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Anyone not had a birth partner at all?

(9 Posts)
fluffyanimal Tue 14-Jul-09 12:59:15

I'm due with dc2 in about 3-4 weeks and neither dh nor I have family very close at hand. My mum is very elderly. She is hoping to come up to stay around the time of the birth.

But I'm envisaging that dh will need to be looking after our ds1 (3yo) while I'm in labour. We've never left anyone else to look after him because we don't have anyone on hand to have been able to do it regularly so he got used to them, and anyway my mum is a bit too frail to cope with him on her own. Equally, I think that her coming with me to the hospital for the birth might end up being a bit much.

We live in the country, so the hospital is about 40 mins away. I'm coming round to the prospect that I might be giving birth alone. Can't afford a doula, not sure I'm keen on the idea anyway. Has anyone else been on their own for giving birth?

muddleduck Tue 14-Jul-09 13:16:39

no relevant experience, but I'd do the same in your situation and when ds2 was born this was our fall back plan if my mum was held up. It would be far more important to me to know that dc1 is being well looked after than to have dh in the room. My only concern would be whether your dh would feel that he'd missed out.

laurawantsababy Tue 14-Jul-09 15:16:02

I am going to give birth to dc2 on my own. I wanted dp there with dd but he was and I regret it. I much prefer to get on with it!

Could you have dh and ds there and then they escape to the day room for the 'arrival'?

Maybe your mum could go aswell and sit with your ds in the day room for a while so dh is there??

MiniMarmite Tue 14-Jul-09 20:13:03

No experience myself but my MIL gave birth to 3 out of 4 of her children without my FIL there. He was a worrier and she just felt that it would be easier for her that way rather than worrying about him worrying!

She thought it was absolutely fine but I know it was all a long time ago so I don't know how different things were then.

onepieceoflollipop Tue 14-Jul-09 20:17:41

At least one poster on here didn't have their dh/dp with them, for childcare/practical reasons iirc. Think it was expat?

One of my mother's friends (the friend is in her 30s, so more my age than my mother's) made an active choice to give birth alone. (i.e. no partner) Apparently the midwives were absolutely lovely, and gave her more attention as they didn't want to leave her alone whereas most women would have had a partner.She just felt funny/odd/squeamish about her dp being present.

GinaFordAteMyBaby Thu 16-Jul-09 14:34:09

If you could find a trainee doula in your area then they're only allowed to charge £150 so it might be worth looking into. If you go to you can do a search by postcode and at least see if there are trainees or anyone you like the sound of in your area.

nightshade Thu 16-Jul-09 14:54:25

dh was at the hospital but not in for birth of dd. it was absolutely fine and not once did i actually wish he was there.

can he arrange to come to hospital as soon after delivery as poss??

Confuzzeled Thu 16-Jul-09 15:17:02

I'm due in 5 weeks and in the process of training up a friend to look after dd when I go into labour.

However dh has been away for over 2 weeks and I knew I'd have to do it on my own if I went early (very likely, already had a scare).

Is there anyone you know that could come stay the night and spend some time with your ds. Just in case you really need your dh with you?

OmniDroid Thu 16-Jul-09 15:30:37

I had DD (DC2) on my own while DH looked after our son.

I thought it was great. Truthfully. I could focus totally on giving birth, on my body and my experience, and not worry about anyone else at all.

I did have a nice midwife though, and a home birth. I think those two things made all the difference.

DH and DS came back home about 2 hours after DD was born, and got to meet the baby. I'd birthed the placenta, been stitched, washed and was having a nice cup of tea. Very civilised.

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