Cesarean...

[dabihp]

Facing cesarean no. 2
Apparently my pelvis just isnt' big enough for childbirth... sigh


Didnt get to experience labour first time, won't this time either...


Anyone else similar feel like a failure, or cheated out of birthing experience??

[happymerryberries]

Had 2 sections. One failure to progress, one elective, but ds was a very large footling breech and I had pre-eclampia as well.

Never felt in the slightest bit cheated. I have two beautiful kids, and that is all I wanted in terms of experience.

[Twiglett]

I wonder how I would've coped with contractions and the whole bithing experince

but honestly, no .. don't feel like I've missed out on anything - don't think intense pain and a stretched vagina, potential tear / episiotomy is anything to be that narked about missing out on

[JanH]

Yes. But it's a fleeting thing, and healthy mum and baby is the most important thing down the years. I went on to have 2 more sections and didn't feel at all cheated by them.

[Ellaroo]

My first child was a natural birth and the second a c-section. Can honestly say that I found the c-section a far more euphoric & bonding, happy experience than the first birth, as did my husband. I also think that in terms of thinking about your body - having had a natural birth & a c-section my body has been affected in two places, at least with 2 c-sections it is all limited to one area. I think that there are a hundred scenarios that could potentially make you feel a failure with a natural birth, and so would try not to beat yourself up for doing the right thing for you and your baby.

[mrsflowerpot]

I'm probably about to be in the same situation as you - ds was elective section and I have to see the consultant in a few weeks about what I do with this one in June. DS couldn't engage and the chances are it's my pelvis shape/size so will be same story this time.

I will admit that I did not deal with it at all well last time, felt cheated, a total failure and beat myself up about it for three years (not helped by stupid hospital midwife misreading my notes and telling me the section wasn't necessary - that was only cleared up for me when my notes resurfaced in this pregnancy). I went into this pregnancy with the attitude that nobody was going to cheat me of my VBAC and I would fight anyone who tried, but I have really changed my mind from that over the last few months and I actually now am totally relaxed about possible section. And in fact I'm finding it more and more difficult to remember why I felt so bad after the first one.

Although any time anyone says anything about an easy option or too posh to push I do want to knock them over, so maybe some things don't leave you ...

[toomanypushchairs]

Don't think you should feel cheated, as long as baby & you are ok. I dont feel cheated but it does seem crazy, I have 4 children and have never gone into labour myself! first 2 were induced, 2nd 2 (dt's) c-section. nevermind eh?

[honeybunny]

I've had 3 CS, thought I wanted to go for the "natural" approach for this last one but was talked out of it by the consultant, for similar reasons as yourself, narrow pelvis, failure to progress with labour after induction for no1, etc. Dont feel cheated at all. I have 3 beautiful children, full of health and vitality, none the worse for their experience of arrival by CS and a hassle free recovery post op 3 times. What's to get hung up on?

[aloha]

I had a caesarian for placenta praevia first time. Obviously it's not nice have pp - quite scary - but the section was great. I had a spinal and it went incredibly well. Second time, planned another section just because first time had been so good. Got bad flu and postponed the second section and went into labour. I can say this was the worst experience of my life. Horrible, horrible, frightening pain. Agony. I was crying, and felt - literally - as if I was being tortured. I was all alone on a dark ward, midwives were vile, and it was a back labour, waves of unbearable pain going up my legs and into my back. Hours of this later, I was 2.3cm dilated and getting so upset that they didn't seem to understand I wanted my section and I wanted it NOW. After a night from hell, I got into theatre and the moment I met the lovely, kind, clever, professional anaesthetist and the surgeon (who was incredibly handsome, incidentally!) I felt safe again, and the moment the spinal block began to work was just sheer bliss. Operation was wonderful, tears of joy all round when dd was born. Possibly even better than first time, recovery faster, and out of hospital after two nights. BUT - due to horrible, frightening experience of labour I did have some panic attacks after the second birth which marred the experience for me. So did I feel a failure? Of course not! Why would I? What on earth had I 'failed' at? Did I feel cheated out the birthing experience? Tbh, I think the 'birthing experience' is a highly overrated thing. I hated every hideous, agonizing moment of being in labour. Was so grateful to have a section. I think I'm really, really lucky.

