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Sex after Birth

(20 Posts)
keirao Tue 09-Sep-08 20:42:56

I gave birth eight months ago and have been problems since then. The birth itself was highly traumatic, the doctors used the ventouse extractor wrongly, they put it in and out of me for an hour not knowing what they were doing, I ended up having a third degree tear. I have been to several doctors in many countries since then, all seem to think I was repaired very well. However, I continue having pain. The pain stops sometimes for weeks sometimes for two months but comes back eventually. Doctors cannot explain why and they tell me to wait!Apparently I have a scar tissue formation (one doctor also referred to it as a "cyst", which he said could be removed if it does not get better with time) but I am tired of waiting and the frustration. I still haven't had penetrative sex with my husband and am dreading even the thought of it.

Has anyone else gone through a similiarly painful recovery period? I read about women who have not fully recovered even after 18 months or 2 years and feel really really down about this. Sex should not be painful after so many months. This is all I can think of, will I ever be normal again?

I would appreciate comments on this subject!

nowwearefour Tue 09-Sep-08 20:48:44

I feel for you. I'm afraid I havent got a similar experience to share i just didnt want you to be left alone out there. i did have a 3rd degree tear and it still hurts a bit now sometimes (15 months on) but not terribly like you seem to be experiencing. all i can say is keep on being pushy til you get to the bottom of it.

mumblecrumble Tue 09-Sep-08 21:12:47

Had c section so can;t comment but wanted to wish you well. That sounds pants! Keep telling them there's something wrong - don't give up. I have heard of women recovering well, even after such severe tearing. Just takes time I guess

Minniethemoocher Tue 09-Sep-08 21:19:47

Just wanted to say that I suffered a 3rd degree tear and it is horrible. But it did heal well eventually, did take over a year though. Go back to your doctor and ask to be refereed to a specialist, I have read that ultrasound treatment can help.

I hope that you soon feel better.

keirao Wed 10-Sep-08 17:39:21

Thank you all for your kind replies

newmummy27 Thu 11-Sep-08 17:21:04

snap, had a similar traumatic birth, 10 months down the line now and dont want sex (but neither does husband!), have PND also. Just to know you are not alone :-)

Minniethemoocher Thu 11-Sep-08 19:33:17

newmummy27 - so sorry that you have had a similar experience, no wonder you have PND. It really does get better though and you will resume your sex life, though the first couple of times may be a little worrying!

MrsMattie Thu 11-Sep-08 21:09:50

Could the 'cyst' the doctor referred to be a Bartholin's cyst? This would be completely unrelated to your tear, but is very common, harmless but can be incredibly painful (although can also go up and down, so at times you feel normal, and at other times you feel swollen and inflamed and very sore down below).

Can you be referred to another gynaecologist? You really shouldn't have to live with this sort of pain.

MrsTittleMouse Thu 11-Sep-08 21:16:05

Are you breastfeeding? I found that the pain in my scar improved when I stopped (at 10 months on the advice of a gynae). She told me that a lack of oestrogen in the vagina can impair healing. It wasn't a magic cure (still waiting for that), but it was a definite improvement.
It really is dreadful isn't it? I was ready to smack the next doctor who told me that it was all in my mind, just because I didn't have an infection...

keirao Fri 12-Sep-08 22:29:41

newmummy27, I am so sorry that you have PND. I don't know if I have it, all I can think of is the sore spot which used to be my vagina. Don't enjoy life very much these days for all I do is worry about the future but I also have an optimistic outlook on the side (i know it sounds contradictory): I keep telling myself one I get back my health down there I am not going to be sad, obsessed or ambitious about anything!

MrsMattie I just checked Bartholin's cyst, I don't think that's what I have. The locations of the pain and the lump are different but thank you anyway.

MrsTittleMouse I stopped breastfeeding in May at 4,5 months (the milk quit on me really) but I still feel very dry, almost as dry as those oestrogen-less days. You say you are still waiting for that magic cure, how long has it been since you gave birth?

solo Fri 12-Sep-08 22:39:55

I had an epi with my Ds 10 years ago and it took several years before I stopped tearing every time I attempted penetrative sex with my exp. Nothing but time and celibacy helped me I'm sorry to say.

keirao Fri 12-Sep-08 22:51:52

I am very sorry to hear that solo, it must have been a really difficult period. Don't be sorry though, I like hearing the truth. What's re-tearing like really? With blood and ripped skin and everything? Doctors had nothing useful to say then?

solo Fri 12-Sep-08 23:48:06

It's very painful. They(docs)said my skin had become thin and put it down to breast feeding(hormonal)hmm. They gave me a cream(don't remember what it was called)but it didn't help at all.

It felt like a thin blade cutting me tbh, not nice at all. Yes, it bled and then had to re-heal all over again. I dreaded it, which probably made it worse.

I wonder if bio oil would be suitable for you to use down there keirao? might be worth finding out.

solo Fri 12-Sep-08 23:49:50

It was very painful, no probs now(not that I've had much sex since Dd was born )

Minniethemoocher Sat 13-Sep-08 09:31:26

solo - you poor thing, how horrendous!! We waited at least 3-4 months before attempting penetrative sex, and I was as nervous as a virgin! We took it slow and I must admit that the first couple of times where no fun at all, and I did it with gritted teeth but it did improve.

Re-tearing! How awful for you! Pleased to hear that you no have no problems.

I must admit that I only breastfed exclusively for about a week, so maybe that helped me to heal.

solo Sat 13-Sep-08 09:58:11

Actually, thinking about it, I have torn a couple of times during 2004/6 and it's not like Dp is larger than average(I wish!). It didn't feel sore though until afterwards and was only a slight tear, so not too much bleeding.
I've only had sex twice in over two years and one of those times was during last week!grin<exciting!> Dp is not particularly bothered, so I guess I could tear more often than I'd know iyswim hmm.

It is a bit frightening the first time after giving birth isn't it? we don't know how it's going to feel I suppose and the fear of pain down there in a delicate area is worrying at the best of times I suppose.

keirao Sun 14-Sep-08 06:09:13

Checked bio oil, seems to have all the right ingredients which supposedly heal scar tissue but I am a bit hesitant when it comes to putting stuff on down there. I might give it a try though, thanks solo.

keirao Sun 14-Sep-08 18:17:36

Solo- I don't know if your "ripping" condition has been diagnosed but as I was researching for myself, I came across a condition called Vulvar Granuloma Fissuratum, which is, as far as I understand the ripping of the posterior fourchette section of the vagina. I don't know if it'd help yoy but here's the link to the research:

solo Sun 14-Sep-08 21:12:55

Thank you keirao, I'll check it out, though your link doesn't work wink

solo Sun 14-Sep-08 21:50:53

Just read through it and that sounds exactly what is/was happening to me. Thank you! Though, I guess I'd have to be having a 'normal,' regular sex life to know if it still occurs...

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