Anyone clashed with their midwife at a homebirth?(11 Posts)
And if so, how did you deal with it?
Am hoping for a homebirth next week and when I asked my midwife what the chances were of me getting someone I'd actually met for the event it seems that it's pretty unlikely. I had an awful mw for my first delivery and in retrospect I wish I'd done something about it at the time and asked for someone else.
I realise that if I get someone I don't feel comfortable with at a homebirth then there's unlikely to be any room to manouvere and was wondering if anyone had dealt with this situation?
I would have done if I hadn't had a doula. I hadn't met the one who turned up and the first thing she did on arrival - when I was obviously near to giving birth - was to ask e to get out of the pool to be examined. My plan was very definite about no examinations unless absolutely necessary. She was very scared about being at a home birth and wanted to manage me like a hospital case. Luckily the only bit I knew about at the time was the exam bit. I said no and then the doula took her out of the room to tell her like it was my wishes and deal with all her other insecutities etc
You could prime your birth partner in the same way?
Think I might have had as she was a bit like TheProvincialLady's - very 'hospital'! However she only turned up about 10 minutes before DS so she didn't have time to annoy me.
i was worried about this last time and am worried about it again - second HB due next week hopefully..
having a doula last time really helped me to feel secure that i would have someone to fight my corner if needed - sorry if thats not that helpful for you but definitely making sure your birth partner is clear about things will help. I remember my doula saying that when a midwife comes to your house there is a different dynamic because she is on "your turf" and i think this is true..although i guess it might make them more anxious, i would think usually they will be more respectful of your wishes.
In the end last time i had the mw from heaven who was wonderful in every way- we only clashed when i insisted that i wanted to go to the hospital and be cut open to get this bloody well over with NOW - to which she mildly replied that it being a friday evening i'd probably have to wait a few hours for an anaesthetist etc..
needless to say ds was born a couple of hours later - at home!
Am really hoping to get the same mw again but she is on holiday til sunday so am hoping baby holds on til then..
hope i don't sound too flippant but i really hope all goes well for you - sounds like we will be having our babies about the same time so will look out for you on other threads..
There's not a particular midwife I want to avoid, but I recently had one that I clicked with and have been able to see what a difference it makes to come away from appointments feeling confident and positive. She's on holiday at the moment so is the one person I know I'm not going to get. All my concerns surrounding this birth seem to centre on the midwife, which seems a bit ridiculous but I had a midwife from hell last time.It sounds like a I have similar concerns to everyone else, about being treated in a 'hospital' manner rather than just being left to get on with it as nature intended in the absence of anything going wrong.
My husband is great and supportive of what I want when I explain to him why I want to do things a certain way, but I'm not sure of his ability to advocate for me on the day if it came down to a conflict with the midwife. I booked a doula but it was all really last minute and I'd only had a chance to have an initial meeting with her, and now she's just told me that her daughter has suspected swine flu and she wouldn't feel comfortable meeting up again at the moment. So now I'm not sure what to do. I'm due on Monday so I don't know if it's worth trying to find another doula at this stage or if I should just go with heavy prepping of the husband and scrawling my birth plan all over the walls in giant red letters. If only I were rich enough to get an IM
she doesn't have to stay in the room with you all the time.
we all took one look at the second mw (you know the extra one you get at the end) to turn up at my hb and banished her to the kitchen.
I know! I'm having visions of screaming 'get out of my house'! My husband jokes that my birth plan is 'DON'T TOUCH ME'. I think some of this is obviously because of feelings that I have towards my last midwife, but also because I am hoping for a calm, peaceful birth without unecessary interference and I'm unsure of how likely that is with lots of the midwives I've met. I don't really care about their hospital protocols or what's routine for them, I want to do this my way.
I had a homebirth with 2 mws I had never met before and it was absolutely fine
I think - at the risk of sounding rude about hospital MWs here - that if you are being served by a dedicated homebirth team the chances are high that you will get a certain kind of midwife. Someone who 'gets' what a woman in labour needs and is more sensitive to the fact you want to be setting the agenda.
If you have someone being sent from a hospital I would also imagine you are more likely to get someone who shares this philosophy though it is more risky.
I also have had two fantastic homebirths with midwives I had never met before. Like you I really worried beforehand about getting on with them, and had certain mw's who I really hoped would be on duty that day/night.
I agree with fairylights about the dynamic being different when mw's are on your turf.
And also with tambajam that the mw's who came out for both my homebirths were already pro-homebirth, and very comfortable with just letting me get on with it.
Ironically I had a midwife for my first birth that was worse than useless, hands off totally, and even left during the labour to go and get more gas and air since she brought the wrong bottle first time, and then again when we ran out of the half bottle that she eventually brought!!!!
She gave no advice or help, despite my baby being back to back with me. In fact she said nothing except "let me just examine you" and "you are 5cm", in the whole time she was with me. After another 6 hours of stalled labour I eventually asked to go into hospital. If I had had more help I might well have progressed better, of that I am convinced. Me staying stationary for 6 hours did not help the progress of labour and I know that with a bit of encouragement I could have moved a bit more as I needed to be reassured that it was all normal and that I should stop panicking!!!!
So rather than being worried about my next planned homebirth of having an interferring m/w, I was more concerned that they would be silent and unreassuring!!!!!!!
Fortunately I got a midwife who knew to talk me through it on the next time and had a fantastic homebirth with ds2.
GFAMB - I hope that you get a fantastic m/w for your homebirth too.
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