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I have an appointment to discuss my birth -

(17 Posts)
babyignoramus Tue 21-Jul-09 14:41:43

with a midwife who runs a birth stories service. She's ordering my notes from the hospital and I'm meeting her one-to-one (not till Sept unfortunately). Tbh, how I feel after this meeting will be a factor in whether I decide to have any more DC. Has anyone else done this? I would be interested to know if it helped. I am going to make notes of what I want to discuss so I don't forget anything., but I don't really know what I want to get from it!

craftynclothy Tue 21-Jul-09 14:56:09

I did this 2 years after the birth of dd (I'm pregnant again). It really helped. Mine was just with a Supervisor Of Midwives and a delivery suite Supervisor at the hospital I gave birth in. They went through everything with me, answered all the questions I had, explained why certain things happened the way it did, etc.

Momino Tue 21-Jul-09 15:17:00

same as crafty, 2 yrs after dd2's birth that traumatised me. i needed to talk about the experience prior to birth of dd3. i had few questions but just going over the notes with the head mw helped immensely. i had a great birth experience 3rd time round.

LuluMaman Tue 21-Jul-09 15:19:28

take a friend or someone with you for support

take a list of questions. does not matter how many you need to ask, or how small and insignificant it seems. use this as an opportunity to get it all out

i presume you want to know why a previous birth was traumatic? if it could have been prevented or managed differeently? and that if oyu do have another DC, it won;t happen again?

babyignoramus Tue 21-Jul-09 16:07:18

to cut a long story short, i had an em cs - i know why i had the cs (failure to progress, DS in distress), but not what caused the slow progress and DS's distress in the first place. Basically i want to know how likely i am to be able to have an elective cs next time and/or how likely it is that the same thing may happen if i have to try for a vbac. hopefully she will be able to help with those questions!

LuluMaman Tue 21-Jul-09 16:14:03

i had similar in my first birth and had a perfectly straightforward VBAC with DD, but we do have 6 years between the DCs as teh whole thing was so traumatising and led to PND

babyignoramus Tue 21-Jul-09 16:23:42

The thing I'm worried about is that I have a feeling it's to do with my physique - not my pelvis size but the space in my abdomen as I'm very short. I had DS on his due date (even tho he was first baby) - the midwife agreed to do a sweep the day before as I couldn't move anymore!! The cx were v. strong straight away, DS was in distress from the word go (meconium in waters)and kicked frantically throughout labour. Then his heart rate dropped dramatically when I had a practice push. My community midwife said afterwards she had a feeling I might not be able to get him out! If it's to do with my size then the same thing will probably happen again which scares me. I want to see if there's any opinions in the notes on what might have happened.

LuluMaman Tue 21-Jul-09 16:36:51

it is not really to do with the size of your abdomen, if your pelvis is normal then there should not be an issue, the position you are in can make a big difference in how open the pelvis can be and how mobile you are too

there are so many factors taht acn have an impact

the meconium and the dropped heartrate with the pushing suggest distress if it does not come back up quickly. perhaps the cord around him?

how big was he and was he presenting normally?

well, you don;t have to go through it all here, you can go through it all in spetember with the midwife

babyignoramus Tue 21-Jul-09 16:43:59

Sorry, yes I seem to be having the whole discussion here!! He was 7lb 6oz and was in the perfect position until labour itself (awkward child!).No idea about the cord, perhaps I will find that out at the meeting. I'm looking forward to a good old look through my notes actually. grin

LuluMaman Tue 21-Jul-09 18:39:49

i did not mean that to sound like , don;t talk about it . but only don't go through it all if you find it difficult

if you want to put it all down here, that's not a problem

was not being off putting blush

MarmadukeScarlet Tue 21-Jul-09 18:55:56

I had a meeting with the supervisor of midwifery when DS (DC2) was 5 days old, it didn't help at all.

She was on the defensive and DS was emergency admitted to SCBU - having been out for all of 2 hours, when I didn't want him out until they could tell me why he was so poorly.

I would be interested to hear of how you get on and if you feel it helps you.

I had a tough time with both (me first time - DD fine thank goodness - and DS second time - has CP. When I was PG with DS we bought a huge house with the plan to have another 2, but I will never be able to have another due to trauma/memories of events.

DjangoTheDjinn Tue 21-Jul-09 18:59:43

I would be interested to hear how you get on. I can't face having more after dd's birth but feel desperately sad that she will be an only. I can't talk about the birth in rl, I just sob.

springlamb Tue 21-Jul-09 19:12:28

I did this when ds was about 18 months. I very clearly had PTSD but had kept a lid on it until ds was 14 months old and then all hell broke loose. DS had frequent hospital appointments and I used to find myself loitering outside the maternity theatre. Quite bad PTSD actually.
It did open the floodgates to dealing with it. Found it very difficult to read the midwife's labour notes about me (and dh) and the details of ds's condition immediately after the emergency CS.
A further two years of therapy (during which we went over and over it all again and again) had me feeling OK-ish.
When ds was 7 I had another baby and surprisingly went to the same hospital. Planned CS (and I mean planned), such a different experience.
But we never got to the 4 children we wanted when we were 18.

MadameCastafiore Tue 21-Jul-09 19:15:34

I think you can discuss as much as you want but unless you have a planned C section then you are at the mercy of your body and the baby!

LuluMaman Tue 21-Jul-09 20:30:39

django, please contact either the birth trauma association or sheila kitzingers birth crisis, to get in touch with some either by emial or phone to talk about your experience. it will help

madamecastiafore, i do think that some of it is down to luck BUT I strongly believe that there are things you can try and steps you can take to encourage a more positive outcome

a planned c.s is not without risks and drawbacks either

LuluMaman Tue 21-Jul-09 20:31:15

alos, regardless of whether the OP has another baby and goes for a VBAC or section, to come to terms with the first birth is crucial

springlamb Tue 21-Jul-09 20:59:06

Strongly agree Lulumaman. Even though I feel I was also coming to terms with having a disabled child as well, it took nearly 5 years before I really accepted what had happened and started to move on with my totally changed life.
Django, that's what you need to be doing (sobbing). You need a safe place to go over what happened to you, then scream and shout and sob about what happened to you, if that's what it takes.
I did this for two years. I never thought there would be a time when I didn't sob. Nov and early Dec are still difficult for me (14 years on), memories still come back, but now I have the memories of dd's birth in 2001 (a picnic compared to ds) which is also November to help wipe out the bad bits.

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