Help! Sex still agonising 7 months after birth :-(

[MmeMoufle]

I would be very grateful for any advice or to hear from anyone in the same situation.

I gave birth to my second child in June last year via VBAC. Labour was long but straightforward, second stage lasted 40 mins and I got 2nd degree tears (i.e.not great but nothing really major)

Sex has been impossible since our first attempt about 3 months after birth. Basically, to get straight to point, penetration is impossible! Everything is seized up rigid and if DH pushes really gently I scream in pain...

I have been to the GP four times. She says my stitches have healed up fine and is convinced I have some sort of infections (even though all swabs, taken "blind" as it was too painful to insert speculum, have come back negative) I have been on 3 courses of antibiotics, none of which have helped.

Her other theory is that when I stop breastfeeding, everything will return to normal. It's true that sex was a bit uncomfortable when I was breastfeeding my first child (as I seemed, ahem, a bit dry) but nothing like this! At least we could have sex!

A friend has suggested that this all inmy head and I may need psycho-sexual counselling...another aquaintance, a GP herself, muttered darkly about "nerve damage" from the birth and that I should be referred to a gynecologist

This is REALLY getting me down now. I feel like a totally useless wife, DH is a total star and has been infinitely patient but this is ridiculous...Am also starting to worry there is something seriously wrong with me and things will never be the same again

Any advice or "Me too, my fanjo's broken!" stories gratefully received...

[scorpio1]

oh, poor you.

Silly really, but have you tried lube? It's not to do with your arousal? I have found BF makes things abit drier too

It doesn't sound right though, maybe you do need a gynae referral.

Sorry not much advice.

[MmeMoufle]

It's nothing to do with my arousal levels - they seem to be fine! Everything goes, ahem, swimmingly, until we reach the critical moment...

[pooka]

Push for a gynae referral. Is it a feeling of intense tightness? Is there any chance that you were stitched up too tight?

Asking, because I was. My lovely GP immediately noticed at my 8 week post natal check after my first child was born. At that stage hadn't tried, but when I did penetration was downright painful. GP said initially to use lube and have a few drinks to relax, but that didn't work. So got a referral to see a consultant and had a cut/restitch when dd was 7 months old. MUch better afterwards and didn't have the same problem (though tore) after ds was born.

[MmeMoufle]

Ooh right, hadn't thought of that one!

My bits weren't examined until 16 weeks after birth when I insisted GP have a look at stitches! My 8 week check consisted of doctor saying "Hi, congratulations, you look tired,ha ha! bye" No examination, no blood pressure reading, no tests or even questions about my general wellbeing / genitalia of any kind!!! Was stunned...

[pooka]

Ah -well my GP (sadly retired now) had known me since I was born and was super hot. She examined my stitches and was pretty thorough on the post-natal checks both times.

[godivas]

This is a link to many "Me too, my fanjo's broken" stories...

[CoteDAzur]

If you are breastfeeding, use lots of lubrication and see if that makes a difference.

The more you have sex, the easier it will get (easier said then done, I know).

And most importantly, get your hands on some Contractubex. It is a scar cream specific for gynecological scars. I cannot begin to tell you how much it helped with my episiotomy scar in the space of a few weeks.

[mymatekate]

Could have written that post myself as in exact same situation! Have no advice except we use about half a bottle of lube and then I always need to get him to stop half way through as it's painful. Just posting to get in on the advice!!!

[Pendulum]

hello mmemoufle, you have some good suggestions here but I will just add another thought. I was unable to have sex for almost a year after my DD1's birth because of intense pain at the opening. I had a CS, so there were no immediately obvious reasons such as tearing, stitches etc. I also had lots of antibiotics to no effect.

In the end I was diagnosed with vaginal vestibulitis (also known as vulvodynia I think). I tried a few treatments but ultimately i think it went away over time, although it came back again briefly when I was PG with DD2. I'm now fine

I haven't had time to link but if you google the terms you will find lots of info and may be able to compare symptoms. Good luck- I know how debilitating this is.

[Cadelaide]

I was stitched too tight after DC1. I didn't suffer to the same extent as you, but sex was always uncomfortable until after the birth of DC2 when I tore and was left to heal naturally.

[egyptianprincess]

hi there
i went through exactly the same thing, second degree tear etc. the only thing that really helped was the passage of time and "soldiering through" attempts at sex whenever possible. For me, the more I tried the easier it became. After about 8 months things were as good as new so my advice is relax and be patient. I know it's hard, but do keep trying,doesn't matter if you can't bear it for very long. Every little try helps. Also, TONS of lube.

[MmeMoufle]

Thanks for all this advice, esp the vestibulodynia suggestion, I've been to a website and it sounds exactly like what I have.

DD is now 10.5 months old and whilst progress has been made in that DH can actually insert penis very slowly into me, proper sex is still impossible as it is too painful around my perinium when he tries to move it around!

I saw a consultant in March who was lovely but she was adamant there was nothing physically wrong with me (never mentioned the above condition)and is convinced it is a psychosexual problem brought about my "birth trauma". This makes me feel dreadful as whilst I found the birth very painful and exhausting, it was straightforward and I certainly didn't have to go through the horrors that so many other ladies do. But she says I am probably traumatised sub consciously and worried about getting pregnant again etc.

She sent me home with a kit of dilators to play with they freak me out a bit, but I can insert them without much pain, just not move them around.

I have another appt in July, I will mention the vestibulodynia, I am convinved there is a PHYSICAL problem here causing me pain.

DH still very understanding but I am so fed up and feel under so much pressure to get better now. DD will be 1 in 6 weeks time and we still haven't been able to make love

[Chulita]

Thank you so much for asking this...I've got exactly the same problem 'cept I had em. cs and can't help thinking maybe she was wedged in too long and bruised something but the pain is right around the opening and she never quite made it through there!! Poor DH is fantastic about it but your comment about feeling like a totally useless wife is exactly how I feel. Just nice to know that I'm not alone, somehow it helps...

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

A friend of mine had similar problems after an episiotomy. Anyway 13 months later she still couldn't have sex, penetration was impossible.

She had a gynae referral and the consultant said the epis hadn't been sutured properly, sounds like she was sewn up too tight. She had to have it "refashioned" but its fine now following the refashioning.

[Worldsworstmummy]

After horrible induction birth and tears everywhichway, I finally got referred to hospital gynae. Turned out the small ridge of skin between vaginal opening and perenium (sp) was very weakened hence so much pain there during sex. I had a day patient op and it was whisked off and all was fine

[Worldsworstmummy]

Oops! Old thread!

[Benjy]

I have the same problem. My consultant has said it is largely due to nerve damage. He prescribed a nerve painkiller called Gabapentin. This didn't take the pain away completely but made sex bearable so much so I am pregnant again. I will need surgery after the birth to correct the problem but Gabapentin was a good intermediate treatment and made me feel certain that my consultant's diagnosis was correct since it made an improvement. Maybe worth trying this drug to see if it makes any difference to you. Hope you get the help you need.