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gem1981 Sat 20-Sep-08 18:00:37

Hello All,

Hoping you lovely ladies will help me out...
For a while now I have been bursting into tears every time I think about labour.

I am starting my 36th week and this will be my second child.

DS is 2 and was born with forceps after a failed ventouse (had an epidural) and was 9lbs 3 ozs (I am 6ft though!!).

I lost blood and it was considered to be a PPH.

I had a doula and my DH was with me.

I cannot think of any particularly moment that was 'bad' or scary and was treated trally well by the midwives. At the time I thought i had a good experience despite the probs that I had - I considered these to me minor at the time as I had a healthy strapping DS !!!

Despite this I can not put my finger on why I am SO PERTRIFIED - really I can think of no other word to describe it.

I am having bad dreams about childbirth and last night I woke up crying..

I have had a really good pregnancy and I have no reason to suspect a bad birth,

Can someone please help to calm me down - I feel as though this fear is becoming slightly irrational.

Thanks

gem1981 Sat 20-Sep-08 18:01:12

sorry forgot to add a title!!!!

OhNooo Sat 20-Sep-08 18:07:50

Hi gem, don't know if this is going to help you but thought I would write it in any way. I'm 30 weeks pg so feel the same as you in the sense that this is also my 2nd pg. I think it is a case of the first time round we did not know what to expect were this time round we have a good idea.
Let's hope it is a case of our fears being the extreme version of what is going to happen and that when we do go into labour that we will sit there thinking that this is not as bad as I thought it is going to be.

Just remember one thing, our bodies know what to do and they have done it before, I had about the same labour first time around as you.

Hope this helped even if just a bit.

lulumama Sat 20-Sep-08 18:13:52

i think you had a really hard time of it, and you need to allow yourself to feel upset./angry/sad etc.. about it

failed ventouse, followed by forceps and then a PPH is hardly the dream birth! yes, it could have been worse, but that does not mean you are not allowed or entitled to feel it was a bad thing.

talk it through with the doula again? and bear in mind that second births are usually a whole lot better than first ones.

the fact you are dreaming about it is important, your subconcious is trying to get you to deal with any issues before you labour again.

it is normal to feel like this and to have strong fears before birth. but you must deal with them.

gem1981 Sat 20-Sep-08 18:30:59

it is really strange to think that I am still harbouring some really strong emotions.

I don't think I ever really sat down and thought about my labour after the event because i got caught up in all the newborn bit!!

But just reading through the replies so far has set me off in tears - DH is a bit hmm!!

I obviously have to deal with this before second labour comes round.

just hoping and praying that this time I'll sneeze and he'll 'pop' out (yeah right!!)

twocutedarlings Sat 20-Sep-08 18:46:37

Hi Gem,

My labour with DD1 was very similar to your first labour.

26 hour of active labour shock

3 angry failed ventose attempts

DD1 finally delivery with forceps.

DD2 toally differant, 2.5 hour labour, delievered by paramedics at home in an umplanned home birth.

I am currently pregnant with DC3, and this time i am hoping for a planned homebirth, hopefully with a MW present. grin

JacobsPrincess Sat 20-Sep-08 18:51:04

I had a 39 hour labour with DS1, pethidine, 2 epidurals, eventully he was dragged out with forceps.
I was absolutely bricking it about labour again. But DS2 was born 10 weeks ago and it was an uncomfortable but very positive experience. 7 hours start to finish, with tens machine & G&A. And he was 9lb 9oz.

Second time really can be easier - I think your body knows what it is doing this time!

marjean Sat 20-Sep-08 19:40:26

During my second pregnancy, I too felt very apprehensive of the birth., even though my first had actually been a lovely, planned, straightforward home birth. My feelings didn't seem to make any sense. But the first time round, I approached it with complete pragmatism - perhaps a naivety? - and a 'well, we'll see what happens' kind of attitude. The second time around, although I was hoping it would go OK, I felt that a good experience would be 'pushing my luck' and my mind was cast back to the not so great bits that occur in most births, I suspect.

BTW, my second experience was completely different - still positive - but even though my body might have known what it was doing, I didn't feel I did! My point is - and I'm hoping this is helpful?! - that there's no point in fearing the unknown.

Don't mean to ramble, I just wanted to say that I think it's normal to be apprehensive about the second/subsequent, even after an OK experience first time round. So many emotions, hormones and expectations are involved and feelings that were overshadowed by the overwhelming love you feel for your newborn can surface unexpectedly. However, knowing something's normal doesn't necessarily make it easier to bear, so I really hope that you can deal with your fears and enjoy the birth.

gem1981 Sun 21-Sep-08 09:23:16

Thanks everyone for all your messages.

I talked this through with DH last night and I sat and thought about it for quite a while.

I had quite a lot of strong braxton hicks in the early hours on the morning and for a couple of minutes I started to think maybe things could have been starting off early.

anyway it wasn't but when i was experiencing the 'pains' i found myself willing the next one on - which i find very encouraging as i did not turn into a crying wreck !!!

after much analysing i think i really fear the following

leaving DS when i go off to hospital and that something will happen to me and he will be left without a mummy

i also feel very overwhelmed when i think about how much i love DS and i can't quite comprehend how i will have enough love for number 2 - i have heard this from people a lot though so i know it is quite normal.

i suppose it is like some of you have said, when you go into labour 1st time round you have no clue what to expect.

This time i have more of an idea and i know it will be a very emotional time - i know how much i will grow to love the new baby and i think i am finding it all a little overwhelming and sightly daunting.

sorry for such a long post but i hope finally i have worked out why i kept on getting SO emotional and frightened.

With a little help from you guys of course.

x x x smile

StarlightMcKenzie Sun 21-Sep-08 12:42:10

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