Is it possible to request no visitors in hospital?

[Gentle]

I expect this varies from hosp to hosp...

Might be having my second c-section later this year. First time round, I found having visitors really difficult. I did ask for no visitors at one stage but this was completely ignored by the people who came to visit (that's a whole other story for another thread) and, being very ill and not able to stand up for myself, I ended up playing smiling hostess when I should have been having a private blub on DH's shoulder and concentrating on me and the baby.

I am getting wound up about this happening again and I wondered - if someone comes to reception and asks to visit you, why do the hospital often seem to let them in without checking who they are? When I've visited people in hospital I've always been surprised at how no-one seems bothered about who you are or what your intentions are for the patient.

So... Has anyone ever asked the hospital to refuse visitors to your bedside (especially the ones who think "But I'm special, they won't turn me away!?"

Is it even possible? If so, how did it work out?

[FluffyBunnyGoneBad]

Of course you can, you just tell the nurses when you are admitted and they tell each other on each hand over. It may piss them off though (the relatives), but if the nurses say you are unable to recieve visitors then it's their problem. The visitors have to get buzzed in through reception any way, all the nurses do is tell them you are unable to have visitors when they turn up. Could you not tell your friends/relatives before you go in?

[mama2leah]

i plan to do this, i told my inlaws specifically they didnt listen to me, this time im gonna kick up a fuss!!! ARGHHH

[Gentle]

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Thanks for that advice. Yes I did tell relatives last time and will again this time, so they will have had fair warning!

mama2leah My sympathies, I hope you manage to be in charge of what's happening this time.

[MissPitstop]

I refused to have any vistors when I give birth to DS2 & DS3 except for DH and my own kids. When I had DS1 my ex mother in law was in the delivery room 10 mins after I gave birth, I felt dreadful and was gutted when she took him off me for a cuddle. Even if you have a CS you are not in hospital for long in the grand scheme of things. Theres plenty of time for everyone else to meet the new arrival once you get home.

[Chaotica]

I had 3 visitors when I had DS: DP, DD and my sister (who had been looking after DD). I just put my foot down and refused all others (although they knew about it beforehand so they didn't turn up).

Is there anyone you could ask to do the dirty work for you? (My sister told my family to wait; when she had her DS, her best friend did the calling. It's easier that way.)

[onadietcokebreak]

Gentle think I remember your other thread where the nurses suggested you let them in as they were kicking up a fuss. Be firm, tell the midwife and have it written in birth plan if poss.

I know this is important to you and think maybe worth kicking a huge fuss up NOW to your family, tell them they never listen, you are fed up with them controlling etc. Better to do it sooner rather than later otherwise they may blight what should be a happy day!

[HappyChildminderBerkshire]

Don't tell anyone until you get home - that might work well especially if you aren't in for long?

[lisad123]

my friend did this after her C section, it was only her hubby and her parents and sister that were allowed. I was soo wanting to go u0p there and see her, but her hubby stood his ground and no one went till she got home. HTH

[SalBySea]

I've been asked by a patient not to let his dealer in. I am not a bouncer - stop calling him and be your own jimminy cricket was the outcome from multidisciplinary rounds!

[lauren61]

im in same position, everyone keeps sayin "ooh we'll come and see you straight away" and it sounds ridiculous but i dont have the balls to say no, just smile and nod like the idea of puttin in on your birth plan, i really dont want it to be a whole family and friends affair, my mum says when i have LO il grow more backbone lol, hope shes right! xx

[SalBySea]

its quite easy, just say "we'll let you know as soon as we are able for visitors" - its non confrontational and makes people feel important but still gives you breathing space and control.

[pipsy76]

gentle I know how you feel, Ive just had my second c section and really did not want visitors, however MIL was going away for the weekend so insisted on seeing DS2 before she left, when she announced it I was really unhappy, however on a more positive note this elective c section was a great experience and I was buzzing and happy 4 hours post surgery so surprisingly didn't mind when MIL arrived, hope you find a solution.

