Daft birth experience prediction tool

[GentlyDoesIt]

Hey everyone, look at this load of old toss virtual clairvoyant who specialises in birth predictions!

It seems to be tongue-in-cheek and is free and anonymous. I've tried a few permutations and all the predictions look quite friendly, so I think someone has designed it with antenatal nerves in mind.

Here's the prediction made for me:

"The day you deliver, outside will be sunny. Your baby will arrive in the middle of the night. After a labor lasting approximately 4 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 6 pounds, 9 ounces, and will be 21 -1/2 inches long. This child will have dark amber eyes and curly auburn hair."

So that's all sorted, then

[FlightHattendant]

Oh I did this when I used to be on Ovusoft.

I believe it was totally wrong. Fun for 5 seconds though

[GentlyDoesIt]

No, it is NOT totally wrong and I AM only going to be in labour for 4 hours!

[nulgirl]

Good job I'm not really pregnant as a 15 pound baby would mean a pretty hard labour. Saying that eerything else was right about the prediction except the size and the sex. Had a little (8lb15) boy

"The day you deliver, outside will be misty. Your baby will arrive in the late evening. After a labor lasting approximately 20 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 15 pounds, 6 ounces, and will be 22 inches long. This child will have dark gray eyes and a little patch of auburn hair."

[olivo]

oh bugger, not sure if DH might question our ginger haired girl , weighing in at far less than was showing at my scan several weeks ago!!!!

i LOVE these things!

[mafog]

eek!

The day you deliver, outside will be hazy. Your baby will arrive in the early morning. After a labor lasting approximately 17 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 12 pounds, 13 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have medium amber eyes and a little patch of blonde hair.

[GentlyDoesIt]

Oh blimey, 12 - 15lb babies? Maybe it's not so fluffy after all then... look away, look away!

[l39]

My prediction says a 48 hour labour! My first 3 combined only make 16 hours!

[MrsHappy]

"The day you delivery outside will be shiny. Your baby will arrive in the late evening. After a labour lasting approximately 18 hours your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weight about 10 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 1/2 inches long. This child will have dark gray eyes and fluffy auburn hair."

That's one chunky baby for a family where 7lbs is more the norm!
No mention of a third degree tear though so that's hopeful...

[mrswee]

yikes I really hope my baby isn't 11.11 lbs with grey eyes and ginger hair!!

DH wouldn't be pleased, we are both dark haired and dark eyes!

[Miamla]

"The day you deliver, outside will be rainy. Your baby will arrive in the middle of the afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 10 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 6 pounds, 4 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have dark blue eyes and fluffy brown hair."

I answered as if i was doing it last year and its all wrong! DS was born v early morning, after a sunny day. Labour was 7hrs. he was 8lb 4. Can't remember how long he was but he has dark brown eyes and fluffy blonde hair!

Hmm, so all they got right was that i was having a boy!

[EccentricaGallumbits]

The day you deliver, outside will be sunny. Your baby will arrive in the late afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 30 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 4 pounds, 2 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have dark hazel eyes and barely there auburn hair

Now considering both previous labours were less than 4 hours each, I don't do boys, my previous babies weighed double that each, we all have green/blue eyes and no ginge in the family.

oh and i'm not pregnant......

I think perhaps this is bollocks.

[susie100]

The day you deliver, outside will be fair. Your baby will arrive in the early morning. After a labor lasting approximately 18 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 11 pounds, 2 ounces, and will be 16-1/2 inches long. This child will have light gray eyes and curly red hair.

OMG - 11 pounds and red hair!! My husband will be very suspicious indeed

Not up for an 18 hour labour either

[DeathbyDora]

The day you deliver, outside will be cloudy. Your baby will arrive in the late night. After a labor lasting approximately 25 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 5 pounds, 4 ounces, and will be 16-1/2 inches long. This child will have medium gray eyes and fluffy red hair.

So, instead of the girl the scan technician saw I'm apparently having a red headed boy! Interesting since DH is American Indian and both our kids are very dark of hair and eye....looks like I'll have some explaining to do!

Could do without a 25 fecking hour labour as well! I'm on number 3 so from what I've read they tend to shoot out if you cough too hard!!

[LadyBambi]

"The day you deliver, outside will be stormy. Your baby will arrive in the mid morning. After a labor lasting approximately 14 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 14 pounds, 1 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have medium green eyes and a lot of blonde hair."