[vickiyumyum]

agree with most fo the post here. i had an emergency section for failure to progress (lovely turn of phrase) and then had an elective section for breech with ds2, when had been planning to have a trial of scar. felt briwefly disappointed and then actually felt quite relieved as realised i had only been going along with the plan for a vaginal birth due to pressure from mum, friends etc.

[Ellbell]

I had placenta praevia, like Aloha (hi Aloha!). I was in hospital from 27 weeks as I was bleeding quite a lot (on and off ... every time they talked about letting me go home I bled a bit more just to make really sure I wasn't going anywhere ). At first I did feel cheated of the birth experience I'd planned, but I had a long time to get used to the idea and to accept that I had no alternative. Once I'd got my head around that, I had the best experience ever. The whole thing was wonderful and I remember every detail with the most amazing clarity (5 years on). You have time... tell yourself that you are going to have the most positive experience you can possibly have... and I'm sure you will.
[Incidentally, I later had a VBAC, which was also great, but I wouldn't say it was 'better' - it suited me to try for it, because I had a 22-month-old at home and no family nearby and I wanted to be in and out of hospital in the shortest possible time.]
Good luck

[Ellbell]

I had placenta praevia, like Aloha (hi Aloha!). I was in hospital from 27 weeks as I was bleeding quite a lot (on and off ... every time they talked about letting me go home I bled a bit more just to make really sure I wasn't going anywhere ). At first I did feel cheated of the birth experience I'd planned, but I had a long time to get used to the idea and to accept that I had no alternative. Once I'd got my head around that, I had the best experience ever. The whole thing was wonderful and I remember every detail with the most amazing clarity (5 years on). You have time... tell yourself that you are going to have the most positive experience you can possibly have... and I'm sure you will.
[Incidentally, I later had a VBAC, which was also great, but I wouldn't say it was 'better' - it suited me to try for it, because I had a 22-month-old at home and no family nearby and I wanted to be in and out of hospital in the shortest possible time.]
Good luck

[Ellbell]

I had placenta praevia, like Aloha (hi Aloha!). I was in hospital from 27 weeks as I was bleeding quite a lot (on and off ... every time they talked about letting me go home I bled a bit more just to make really sure I wasn't going anywhere ). At first I did feel cheated of the birth experience I'd planned, but I had a long time to get used to the idea and to accept that I had no alternative. Once I'd got my head around that, I had the best experience ever. The whole thing was wonderful and I remember every detail with the most amazing clarity (5 years on). You have time... tell yourself that you are going to have the most positive experience you can possibly have... and I'm sure you will.
[Incidentally, I later had a VBAC, which was also great, but I wouldn't say it was 'better' - it suited me to try for it, because I had a 22-month-old at home and no family nearby and I wanted to be in and out of hospital in the shortest possible time.]
Good luck

[aloha]

I also feel that the only thing I was 'cheated out of' was death! Without my section my ds wouldn't have survived his birth, and I might well have died too. Second time around, I am absolutely certain dd was in totally the wrong position to be born anyway. They say women are designed to give birth....not all women, I say!

[aloha]

Also, I've never known anyone find it all easy. I find pregnancy a bit of a breeze - no sickness, no fatigue, just get fat. Breastfeeding - easy!

[Hazellnut]

I had a ceasarian (emergency) due to IUGR so i failed to grow a baby properly, give birth to it naturally and then dd just couldn't get the hang of breastfeeding so I failed to feed her too..... However, I have never felt like a failure - I have a beautiful, healthy baby and thats the important thing !!

