birth partner + other adult to be present at HB?

[soundbites]

Hello

Had the midwife round today for my 36 week 'booking in for homebirth' appointment. She gave me some pretty good notes all about the HB and I signed the form etc. but she also mentioned that I needed a further adult to look after my daughter (2). When I said that there were about 3 people who didn't mind coming over in the middle of the night in case of transfer and a further 4 who would have her during the day when I wouldn't want her around for the labour she seemed satisfied, but I have been reading the notes again and it says that this additional adult should be actually present in the house during the labour (plus the birth partner / DH) to:

1. look after other children (if applicable)
   
2. answer phones and make phone calls
   
3. go to the hospital to collect things
   
4. help the midwife with all her kit.
   
   I hadn't banked on having anyone else around to see me in the state of labour! And I don't know who I would ask to do such a thing (wasn't going to get a doula etc.).
   
   Do you think the reality is more relaxed (like she was) than the notes? Or did she misunderstand me? Can anyone tell me who attended their births?
   
   Thanks in advance
   
   Soundbites

[didoreth]

I had two midwives at my homebirth (plus a student) - I thought that was standard - that would take care of points 2,3 and 4. If I were you, I would want someone there to take care of your dd though - otherwise your dh may have to, and IMO he should be free to concentrate on helping you.

[KingCanuteIAm]

TBH, it does make some kind of sense, if you did have to transfer (and I accept the chances are small) the MW would wnat to go straight away not wait for someone to be got out of bed, get dressed, drive over (with the potential that the first/second person you call can't do it for some reason etc). If you are confident that the people you ave ready to arrive are not going let you down or take to long then you could explain to the MW that your dh is going to stay with your dc until help arrives and then follow you to hospital?

With mine I only had H there (even the MW arrived too late!) there was never a mention of an extra person. Mind you it backfired for me as I spent almost all of my labour trying to think of who could look after my dc when we were let down last minute (Mum had to go out for a meal ) - which took my mind off the pain I suppose but certainly did not help me feel relaxed an calm!

[KingCanuteIAm]

Which bit StarlightMcKenzie? If you mean my Mum, yes, the table was booked... don't ask, I have given up trying to work her out

[puffylovett]

when i booked a HB FOR ds i WAS TOLD THAT WE WOULD NEED AN EXTRA ADULT FOR PRACTICAL THINGS IE HELPING GET IN AND OUT BIRTH POOL ETC. APPARENTLY THE MIDWIVES AREN'T ALLOWED TO DO THIS, HEALTH & SAFETY REGS I THINK !! ooo sorry, caps lock....

we are in staffs, where r u soundbites ?

[soundbites]

Thanks for such swift replies already. We are in West Sussex, puffylovett.

[Klaw]

Don't think having an extra person is compulsory. It's up to you what YOU want.

It does kinda make sense that having someone else on the property, not necessarily in the same room as you, will be useful if need be. However, most HB go off fairly smoothly.

I'm on call for one just now [excited emoticon]

KCIS your mother was frogmarched out to the restaurant on pain of death? Was it a very expensive restaurant that you have to book 6 months in advance to get a reservation? or was it a new hot date? what on earth can possibly be more important than your own daughter birthing your grandchild?

[KingCanuteIAm]

No SM, no more to it, like I say I have given up trying to work it out. I now refer to these things as "Mumisms"
Klaw, nope, none of the above. It was my last child so there were already plenty of grandchildren, perhaps it was just old news for her by then

Soundbites, How is your house laid out? Is there a way you could call someone when yuo go into labour who could just come and sleep/watch TV in the spare room or somewhere? I must admit though I would rather not have someone else in my house while I labour!

[soundbites]

KingCanute ? also amazed at your mum! Mine would love to be at the birth, or helping with DD, but she lives 4 hours away!

The house is on three levels and I was thinking of having the baby on the middle floor where we have a guest room with en suite that doubles up as a playroom with a futon. That would leave the living room on the ground floor free. One of the night volunteers lives two doors away so was really hoping that if we tell her labour has started and to be on alert that we could have her round in a matter of minutes were a transfer required (or, I suppose, if DD wakes up and won't go back to bed). The care of DD is what is worrying me more than the birth tbh!

Must dash now, but thanks again for replies ?

[KingCanuteIAm]

I think that sounds like a very reasonable arrangment. I would be tempted to go back to the MW and tell her what you have planned and that you would like to leave it at that. This way the MW can explain further if she has good reaons for her request and, if she has not, she will know that you have put plenty of thought into it and she is not going to end up with sa 2yo wandering around when she is trying to deliver you!