I had thrown a complete BF (Bitch Fit).

If you have the balls, have a complete screaming ab dabs a la the lady who came out of the EMCS and DEMAND that your DH stay with you else you will 'rip the goddmn catheter out, go home and sue every goddamn one of you motherfuckers'. That woman got everything she wanted...I shouted - 'My baby is choking and I CANT REACH HIM!' - They said 'Good lord that woman said she'll sue - get her a coffee, make sure it's a nice one'

sad

StrikeUpTheBand Thu 06-Aug-09 00:43:26

That sounds awful, spottyblueberries sad. I have noticed in my dealings with maternity/antenatal wards that they (usually, not always) are very good when you are in serious danger (such as when I had severe preeclampsia both times) and become hyper efficient then, but as soon as you are out of the woods they go back to being pants again.

On topic, I had DS by emergency C-section (but a spinal so DP was able to be there) due to my preeclampsia - and he was 31+3. I didn't get to see him when he was born as they started working on him in a corner, but DP could see everything. 20 minutes later, on the way out of the room with him I saw him for about 4 seconds. Then DP was also asked to leave and I spent about 2 and a half hours in recovery on my own. I am not sure why he had to leave, he wasn't able to visit DS in neonatal for an hour (they needed time to sort him out first). What struck me at the time was that the surgeon who was assisting and the midwife stayed in the recovery room with me, but mostly chatted about what they'd seen on TV the night before - it was just another day's work for them. I didn't realise people's DPs could sometimes stay. I wonder if it was because DS was in neonatal?

It was 14 hours or more before I even got to see my DS after that. And that was only because DP (bless him) went on and on at them like a broken record until someone brought me a wheelchair and took me over to see him. He was born at 1:13am and I didn't see him until nearly half 3 that afternoon sad. DP was allowed to see him after an hour, and then came back upstairs with photos for me. Actually they weren't all bad because since I was in the HDU/labour ward still (and for the next 5 days) they offered him a camp bed if he wanted to sleep over with me. He declined and then went home and zonked out and he didn't answer his phone until noon the next day (he had gone home at 4am so suppose you can't blame him).

Not moaning, honestly,(obviously I am most grateful that they got DS out and he was fine and healthy and the wonders of modern science and all that...) but I do think their policy needed some tweaking possibly. To expect a woman (who had lost her first baby to the same condition and worried all pregnancy about this baby) to go 14 hours without seeing her baby and how he was is pretty inhumane, is it not?

spottyblueberries Thu 06-Aug-09 01:03:07

strikeuptheband! Inhumane?? shock Bloody bastards.

DC1 was my 4th pregnancy. Wasn't even mentioned once they determined ECS was purely as he was breech.

Sorry to get OT OP but....

One thing that has struck me looking back, is that they dont give your 'birth' partner a lot of prep. Despite it being a calm environment, my dh was in no way prepared to see my intestines/womb/fat cells(yeah thanks for that description dh) displayed in front of him. He has seen many traumatic incidents in his line of work but he admits, not to a loved one and it scarred him more than me

LeninGrad Thu 06-Aug-09 09:24:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poledra Thu 06-Aug-09 09:32:28

Dh was most disappointed to be evicted from the room for my c-s. He is a nosy inquisitive medical scientist, and he was looking forward to seeing the op!

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