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Another post-birth visiting question...

(5 Posts)
JemL Tue 04-Aug-09 09:30:30

...posting on another thread about visitors after the baby has made me get quite upset about my own current hormonal issue - specifically my stepdad visiting after the baby. Although we superficially get on well, I have not liked him for years - he used to say really inappropriate things to me when I was 11/12, and would do things like walk round the house naked in front of me when I was a teenager. He emotionally blackmails my mum too - last year when they had a big argument, he took an overdose of tablets, washed down with a bottle of vodka, and he has told her if she ever leaves him, he will do it again.

I tolerate him for the sake of my mum and my half sisters, but I hate the fact that he has anything to do with DS and for some reason I have become fixated on the fact that he will be coming to visit us in hospital when the new baby is born (I'm 31 weeks preg) and will be there when DS meets the new baby (when DS was born, he was ill, so didn't visit for about a week)I can't stand the thought of him being there, it is really upsetting me, but I really can't think of what to do about it without coming across as hurtful and confrontational - which will just upset my mum.

I have thought about this far too much, and got myself really tied up in knots about it, so any advice would be very much appreciated...!

becktay Tue 04-Aug-09 10:48:52

oh you poor love.
sorry don't have great advice but can you say you want ds1 just to come alone to meet baby for 1st time? say you just want your mum till your energy is up a bit?
having babies really throw up memories of your own upbringing doesn't it. you and your dp and ds have made your own family unit now with lots of positive and wonderful memories soon to be made.
lots of good birth vibes to you and just think of that gorgeous little baby you're going to be holding soon. smile

JemL Wed 05-Aug-09 09:02:21

THank you...you're right, the important thing is the baby, and our family - I think that is what gets to me, we are so happy together, but there is always this issue in the background. I will just have to get DH to make sure only DS and my mum visit first of all - and hope that nothing more is said about it. Thanks again!

Hollyoaks Wed 05-Aug-09 09:09:01

Can your ds not visit the ward with your dh outside of the normal visiting hours so he sees the new baby before anyone else does anyway? I know thats the policy at my local hospital.

pasturesnew Wed 05-Aug-09 09:17:03

My hospital has restricted visitor access at the moment due to swine flu - it would be worth checking if the no.s of visitors are more limited this time and tell your mum that stepdad can't come to the hospital for that reason.

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