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Is it normal to struggle to come to terms with a caesarean section?

(100 Posts)
MamaG Sun 25-Jan-09 12:53:11

Or am I a complete wuss? blush

I'm more or less ok with it, remind myself that if I hadn't had it, DS2 might not have made it etc but I still feel sad about it.

Lulumama Sun 25-Jan-09 12:54:07

yes totally normal especially with a GA.

belgo Sun 25-Jan-09 12:56:28

Mamag you had a really hard time of it, a long labour, c-section, blood loss, and it's normal for you to feel sad and upset about it. Do you have friends who have had CSs? Can you talk to them about it?

How is babyg?

sarah293 Sun 25-Jan-09 12:57:55

Message withdrawn

theresonlyme Sun 25-Jan-09 12:58:40

Oh lovie. sad

Of course you are going to feel sad. When I had my first by emergency section I remember feeling sad that I would never experience a vaginal birth and didn't feel like a proper mum. (I wasn't planning on having any more.)He wouldn't be here without the op and I have since had 2VBACs but still feel a bit sad as it has caused lasting problems.

It is still early days, MamaG.

2cats2many Sun 25-Jan-09 13:00:17

Totally normal IMO.

I felt like I'd 'failed' after both my ECSs and continue to feel a lingering sadness about it.

MamaG Sun 25-Jan-09 13:01:35

Aw thanks

Belgo, the one friend I have who had a CS (under spookily similar circumstances to me, inc GA) breezed through it and never gave it anohter thought (it was her first child)

MamaG Sun 25-Jan-09 13:05:07

BabyG is fine thank you (just re read!)

HE's a very placid baby, feeds well etc (19lbs now eek! at 11 weeks)

shootfromthehip Sun 25-Jan-09 13:05:18

My CS felt like a failure- If I'd tried harder/ done something different/ not put so much weight on, etc etc etc. I have now had a VBAC and that birth felt totally different: I healed really quickly and was able to breast-feed much easier so it improve the overall quality of the experience. This said it also reassured me that if I hadn't had the section then my baby or I would have died. So it was sad but it was necessary so I have reconsiled it now but it took a while so go easy on yourself xxx

BlueCowBackToWondering Sun 25-Jan-09 13:06:30

you're normal! but it's also hard to come to terms with a lot of different types of birth. Lots of expectations, and the hormones kick in and we're all left wondering what happened/ what might have happened/ what I could have done differently/ etc

But tis so normal.... smile

shootfromthehip Sun 25-Jan-09 13:07:18

reconciled- meh!!

MamaG Sun 25-Jan-09 13:11:26

I think part of it might be that I had two VBs before this one, and was induced both times.

With BabyG I went into labour on my own, for the very first time and was managing really well with the contractions, laughing and joking with DH between them fgs! I felt really happy and positive about it and then wham!

FairLadyRantALot Sun 25-Jan-09 13:26:19

Awww, MamaG, it really is's kind of grieving for the Birth you didn't have.
I had an E-CS with ys and it took me a long time to get to terms with it, and it did effect me in the way I felt about the poor sod. I felt so much anger at the time and he was a bit of a difficult Baby to be with (constantly crying and stuff)....and then I felt of course even worse for feelign the way I felt and stuff...a vicious cycle!
I went from planned Homebirth, labouring fine at home , dilating to 10 cm to being transfered into hospital and after a failed ventouse trial ended up with the C-section...the staff was terrible in hospital and the Dr. was in my opinion a womanhater.

Give yourself time to "get over it"...I think it is very important to work through the feelings and allow yourself to have them, etc...! Not sure I am making sense.

Some people are not effected at all by it, and I think that is equally normal...!

Lulumama Sun 25-Jan-09 13:29:03

i think because you have had 2 VBS and this was your last baby, and you wanted to go into labour spontaneously, which you did. it feels almost crueller, that this birth went a totally unexpected way

when you have had two VBs, it is normal and natural to presume you will have a 3rd VB, especially with a spontanoues labour.

IIRC< there is no way baby G could have been born safely without the c.s, you have to keep telling yourself it was the best and only thing, which will be some comfort, but it is totally normal to feel like this and a really good thing to do is to talk about it and to maybe go through your notes, so that you are clear on why it all happened.

it will feel better in time.

FairLadyRantALot Sun 25-Jan-09 13:31:39

I think after having to Vaginal Births you kinda don't expect your birth ending up in C-section...I know I didn't see it coming!

Oh and talking about it is good...I know it helped me.

MamaG Sun 25-Jan-09 14:42:45

Thanks a lot all. Lulu you're right, there is no way BabyG would have been born safely without it. Think thats why I feel so silly being upset I had it! OBviously I'd do it again in a heartbeat to have him!

