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(29 Posts)
hatsoff Wed 23-Mar-05 20:39:25

Did anyone see the article in todays Guardian about confinement etc? It was really good and makes points that I have always felt strongly about - how we have lost the element of rest and respect and of being waited on hand and bloody foot after childbirth. My fil nearly fell out with my sil over this. He visited about a day after her second child was born, sat on the sofa for half an hour and then said "any chance of a cup of tea". But what makes it worse is that he doesn't understand why my sil was so upset. He thought he was being entirely reasonable and that she over-reacted. I think we should stop "bouncing back" and demand the right to retire to bed for a month. at least.

mummytosteven Wed 23-Mar-05 20:48:49

yes me, and couldn't agree more. i think it is in Kate Figes book where she talks about Japanese mums going to their mums house for a month after birth, being waited on hand and foot, with just the baby care being done, and correlates this to their low PND rate.

I was traipsing round the ward for a couple of days after the birth, dragging round a catheter on a stand, doing everything myself - which seems a bit excessive now I think about it.

mummytosteven Wed 23-Mar-05 20:49:41

it must be so much harder tho with your second child to get any decent rest.

Marina Wed 23-Mar-05 20:52:14

Deborah Jackson's recent book Baby Wisdom has loads on this - it is widespread in other cultures. Excessive? and barbaric too MTS . I went through similar, especially post second-elective, when at one point I had a wound drain, a catheter, a blood line and was still made to feel like Marie bloody Antoinette for asking someone to help me get dd out of her gerbil tank.
I think there is a very great deal to be said for confinement.

lockets Wed 23-Mar-05 20:53:19

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mummytosteven Wed 23-Mar-05 20:55:09

thanks Marina - I actually wondered if people were going to call me a wuss for complaining about just having a catheter (rather than drip/drain etc)

dinny Wed 23-Mar-05 20:55:54

no way, Lockets! hope you have a much better experience this time

hoxtonchick Wed 23-Mar-05 20:56:06

oh i read this too & thought it was really good. made me weep too, but i am pregnant.... am definitely going to insist on immediate family only for a good few days after current baby's born in july. and spend most of dp's paternity leave in bed. but as i said to dp earlier, our collected close family can make a fair racket!

lockets Wed 23-Mar-05 20:57:41

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dinny Wed 23-Mar-05 21:01:11

St George's are so nice. Had bath, lovely sugary tea and toast after both times. Then into bed with dd/ds for blissful cuddles and snoozing. Feel broody thinking about it!

Hoxtonchick - hola! goodness, not so long to do really. is ds excited about becoming a big brother?

pupuce Wed 23-Mar-05 21:02:30

There was a good article in Junior Pregnancy and Birth on that very topic- Sept 04 issue : Why lying in is coming back

lockets Wed 23-Mar-05 21:04:32

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hoxtonchick Wed 23-Mar-05 21:04:44

hi dinny. yes, not too long now, i've only just got used to being pregnant.... ds very excited about impending big brother-hood. is telling everyone his sister's in my tummy. he keeps insisting that when's a big brother he'll need a bigger bed. nutter!

hope your lovely family's ok. xx

PrettyCandles Wed 23-Mar-05 21:06:12

Oh yes, I should have loved to have been confined! No, I really mean it! I was back home about 36h after ds was born, but after dd was born I insisted on staying in hospital for another 3 nights - transfered to a 'private' room after the first night - and it was the best decision. Having a few days peace and rest made such a huge difference.

My mum was in hospital for 10 days with each of us, after perfectly normal births.

Definietely bring back confinement - and the home-help for several weeks afterwards too.

dinny Wed 23-Mar-05 21:11:23

don't think I'd like confinement. my lovely doula kept trying to get me to rest after ds born but I hate staying indoors and felt like I was festering. really need fresh air once a day
Hoxtonchick - aw, that is sweet. ds must be over 3 now....?

suedonim Wed 23-Mar-05 21:13:48

I agree - bring back bedrest! When I had dd2 I was horrified to note that once the delivery was over I would be expected to get up and shower and then dress in day clothes. I thought 'Not on your Nelly, I ain't getting out of my bed for anyone.' As it was, I was quite ill, so was in bed anyway but the thought of having anything but the lightest clothing on was anathema to me. And when I got home, I climbed back into my nightclothes pdq!