[blueberrysorbet]

hi there, i didn't want any visitors but relatives arrived anyway-driving over 2 hours and making me feel guilty... the nurse asked me if i wanted them let in and i said yes cos of the drive. this time we are an overnight flight away from anyone( not intentional!) but previously we said no visitors for at least 2-3 weeks. in fact, we were going to lie about the due date

[llareggub]

My hospital has kindly solved this problem for me by effectively banning all visitors to the post-natal ward, bar partners, due to a recent outbreak of norovirus. I am hoping the ban remains in place for the next month!

[Gentle]

Thanks everyone, I am so glad that it's not just me that feels this way!

I am going to wait until I'm a bit closer to the time and know whether I'm having a section or VBAC, but either way I'm going to try and insist on a 3 day no visitors period.

I'll never understand why people are so hurt by this. I love to visit friends and family in hospital because I admit that it makes me feel special and included, but when someone says "no visitors" I fully respect that, in fact I usually think "go you!"

[fruitstick]

Gentle, have just been reading your other post about your father in law .

Put your foot down! I was in hospital for 5 days after DS2 was born and my father-in-law and brother-in-law came to visit. Honestly it was horrific. Not because they did anything wrong but I was hormonal, my milk had jsut come in , the cubicle was claustrophobic, DS1 was overtired and I felt like some seaside monkey.

Be firm and only have people who you want for support - not people who want to come and ogle the baby.

[maxbear]

As a midwife I have never had anyone request no visitors....but I wish some of them would. We have awful trouble with tons of people coming at once and they get shirty when you say no children other than mothers own, only two at once etc. Do they think that we make these rules for fun? The other day someone had sneaked a child in who was not the mothers own and whilst I was doing a postnatal check he appeared in the cubicle. Luckily the lady didn't mind but it drives me mad when people don't respect the reason for these rules. As some one else said, it is such a short time that people are in hospital for why can't people wait and let the poor mums rest!

SO if you come to the place I work in I would be happy to fend off your visitors for you

[Gentle]

maxbear Thank you. I'm not surprised that staff get cheesed off. How much do you charge for bouncer services?

Last time I was in hospital we had a 2 visitors policy as well (think that's fairly standard). About 4 hours after the birth I had 5 people standing around the bed (6 if you count poor old DH who hardly got a look-in) all chatting away to each other and showing no signs of leaving as other people arrived. I kept saying "It's only two visitors at a time guys" but I honestly thought they were going to break out the cheese, nibbles and holiday snaps at one point. We were on a ward too, not a private room, so it was a real squish and I cringed for the people in the beds alongside me.

Afterwards I was sternly told by a midwife that I was only allowed 2 visitors at a time and I just thought, why do you keep letting people in to see me then? My legs haven't woken up yet and I'm on a drip and catheter, I can't exactly head them off at the door!

[sarahken]

I Know exactly how you feel. I wrote in my birth plan that I didn't want my inlaws let in without consulting me to see if I was up to it (they make the cast of Shameless look good). When they read my birthplan during my induction, the midwife laughed and said it was not their responsibility and I would have to tell them myself. Within hours after an emergency section, still hooked to cathter, drips etc, I told my hubby to phone his mum and tell her she could visit between 7.30-8 as it was 2 visitors at a time, and his dad (they are seperated) could also visit at this time. My mum was coming up 7-7.30 as I wanted her to be first and have time alone. Well my MIL was waiting outside at 6.50pm, and insisted on coming in with my mum. She brought my dh's brother (who was only 10years old at the time), so by the time his dh dad turned up, he also had his new wife with him, there was 5 people round the bed not including my poor dh.

My mum left at 7.30 as requested, but his mum would not leave, she takes a hint but always chooses to ignore it. I didnt have the strength for an argument and she knew it. Just wish my dh had the balls to tell her himself, what is it with mothers and son's? Anyhow, my dh's brother sat there taking photo's of me, laughing thinking it was funny I looked such a mess. I was so annoyed. When we got home, I put us on lockdown!! we only answered the door when we knew it wasn't her.

This time (I'm 34+3) I'm having an elective c-section and definately not telling her the date even though she keeps asking. I just keep saying I haven't made my mind up whether I'm having a VBAC or c-section. I have told my dh under no circumstances is he to tell her when it is. It sounds harsh but even if I told her straight she would still come as she's so hard-faced, probably camp out if she could.