[ionesmum]

I have had two sections, one emergency and one planned. The planned one was beautiful. I drew up a birth plan which the mws stuck to even though I met them literally as we went into theatre. I asked that dh be allowed to discover dd2's sex, that she be wrapped up still covered in vernix, and that she was wrapped in a blanket that I'd slept with for a week so it smelt of me. I also asked for skin-to-skin contact in recovery - we have a photo of her bf when barely half an hour old.

A healthy mum and baby is what matters, take no notice of those who might suggest otherwise.

[kelshan]

hi, i have had two c/sections both were emergencies, i am 3 months pregnant with my third and would like to try for a vbac but am worried that my womb may rupture during labour, also my midwife has said that the hospital may not allow me to have a vbac??? Anyone else had similar experiences...

[Chuffed]

dabihp I had emergency c sec as my pelvis isn't big enough either. Took them 24hrs of hell and almost 10cm dilated to discover this unfortunately. It makes me really mad when people say do I feel like a failure - please don't feel like this. You grow a healthy beautiful baby inside you and have the opportunity to live where in ancient times we would have died.
It didn't actually occur to me that having a baby by c-sec is failing until I read an article where a pro natural birth mother actually said that mothers who had c-secs were failures.
As for being cheated of the birthing experience - this is your birthing experience, everybody's experience is different, ask 10 women who have a natural birth and you'd have 10 different answers.
You aren't being cheated or a failure!!!!

[cellogirl]

I had an emergency c section, and if I was to have another baby, I would elect for one, as my pelvis is buggered. We had such an horrific time while I was in labour where baby's heart rate disappeared I don't think I could go through it again. Sure, I was a bit peeved that I couldnt do it naturally, but what matters is that me and the baby are here and we are healthy, and I am very aware that things could be so different. Pleas don't feel like a failure, because you aren't. Giving birth is such a miniscule thing in the grand scheme of being a mum. What matters is what happens afterwards. You will be a fab mummy. Please don't let something which you will forget all about within a week hold you bak and mar the whole experience xxx

[tiny01]

hi dabihb, I dont think you should feel cheated. My ds was emengency cs and my dd (4wks old) was elective, I was told for my first that my pelvis was too small and baby was op position. This time I booked an elective but if I went into labour before booking date I would try trial of labour. This didnt happen so I went in on the day and it was a totally different experience from the first.It was so calm and I felt my baby was in safe hands and I didnt have the panic of dd going into distress like my ds did. So cheated is the last thing I feel. I recovered really well and didnt have the stress of labour to deal with. I have had clients who have told me of horrible stories with natural bith that I have avoided. Some need surgery following a birth that have destroyed their neither regions, at least my gear box is still in tact thank god. A healthy baby is all that matters. A lot of these people who brand C-section mothers failures have an epidural in labour, so they didnt really have true natural labour anyway........

[ionesmum]

The consultant I saw with dd2 actually asked me if I wanted to have a 'birth experience' i.e. opt for a vbac instead of a second section. apart from the fact that during my first 'birth experience' dd1 nearly died and that as a middle aged man he had no idea what a 'birth experience' actually felt like, how did he think dd1 got here? The stork????? I did give birth, but it was a cesarian birth not a vaginal one. Now I've had two, and will probably have another one day, if I'm lucky.

[MUSA]

Can somebody tell me, how they can tell if your pelvis is to small to give birth, what do they go by?.

[kid]

I was lead to believe they can tell by the size of your feet? But then again, I am gulible, I'll believe most things!

I've had 2 scetions, one emergency and one elective.
I don't feel cheated out of anything, other people often try and say hurtful things but I just ignore them. Especially when I am told I took the easy way out. For those that have had sections will know that it hurts!

[Mud]

Musa I'd hazard a guess that they go by the size of your pelvis

[NotQuiteCockney]

MUSA, generally they can't tell. They used to do x-rays to check, but of course they can't do that when you're pregnant, and anyway, the pelvis "gives" a bit in later pregnancy.