3in3 Sun 25-Jan-09 22:59:29

Hi MamaG, i'm over the moon to see your message and to see that i'm not alone. i had an ECS in october..WHAT A SHOCK!! I had 2 beautiful, easy normal childbirths previous and was convinced it'd be the same for number 3. I'm amazed how painful its been from spinal block, through the operation right upto today were my stomach still hurts and feels swollen. I understand why it was done (my boy was in distress and very tiny so would not have coped going through labour) but i hate that i've felt like an invalid for over 3 months and that noone seems to understand that i'm gutted about the whole thing. I look forward to the day when the only reminder i have of the CS is my gorgeous little boy and a faint scar. I hope you feel at peace with your experience soon. 3in3 xx

nooka Sun 25-Jan-09 23:23:18

I think it is really difficult, and that often people don't really understand and just come out with the but you are both OK so there is nothing to be upset about line. Which in some senses is true, but you are upset, because you didn't have the experience you wanted, in fact often you had a bloody scary and painful experience. I think the grieving process is quite a sensible one to use to check that you are reacting OK (you know the anger to acceptance route). Also in time the memory fades and you are so busy concentrating on the now with children that the past becomes less relevant.

I was very sad with ds that the home birth I had been planning turned into an immediate c-section, and although I accepted that it was the only way (he was wedged in a transverse oblique lie) it wasn't what we had planned at all. So much so that with dd (16 months later) I opted for being induced rather than having another c-section, which was a terrible decision, and she came out by emergency section in any case. It was a scary and wholly negative experience that took a year or two for dh and I to recover from. If I had been thinking straight there is no way I would have been so desperate for a VBAC.

Anyway, now they are eight and nine it is no longer something I think about much But a totally legitimate feeling none the less.

PinkFurryStripeyTiger Sun 25-Jan-09 23:41:35

For me it has been hard. I have not had a VB at all, and I have a nagging sense of failure that will fade, I guess, but I still feel sad for myself, and my babies.
I found DS crash section traumatic, and I hated not being able to pick up my other children after DD1 and DD2's births. DD2 was unplanned, also (though thankfully not a 'crash') and I cried and cried and felt a complete failure. But there you go.

THat is maybe only part of the stories of my children's births- there was the skin to skin, the bfeeding, the suprise at how each has arrived so beautiful and unique, the smell of newborn babies etc. etc.I am trying to focus my memories on these points and I hope they will help me feel better, and have over-all happy memories to tell my children about.

PinkFurryStripeyTiger Sun 25-Jan-09 23:42:44

DD2 was an unplanned CS, not an unplanned baby- to clarify!smile

minouminou Mon 26-Jan-09 00:31:26

do you think it's the sudden change from doing something you've done twice before to suddenly having major surgery that's made you feel a bit dodgy as well?
I've not had a CS, but it was mooted at one point and i was horrified by the thought of sudden surgery - i mean, to all intents and purposes, it's like you've been in a serious accident - all out of nowhere
previously i'd thought that if a CS was suggested i'd be grateful, but when it's staring you in the's a daunting prospect
hope you feel better soon

wzmo Mon 26-Jan-09 01:54:56

never felt as though i had not 'givin birth ' with my first. but yes i think it is totally normal to feel nervous about a 2 time. after all it is a major operation. but.... as a friend said to me make a choose and " commit" and it helped silly but true i just have to trust myself and commit to it plan it and go from there. good luck!

kickassangel Mon 26-Jan-09 02:07:47

i think lots of people feel like this - i desperately wanted to have another baby so i could have a vb, and do it properly. dd is an only, so i had nothing to compare it to, but the whole experince of having her was one long medical trauma after another - , countless hops appts, ivf, problem pregnancy, em cs, couldn't feed etc. i used to 'joke' that she had 'made in china' on her backside, she was such a 'manufactured' baby. it was a thread like this that got me over it eventually, after nearly 2 years, and why i started posting, not just lurking, on mn.
having said that, i did suddenly realise that by having a cs, i hadn't failed her, but saved her life, and possibly mine. saving your child's life should be seen as a big positive, not a failure. i still sometimes think i missed an amazing life experience,but having dd is pretty amazing anyway.

sandcastles Mon 26-Jan-09 02:08:16

Took me about a year to fully accept it with dd1.

I couldn't look at my scar, hated that my tummy tingled & itched around the scar.

I felt like I hadn't given birth, felt robbed of not experiencing full labour/birth. I had a GA too, so also felt that I was missing out on her first cry etc.

But one day it all just felt OK. I came to terms with it without even thinking about it.

Hope you feel better soon!

TwilightSurfer Mon 26-Jan-09 03:00:20

MamaG YES (for me at least) it has been a huge struggle to come to terms with my eCS (23 weeks ago). And NO you are far from a complete wuss. I am thrilled dd2 is happy and healthy and in my arms BUT mad has hell that they gutted me to get her out. Had the healing process been quick I probably would have gotten over it by now but EVERY BLASTED TIME I HURT THERE it brings me right back to that mad state of mind. I believe there's a time and place for the procedure so I'm not advocating that it's wrong. I just feel like the medical staff gave up on my abilities. FAILURE TO PROGRESS! Well whatever, the only failure was me going in to early. Had I waited........ well I guess I'll never know the answer to that. Lulumama's right though "it will feel better in time."

Best wishes to you. smile

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