hoxtonchick Wed 23-Mar-05 21:14:11

he was 3 at the end of jan (i think - everything's a bit of a blur today....).

hatsoff Wed 23-Mar-05 23:22:12

my other sil lives in a small village near Sheffield - there they have what used to be called a cottage hospital - you can have your baby at the big hospital in Sheffield then book yourself into the maternity unit of this teeny hospital to be looked after by midwives for a few days. Personally I couldn't wait to get out of hospital and I'm not the kind of person that takes to being looked after - but I think that new mums need to feel congratulated (not just for the baby, but for what they have done and been through if that makes sense), they need to feel acknowledged, and they sometimes need to feel looked after. And sometimes it's the ones who say they don't want it that need it. I can remember going to a friend's daughter's birthday party on a Sunday afternoon when dd2 was about three weeks old, and my slightly bossy friend looked at me and sent me to bed - in the middle of the afternoon, at her house. I fought it but she insisted. And it was lovely to just feel that resignation of responsibility. and to get a couple of hours kip.

QueenEagle Wed 23-Mar-05 23:35:27

When my dd was born 13 yrs ago I was cheekey enough to ask for a side room on my own, and lucky enough to get one! I spent 4 days in there just mooching about in my jimjams. I was well enough to go home but loved having my meals brought to me 3 times a day, and the odd visitor bringing me grapes and drinks etc.

Now zip forward to 3 mths ago, 5th baby popped out, home from hospital the next day. Cooking dinner, putting in washing, all manner of things needing to be done. What a mad woman I am.

What a fantastic idea and wholly impractical for anyone having subsequent babies. Nice idea but can't see it catching on.

pooka Thu 24-Mar-05 13:44:43

When d was born I was home within 20 hours. And had to get my own breakfast and all drinks, wheeling dd along in her plastic tub. Only saw a midwife a couple of times. Pure panic and never felt so overwhelmed

Hulababy Thu 24-Mar-05 14:05:32

hatoff - that sounds like the same place DH's colleague used (or planned to use).

I had an emergency cs with DD, and it did suprise me at how little support and help I got on the ward afterwards. DD was left asleep in my arms when we got back on the wards, and ten everyone left me to it. No bags unpacked, no one to help move DD. I could hardly move at that stage, let alone look after her properly. I couldn't even lift her into the cot. Then 2 days later I was home and was supposed to look after the baby and get on with it. I was very much under the impression that I should just get on with stff and try to not use any pain killers asap.

At the same time I was in hospital, FIL went into hospital for a hip replacement - sone under a spinal. He had complete bed rest in hospital afterwards, was helped to take it easy when he got up and helped to walk around. he was advised to take medication unti l the pain had gone, and was told to take things easy for a few weeks - as he had just undergone surgery.

The differences in the way the two operations were treated did suprise me somewhat.

Hulababy Thu 24-Mar-05 14:07:33

Don't thnk I would like bed rest and confinement though. But for someone else to take over the normal every day stuff for you, so you can focus on your baby would be lovely.

LooneyLaura Thu 24-Mar-05 17:26:49

I agree with both sides of the scale. After I had DD I was bathed and dressed within an hour, even had my shoes on and packed so I could move to the ward. I wanted it that way though. I hate lounging round in my nightie.

Do think that MW's and family should get to grips with the fact that you're knackered and just want to stare at you're new baby. I little help with unpacking things and getting comfortable afterwards would be nice.

Also agree with the fact that you do need to be independant and ask for help when it's needed instead of being treated with kid gloves. Afterall, women have been giving birth for centuries!

I think I would be upset too if family expected me to run round after them when they visit the baby. Luckily, after DD was born my Mum stayed and cooked every night. Then when DH's family came they brought and cooked Sunday Lunch for 7 of us. I'm not the sort of person to let people do things for me, but succumbed for a while!

uwila Thu 24-Mar-05 18:28:59

I think I'll stay in the hospital for days just because as soon as I go home, I will be expected to pick up where I left off. I think a month away would be lovely, but I would definitely miss DD way too much to follow through.

Pruni Thu 24-Mar-05 18:31:50

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