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Terrified of what I'll say in labour

(82 Posts)
thisismyfirst Sat 13-Sep-08 22:55:39

I am 38 weeks, and have had lovely healthy pregnancy (physically) but very upsetting (emotionally).

I am absolutely terrified of childbirth - the pain - the 'transition stage' - all of it, and I'm most worried about what I'll say in labour. I'm worried I'll say things I don't mean. I'm worried I'll blame my DH; I'm worried I'll say I didn't want the baby in the first place; or say things that aren't true.

Does G&A, or just the pain itself, really make you say things you don't mean or that aren't true; or worse that ARE true but you wouldn't want to admit them in a million years? Please help me. I can't sleep for worrying about labour.

avenanap Sat 13-Sep-08 22:59:15

It'll be ok. You are still in charge of all your faculties. I tried to send the medical student over the road to the pub for a brandy but he wouldn't budge. I'm sure everyone will understand if something slips out. It really will be OK. I would take something from home so you can focus on it and concentrate, it might help. Try not to worry. I've seen some births and not one of them said something they shouldn't have. smile

lauraloola Sat 13-Sep-08 23:00:12

I had only gas and air with dd's birth and it was fab! I totally spaced out but knew what I was saying. I think pethidine makes you a bit more out of it - Thats why I avoided it.

At the end of the day it is all forgotten about once your lo is here anyway. I screamed like mad when pushing - Something I never thought I would do and we laughed about it afterwards! I also told dp he was to have a vasectomy with no pain relief - Dd is 3 months old now and I already want another one!

The pain is just part of it but once lo is out the relief is amazing and you do forget. Just think of the end result - It is definitely worth it smile

Clary Sat 13-Sep-08 23:01:08

Oh please don't worry.

I didn't say anything that I remember tho DH says I screamed a lot esp when DD was born.

If you are really worried about the pain you can have an epidural which I am told takes it all away.

And remember that at the end of it all you have your lovely baby smile

tigana Sat 13-Sep-08 23:01:31

In my experience, when I was in pain I was too busy trying to cope with it to actually say anything ( just made noises!). G&A made me talk a bit of nonsense, but it was happy sort of nonsense and not lies or deep dark secrets. Bit like being gently pished!

FanjolinaJolly Sat 13-Sep-08 23:03:05

I was quite giggly on G+a.Dp says I never shut up talking and sounded like I was pissed!It is good stuff though and really helps with pain relief Believe me no one will be monitoring what you say,and your priority will be on concentrating on labouring.It will all be worth it in the end.It is scary,but the end result makes you forget the pain.My first labour was quite painful as dc1 was a back lie,but as soon as I saw him I forgot everything else.

Good luck

Clary Sat 13-Sep-08 23:03:15

Yes now I think about it I remember saying "I am never doing this again" but you know what, I did!

geraldinetheluckygoat Sat 13-Sep-08 23:04:27

dont worry about it, apparently, I screamed "get the f***ing midwife NOW!!!" - I can't remember a thing about it, and it makes me and DP laugh now! Please don't worry, you'll be fine, yes it is painful and overwhelming but I promise when your baby is in your arms, you really wont give a monkeys about what you said five minutes before smile

thisismyfirst Sat 13-Sep-08 23:04:42

This is really helpful, thank you. Yes, it's the deep, dark secrets I'm worried about. I hate the thought of being out of control, like when you're really drunk and wake up the next day and can't believe you've said all those things. Can't bear the thought of childbirth being a traumatic memory of revelations!

memoo Sat 13-Sep-08 23:05:40

apparently I screamed at the midwife,

"Get your Fucking fingers out of me NOW" shock

avenanap Sat 13-Sep-08 23:06:58

Na, it's nothing like the drunk outbursts we have all done. Gas and air just makes you giggly, a bit light headed that's all.

southeastastra Sat 13-Sep-08 23:07:17

i kept saying 'i want to go home'

Bowddee Sat 13-Sep-08 23:08:24

I usually swear quite badly (blush), but the worst thing I said in labour was Oh God and Oh dear.

???

Flibbertyjibbet Sat 13-Sep-08 23:10:04

I just had gas and air and each puff I inhaled like it was the last breath I was going to take, then just sort of half fainted as it kicked in, I remember making and 'uuuuurrrrrghghghghghgh' throaty noise at the worst contractions but that was it.

I do remember hitting dp with the gas and air thingy when I told him to wipe the hair off my face and he didn't do it EXACTLY like I thought he should grin

Then when it was all over and they tried to give me the baby when I just wanted to sleep for a week, I told them to give the baby to his dad. Which dp thought very embarrassing.

Whatever you say or do there will be someone else who has done 'worse' - my friend told me that at the point where politely requested the midwife to 'give him to his dad', she shouted 'GET IT AWAY FROM ME' !!

Everyone bonded with babies fine though smile and dps hand recovered from the gas and air thing being embedded in it grin.