Well we are having a boy, but 14 hours of labour with a 14lb baby? Oh great! Lol

[Habbibu]

The day you deliver, outside will be cloudy. Your baby will arrive in the middle of the afternoon. After a labor lasting approximately 44 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 12 pounds, 2 ounces, and will be 22 inches long. This child will have medium violet eyes and a lot of black hair.

Oh, bloody hell. And DH will have a Lot to say about the violet eyes...

[trellism]

The day you deliver, outside will be sunny. Your baby will arrive in the middle of the night. After a labor lasting approximately 20 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 14 pounds, 6 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have dark violet eyes and a lot of auburn hair.

I think a 14lb baby would probably kill me! And it's a girl who is currently "low normal".

There would also be questions from my brown eyed husband about the violet eyed baby.

[CalypsoFlame]

Haha - spookily plausible!

"The day you deliver, outside will be rainy. Your baby will arrive in the late morning. After a labor lasting approximately 20 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 5 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 19,19-1/2 inches long. This child will have dark blue eyes and a little patch of black hair"

My DH was 5lb12, and myself and all our siblings were only a little bigger, and we are expecting a girl. Hmmmm

[GentlyDoesIt]

Habbibu, I think yours deserves some sort of prize!

[pasturesnew]

Cheers Madame Z:

"The day you deliver, outside will be bright [POSSIBLE]. Your baby will arrive in the mid morning [POSSIBLE]. After a labor lasting approximately 30 hours [I BLOODY HOPE NOT, LAST ONE WAS UNDER 6 HOURS], your child, a boy [POSSIBLE], will be born. Your baby will weigh about 9 pounds, 2 ounces [FAIRLY LIKELY, LAST ONE WAS 9LBS 5OZ], and will be 18 inches long [= 45CM - WELL LAST ONE WAS 60 CM AND SCAN SHOWS LONG FEMURS]. This child will have dark brown eyes [NOT LIKELY] and a little patch of red hair [WITHIN THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY]."

So overall I am not that convinced. Will let you know.

[Habbibu]

Consultant did rather suggest (I hope jokingly) that next baby might be 12lb... That plus 44 hour labour and subsequent DNA tests is all sounding just a bit stressful.

Notice that madame z isn't predicting any sections...

[TigerFeet]

The day you deliver, outside will be cold. Your baby will arrive in the middle of the night. After a labor lasting approximately 19 hours, your child, a boy, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 9 pounds, 9 ounces, and will be 17 inches long. This child will have dark blue eyes and barely there auburn hair.

I am definitely having a girl so that's bollocks

The rest is feasible, although a bit smaller than 9lb 9 would be nice

There's a big weight variation between some of these babies given that the lengths are all very similar.

[audreyraines]

ok girls, i think each time you do it, the prediction changes even if you put in the same information .... sigh. wish someone really could tell me about my birth in advance!

[TigerFeet]

audreyraines, your baby will be born on 10th September after a three hour labour weighing 8lbs 2oz. It will probably be raining (it's always bloody raining). The time of birth will be 4.30pm, slotting nicely between lunch and tea.

[monkeyfeathers]

The day you deliver, outside will be dark. Your baby will arrive in the late evening. After a labor lasting approximately 4 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 11 pounds, 10 ounces, and will be 22-1/2 inches long. This child will have medium hazel eyes and curly brown hair.

I'm looking forward to the 4 hour labour (which seems unlikely). As does the rest of it: if it's dark, it''ll be the night (rather than the evening) since this is August; the scan technician was pretty certain she saw boy bits; 11 pounds 10 oz seems ludicrously large - no one in my family has babies this big; we both have blue eyes and neither of us has curly brown hair (we're expecting a blue eyed baldy blonde baby, as that's what all the babies in our family looked like).

I loved the questions, and the answer choices. I do wish that the last animal I saw was an ocelot.

[audreyraines]

thanks Tigerfeet, that would be perfect!

Would you also mind adding into your crystal ball that

• ds1 will nap the whole way through and therefore not destroy my peaceful homebirth by yelling MUMMY COME HERE for the entire labour,
• the midwife will not interfere by trying to monitor baby every 2 seconds and will actually arrive only during the pushing stage
• my doula will make it in time, despite likely being camping somewhere at the time,
• i will not tear, and
• my belly will magically shrink down to a size 10 immediately after birth ...

thanks. not too much to ask for at all!