I'm planning on having the c-section and after my mother and son have visited, my dh can then phone everyone that night to let the rest of the family know baby has arrived, when visiting time is over so I at least get a day of peace. My hospital has changed it's policy on women having c-sects and its STRICTLY no more than 2 visitors on the day of c-sect for 1hr only, so my mother and son certainly aren't been put out for her. If it was up to me I would not have her visit for a few weeks but dh would be upset so this is our compromise.

I have to remind him, its my body and he wouldn't like it if all my family arrived an hour after such an intimate event he wouldn't be too pleased either!! This time I don't care who I offend as my little family come first. People may be annoyed and put out but they will get over it, I still get annoyed over last time-its best to tell people at the time, than wreck your first few days.

[sarahken]

sorry, went off on one a bit there, shows how annoyed I still am about it!!

[traceybath]

Blimey - for first two c-sections i certainly had no-one apart from DH that day. Didn't want anyone seeing me with catheter in place and also spinals make me really really sick.

Now pregnant with dc3 and again it will be DH and ds's on first day only.

Subsequent days - i'll see how i feel.

Would add though you can't rely on midwifes to vet visitors - they're just too busy and under-staffed.

It is really inconsiderate though to other patients. With DS2 he was in nicu and i got sick of all the visitors around one woman's bed staring at me and whispering to each other 'where was my baby'.

[sazchocs]

I asked DH to keep everyone at bay until I felt ready for visitors. I was in hosp for 5 days after having DS and told the midwives that I did not want any visitors. I was so relieved as I watched all the other mothers put up with loads of people traipsing in and out twice a day. It was just DH, DS and I and it felt lovely although I am sure lots of friends and family thought it was rather selfish. I was recovering from an unexpected c section and was struggling with establishing breastfeeding and really didn't want to see anyone while I was feeling so vulnerable and all over the place.
I didn't see anyone apart from DH until the grandparents came a week after he was born.
I guess it depends on how busy the place is where you will be and how much control the staff have over who comes in. Where I was was small and quite well contained so it was easy for any unexpected visitors to be kept at bay.
Good luck

[Portoeufino]

I had emCS and was very grateful that no-one turned up that day. I was off with the fairies and dd and dh slept all day. My sister came day 2 which was lovely as she watched dd when i had a shower and tried her hardest to get bf going. Other friends and family came day 3.

But i think they need to be stricter in general about visitors. It's almost as you're not ILL there is a free for all and people can come in huge numbers at any hour. At the end of the day, most new mothers are only there for a very short time and I think it fair enough that it is immediate family only.

I was on the ante-natal ward for 2 weeks and the girl in the bed next to me (being induced) had about 10 family members round her bed for 2 days! It really pissed me off as you don't get any privacy at all, even at bed time. And there were others there in early labour. It really isn't a spectator sport.

[Meglet]

I had lots of visitors after my em cs 2 years ago, it was horrible

Second time round with a planned cs last sept I e-mailed my family and said no visitors, and dp told his family I would need time to recover. Didn't really get visitors until day 6 at home, even then they didn't hang around too long.

I thoroughly recommend asking people nicely to stay away, especially as you might have a cs. I was so much happier second time.

[SalBySea]

"Afterwards I was sternly told by a midwife that I was only allowed 2 visitors at a time and I just thought, why do you keep letting people in to see me then? "

because they are busy doing more important things maybe?

Unless its a secure ward what do you expect? the midwives to stand at the door counting visitors and asking for ID rather than answering bells and seeing to their patients?

Not many people dont realise their pregnant till they give birth, it is a forseeable event!

A friend of mine handed her mobile phone over to her dad and he was basically her bouncer, spreading visitors out and fending them off when needed.

We have told our families that WE will let THEM know when we are "up to visits"

You can always lie, say you are booked into a unit that allows birth partners only

If you have a wimpy DH who wont stand up for you and look after you by getting rid of his family for you when you've just brought his child into the world then be pissed off with him, not the midwives cause if they were sitting at the desk all day that would be a much worse reflection on them wouldnt it!