BabyStarlettsBeautiful Sat 13-Sep-08 23:12:56

You don't loose your mind. You mat be less polite in your demands i.e. 'Don't touch me!' or, 'Turn that music off!', but the words will generally be about your immediate comfort levels, not 'btw I don't like your mother one bit!'

IF you say anything on drugs it will be things like 'What does twinkle twinkle little star mean?', - or 'I fancy a sausage roll giggle giggle'!

I had my DD on Tuesday. Birth story here if you are interested.... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1370/604544?msgid=12354638#12354638

Also, you might want to join these lovely ladies who are in a similar situation to you:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2290/606002?msgid=12362155#12362155

LuLuMacGloo Sat 13-Sep-08 23:13:06

I've only ever heard one terrible tale. My friend (out of her face on Pethadine) - in all seriousness and in front of her DH - tried to chat up the doc who was stitching her up after an episiotomy. However she did not confide any deep dark secrets to him (except for her phone number).

Please try not to worry. You will be aware of what you are saying.

greenlawn Sat 13-Sep-08 23:13:08

I kept saying sorry a lot. Why? WHY?! Gas and air made me babble a bit, but it was nonsense, not anything awful - and I knew I was saying it, its not like being drunk when it comes back to you afterwards.

I do remember after the birth that I was telling everyone how much I loved them (mws included) and everyone was really really really my best friend - I'm a happy drunk ...

geraldinetheluckygoat Sat 13-Sep-08 23:13:30

I DO remember growling "shuuuuuuut uppppppp" to dp when he helpfully reminded me to "go easy" on the gas and air during a particularly painful contraction....grin

savetheplanetdontiron Sat 13-Sep-08 23:14:33

Oh god really it really really doesn't matter what you say and who you abuse. You are the one having the baby and everyone else (esp. your DH/P) just has to be a bit more grown up about it all. You will be fine. If you turn into a banshee, fine, if you do low cow moos (like the MW told me I did last time grin) fine. If you stay totally silent, fine. Please trust yourself to let go and do what you want. Good luck!!

random Sat 13-Sep-08 23:15:04

Don't worry I remember banging on about my hair looking a mess and insisted dp went home to get me a hairbrush grin

ScottishMummy Sat 13-Sep-08 23:17:47

thisismyfirst - congratulatiosn.nothing you could shout/squeal wont have been uttered before

dont worry even the most ethereal angel swear's like sweaty navvy giving birth

geraldinetheluckygoat Sat 13-Sep-08 23:17:55

I appologised for having hairy legs to the man doing my episiotomy.
I'll stop now, I'm not helping am I? Sorry, thisismyfirst

HarryAndRon Sat 13-Sep-08 23:19:46

I told my DH to stop patronising me, but it was said (he says anyway) as tho I was the exorsist girl and my head was about to start spinning and spexing vomit ((needless to say I did not head spinwink))

I think I also told everyone to fuck off and let me go home, NOW, right in transition..........I was not having the baby right then as I was tired, so would come back tomorrow.....blush

I think really you are just going to say things that you might say when tipsy (well, I did), and just be more abrupt.

as for anything else.....believe me, in labour, no-one listens to what you rant about. especially not your DH if you are squeezing his hand........he is more likely to be down on the ground groaningwinkgrin

luckylady74 Sat 13-Sep-08 23:22:29

I think you're 'in the moment' when you give birth - so you may well swear and rue the day you had sex, but it's all specific to the birth and not about revealing dark secrets.
Why would it be the end of the world if you blamed your partner? Would it be so awful if you said something you didn't mean?
If a partner can't understand that you may lose control when you're in extreme circumstances and even say daft things - they woudn't be much of a partner would they?
The impending responsibility of having a child may be making you feel like you want everything under control, unfortunately you can't control how a birth happens entirely as you can't foresee the future, but you can still have a positive and empowering one.
I obsessed about the shame of possibly having a poo whilst giving birth - my dh says I didn't, b ut I still have my doubts- but I don't care - the miracle of producing 3 dc outweighs that fear - I promise!

teafortwo Sat 13-Sep-08 23:24:12

thisismyfirst - Oh I was so scared of the pain and that so much too!!!

I didn't give birth in the UK. The hospitals here have a strict policy of ONLY using what in the UK I think they call a 'mini epidural' i.e an epidural that doesn't effect your legs too far down - only where needs be really. Unless there is a medical reason for not using it. Actually the anglo-saxons use of gas and air is really laughed at and seen as terribly cruel and old fashioned!

So - with this mini epidural you can feel the contractions but they don't hurt and there is no effect on your brain (I remember everything, said nothing I couldn't say at the dinenr table with a saintly Aunt and felt very well at the end about having a tiny lovable baby not because I was high on drugs!) I felt fine, had no panic, rants or fear and spent most of my labour reading. I don't know how things are organised in the UK BUT if it is possible to have a mini epidural I would recommend it for you 100 percent!!!! It sounds right up your street.

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