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feel upset when hearing birth stories (5 months after my own)

(9 Posts)
AnotherMuesliPleaseBarman Wed 01-Jul-09 20:31:22

I've just been watching a TV programme where a woman delivered twins prematurely at home. I am now sitting here on the sofa in tears.

When I hear stories like this, I feel an odd combination of empathy, admiration, horror, guilt and disappointment (in myself). I think I may still have 'issues' relating to the birth of my own DS - a fairly common story, I think, culminating in a failed induction and emergency C-Section.

I feel sick at the thought of other women going through similar pain, and almost certainly much worse pain than anything I experienced during 10 hrs of syntocinon-induced contractions. I admire these women. I feel inadequate in comparison. I feel that I should have coped better, been stronger somehow. I still feel that I missed out on a vital 'experience'. And at a recent cervical smear test, the nurse who did it said my cervix was very high and as a result she 'doubted very much that I would ever be able to give birth naturally'. I'm not sure whether it was her place to say that or not..

I'm not sure what to do about these feelings, or whether I should just brush them aside and get on with caring for my lovely DS. I thought I'd got over any feelings of disappointment months ago, so to be admitting this now is something of a surprise. sad

mumofdjandbabies Wed 01-Jul-09 20:33:22

I felt exactly the same.
<big hug>

mumofdjandbabies Wed 01-Jul-09 20:34:06

ps, I watched that program too.

ShowOfHands Wed 01-Jul-09 20:37:59

My dd is 2, supposed to be a homebirth, ended up a very long, intervention heavy labour and a final em cs. There's not a day goes by that I don't feel some of what you describe. I let her down, let myself down, should have tried harder, shouldn't have cried with pain, can't watch or talk about birth.

I will never have another child because of it. Please get some help. The Birth Trauma Association is very good I hear.

Noonki Wed 01-Jul-09 20:46:06

You can get really good help from the Birth Trauma Association.

Please do, because otherwise you may have similar feelings for a long time.

you can also often go back to the hospital and go through your birth with someone who can reinforce that none of it was your fault.

I had a more difficult second birth and think that this may have added to my bonding problems (intially) with DS2

PeppermintPatty Wed 01-Jul-09 20:53:06

I had an awful labour that ended with an emcs too, and I felt the same as you for a long time afterwards. From talking to others, I think a lot of people feel this way.

It has got better over time, but sometimes it still upsets me massively on occasion, and I blame my emcs on lots of things that have happened since (even though they are probably unrelated to it!).

SarahL2 Wed 01-Jul-09 21:01:44

DS is 2.4 and I am 14 weeks pregnant. Going to see the "Birth Experiences" (Traumatic Birth) team at the hospital on Monday to discuss what happened and how it can be changed next time.

I regret lots about DS's birth and feel very let down by the nurses and midwives who were supposed to help me and instead just added to my suffering.

I'm petified of giving birth this time whereas I was calm about it before I had DS

Bumpsadaisie Fri 03-Jul-09 08:43:31

If you had an induction with drip, you can be dead proud of yourself - you had fullest-on kind of labour there is and coped with it! "Natural" birth is a lot more manageable.

(I speak as one who was induced with my dd - now 4 weeks old. I didn't have a caesarean in the end as they managed to get her out with forceps, but I was literally about 5 minutes away from one after three hours of pushing (I was so exhausted I was sleeping in between contractions that were 90 secs apart, and I think I would have passed out if I'd had to do two or three more!)

We are right to feel incredibly proud of ourselves for being so brave! If you went all the the way to a caesarean you've coped and dealt with the absolute maximum that it could have thrown at you - well done!

I think its natural to feel empathy for other women who are going through childbirth when you have recently done it yourself. During one of my midwife visits she was called by a first timer who was asking her whether she thought her waters had gone and whether she was in very early labour. I really felt for the girl and thought "best of luck, love - God I'm glad I've not got to do that again in a hurry!!"

MiniMarmite Fri 03-Jul-09 14:28:51

I had a reasonably similar birth experience to what Bumpsadaisie has described except I ended up with a ventouse rather than forceps and (thankfully) wasn't pushing for quite so long. Bumpsadaisie - glad that you've quickly acknowledged the full-on labour bit - I felt for ages like I'd cheated a bit and everything had been accelerated for me - forgot about the bit where it really hurts etc!

I felt that I was rubbish at giving birth - my waters broke and my contractions were very weak and irregular but I still felt proud that I got through it.

DS is 10 months old now.

I can honestly say that until about 3 months ago I still felt quite traumatised even when my friends were feeling fine about theirs (and some even trying for another baby).

I feel much better about it all now. I don't remember the pain quite so vividly and I feel more confident that it will work out ok next time. I still have fears that my body still won't know what to do but I think I'm more accepting of the feeling that it doesn't matter.

I still cry if I see someone giving birth on tv though!

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