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A call to Dads

(15 Posts)
skorpion Mon 27-Jul-09 10:39:29

My husband and I don't know many parents, therefore he doesn't really have a source of first hand information about participating in labour. Do you think you could share your experiences or point me in the direction of an already existing thread if there is one, please? Thank you.

sleeplessinstretford Mon 27-Jul-09 10:51:15

we did nct which isn't to everyones cup of tea but dp really felt he knew what was going on-i couldn't bear to be touched during either of my labours and you don't know how you'll feel either but i guess it's just a case of you doing some sort of research on labour and writing a birth plan together and involving him in your decisions. Mine felt involved with mine by me discussing with him the 'what if's' of it all ie 'if i am 7cm then don't let me have an epidural', 'if i end up with section you do skin to skin and stay with baby even if it means me being on my own' it's not an exact science and each birth is different. i am sure he'll be fine and you'll muddle through together.

stuffitlllama Mon 27-Jul-09 10:51:17

hi.. there's a dadsnet section in topics... try posting there!

skorpion Mon 27-Jul-09 12:01:38

Thank you sleepless, I will. He's still a bit reluctant and I just don't want him to feel helpless and left out. But also don't want to have to worry about his feelings and comfort when the time comes iyswim grin

skorpion Mon 27-Jul-09 12:02:53

Sorry, meant to say thanks stuffit, too. Brain not what it used to be...

Zorra Mon 27-Jul-09 12:55:35

We've agreed that my DH won't participate in the labour, only the very first bit where I expect to be wandering around having contractions every 20 minutes or so (first baby!)

DH is very emotionally demanding, and I don't want to be focusing on him rather than on birthing, plus it's totally outside of his cultural norms to be present. I have also been doing a lot of reading and there is a lot of anecdotal evidence about male energy changing the mood in the birth room and making labour more difficult.

Of course if it meant a lot to him to be present then we'd work something out, but I think it suits us both for him to not be involved. Of course this may not be for you, but just wanted to say that very few of our 'norms' about birth are obligatory

skorpion Mon 27-Jul-09 14:49:42

zorra - yes, I have been wondering. Whenever we talked about it in the past he was rather strongly against being there. Now, he seems to be very excited about the whole thing (ie pregnancy), much more than I expected him to be. I did think it would be selfish of me to demand that he be there. If he is I want it to be a positive experience for him, without having to worry about how he takes it. So I think preparation is the key here.

UnquietDad Mon 27-Jul-09 14:52:17

Hi there

Your DH could do a lot worse than have a copy of

this very funny and informative book

skorpion Mon 27-Jul-09 15:10:34

Oooh, thank you. I'm a bit dubious about books for Dads being just laughs without much information, but this looks good.

sleeplessinstretford Mon 27-Jul-09 16:07:35

my dh was a bit patronised about the laddy tone of the dad books- he was really supportive during pregnancy but as i was having my internal when a week overdue and i looked at his look of horror i began to worry about how he'd cope. He honestly looked like he was about to cry- anyway-push comes to shove and he was amazing.
couldn't have asked for a better birth partner,gave him lots of options of support (ie my best friend coming in/my mum with or without him) he'll be fine.

beautifulgirls Tue 28-Jul-09 11:22:32

Just tell him not to fall asleep while you are in labour shock Mine did!!!

nomorecake Wed 29-Jul-09 00:11:02

i read a thread on here about things that were funny or annoying in labour or something like that (i wished i'd saved it).

from that thread, i informed DH to stay away from 'the business end', dont snack have tea if i can have any (MW did offer, i gave him a look, he politely declined), explained i may poo, what the show or plug was and where to find stuff in the hospital bag. also not to feel rejected if i dont want to be touched (which i didnt).

also made sure he know what pain releif i wanted, in case i was in too much or a state, he could ask for it for me.

we went to hospital antenatal classes, and visited the ward before labour, both of which dh found useful.

i think dh found the hardest thing was to watch me in such pain and not be able to stop it or help me. he felt helpless.

but he was so supportive, he did everything i asked of him, didnt seem fased by the goo of childbirth and was, outwardly at least, quite calm.

he also had a lot of pressure from friends and family who wanted to know how things were going, when things werten't going great. he handled it so well. despite having very little sleep for 3 days.

i'm not sure if this is along the lines of what you were looking for, but i hope it helps.

nomorecake Wed 29-Jul-09 00:14:23

i meant

don't snack or have tea if i can't have any (MW did offer, i gave him a look, he politely declined),

tired, need my bed

skorpion Wed 29-Jul-09 08:23:25

nomorecake - thank you. This is very helpful. I know which thread you mean - wish I'd saved it myself. I think your point about them feeling helpless is right, must be hard for the guys not to be able to do anything about their wives/girlfriends' pain. I suppose knowledge of what to expect is key.

nomorecake Wed 29-Jul-09 12:00:36

oh and its helpful if they know how to use the tens machine, because i couldnt concentrate on stuff like that. just shouted turn it UPPPP!


goodluck to you both.

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