home births with older sibling ??(41 Posts)
Hi, we are trying for our second baby at the moment. We have a 3.5 year old daughter who we had in hospital but would like a home birth for the second one.
I know it sounds silly as I'm not even pregnant yet but would my daughter be in the house when I'm giving birth?
I'd like her to be there very soon after so that she can be involved with the baby. What do you think? what do most people do who have home births?
My Mum is a midwife so hopefully she'll deliver it as she delivered my daughter.
Congratulations! I had a HB with dd2, and dd1 (aged 4) was present throughout, she popped back to her room for a few mins when it got boring or a bit gory for her, lol. She came back in the room right after dd2 was born, and the whole thing worked great - would thoroughly recommend it. I think you need a plan in place though for her to be looked after if you need to be whisked to hospital.
If you let her come and go as she feels comfortable, it should be a lovely experience for her too.
Good luck x
I had my second at home and DS had just turned 4. He slept all the way through and woke up about half an hour after she was born, wandered into the bedroom and had a lovely cuddle with us all - completely unfazed by it! I'm sure it's one of the reasons they both get on so well now, I don't think they've ever fought and we had no jealousy issues with him at all. I did have MIL on standby in case he needed some attention and I think it's a good idea to have someone in addition to your DP around to solely focus on your DD if needed. Also might be an idea to watch some homebirths together if possible (Home Grown Babies and Homebirth Diaries are both lovely series) and maybe read a book like Hello Baby together.
Good luck - homebirths are the best!
I might have my mother in law there too. That way she can look after my daughter if needs be and she can distract her from the gory bits.
She is quite a sensitive little sole and might be upset if she thinks I'm in pain.
hellsbells76- that's a good idea, watching the birth videos together.
I could judge by her reaction to those wether it would be o.k to have her there. If she is completatly horrified by it then probbubly not.
DD was born at home while DS slept. He heard some of my first contractions (DH apparently told him I was watching something weird on the TV ) and helped DH start to fill the pool then went off up to bed as if nothing unusual was happening at all and slept right through (he was nearly 4). In the morning it was lovely to see his face when he peered into the moses basket.
DS2 was born at home 4mths ago - DS1 was 3.5 at the time and early labour started at about 4:30am - he woke at 7:30am and we told him that the baby was coming and did he want to stay or go to grandma's. He wanted to go to grandma's! DS2 was born just after midday and as I was feeding him, we got grandma to fetch him home, so I was still naked skin to skin feeding DS2 when DS1 came in and he loved it - I have a pic of them both with DS2 still covered in gunk - after me and DH held the baby, DS1 was next!
Homebirth was great! I'd def do it again if DH allowed me to! lol
What an ideot I didn't even concider it comming at night!
In that case she would probubly sleep through it all as well.
I think it would be more normal for my daughter if I had a home birth, as she asociates hospital with being poorly. It's not the ideal environment for her to meet and bond with her sibling.
i had a hb with number 3...my ds, 5, and my dd, 2 slept all through it while i was in the room next door to them. i had my ds at 5am, and they wandered in about 7ish to be surprised to see their new baby had arrived....it was top class....really great.
my parents were on standby if the baby came during the day...i didn't want to be worrying about the oother two when i was labouring...
It's quite common for subsequent babies to come at night - it's like your body doesn't really 'let go' until it's 'safe' to do so. I certainly niggled all day long before DD was born but it was only when I'd put DS to bed that the contractions really kicked in, and I'm sure it's no coincidence that she was born shortly before he was due to wake up.
One of the ladies at the homebirth group I run did most of her labour and gave birth to her second during her 2 year old's lunchtime nap! Our bodies really are amazing
Wow That is amazing!
I know that instinct is incredable, when I gave birth to my daughter everything came so naturally. I had such confidence, it was like I'd had loads of babys and just knew what to do. When I first breast fed her there was such a strange feeling of remembering what it feels like and how to do it. It was really strange. She is my only child.
If I hold someone elses baby now, I'm useless with it. I's dosn't come naturally any more.
I didn't know that either hellsbells76 yet looking back, I think that's exactly what my body was doing. My waters broke about 11am but I needed to collect DS from pre school, do some shopping, tidy up, fill the birthing pool etc. Once all that was done and DS was safely upstairs in bed, then the contractions came thick and fast and DD was born about 60 mins later. I shall tell myself from now on that I planned it all that way. thanks Hellsbells76. I nevcer knew I was so clever!
when i had ds, dd was at home. my mom came round in case she woke up. she did about an hour before ds was born but my mom made her toast and kept her upstairs. she was fine but was getting a bit unsettled as she wanted to come down but it was right at the crucial part but then as soon as ds was born she saw him and it was all lovely
I had number 2 at home and DS1 just slept through the whole thing.
I had both boys at home but knew I wouldn't be able to do it if DS1 was at home.
when I went into labour Mum came and got him for a sleep over.
They came first thing the next morning and it gave DH and I some time to say hello to DS2. Go with what you are comfortable with.
My dd2 (and me I guess) decided to come just after my dd1 was put to bed by her dad. I'd had cxs all day, but nothing major. I'd been able to pick up dd1 from childminder just an hour before. When the last lot of cxs hit hard, dh turned it into a game and we were all there grunting and panting! Looking back, very funny. When she was born, dd2 head was blue at the top, apparently she'd been waiting a while.
WHen people asked where dd1 (2 at the time) was going to go during the labour, I hadn't even considered her being anywhere other than with me. ALthough, I was totally prepared to give birth alone (with mw obviously) and with dh looking after her if it had come to it.
My bro and I were alseep when bro3 was born at home, and the 3 of us were downstairs watching tv in excitement when bro 4 was born, but I was 10 then so a bit more responsible. I think my parents made arrangements that the neighbour would come and watch us if necessary. I think as your DD is young and only one you would need a babysitter during the day. I wouldn't have her at the birth - a bit weird and upsetting for such a small child.
I'm planning a homebirth but will not have my DS (2) around if I can help it.
He is very sensitive to loud noises and gets distressed easily. He also gets very upset if he thinks I'm crying or hurt. I'm worried that he would find it too traumatic.
Ultimately, you know your daughter and would have the best idea about how she'd react if you got a bit vocal or if she wandered into the room where you are giving birth.. If you explain everything to her beforehand and have someone available to take her away and play, it could be ok.
I'm with HellsBells.
My daughter was 18 months when I had homebirth with ds1.
I was paranoid that she would feel pushed out shunted off to someones house whilst the baby was born. My midwives told me that I was so wound up about this that I wouldn't go into labour until she was tucked up safely in bed and would deliver by dawn. They were spot on! Labour seriously kicked in at midnight ds born 05.40 am She woke up at 06.30 to meet her baby brother all free of gore.
I had an HB when DS1 was 4. He slept through the entire thing. My mw was not keen for him to be in the house if it was daytime as she said some children don't cope with these things well. I would not have wanted him at the birth either, I don't think he would have liked it, but it was great that we didn't need to disturb him in the night.
HB is fantastic. Good Luck with getting pg and your HB
depends on your daughter and yourself. If you really feel the need to concentrate could be a distraction. When I was three I slept over at my grandma's when my sister was due, I really enjoyed being spoilt and had a lovely time.However with me I wanted DS around but not in the hurly burly of it IFYSWIM. When I saw sunrise I knew I had an hour to get DD out before DS woke. Really spurred me on!
Have fun with the conceiving bit.
I'm also planning a homebirth (in about 4 weeks. Help, not ready) I like the idea of DS (2 and a little bit) being around if he wants to be, but worry that he'll want to get into the pool, which I think would make it stop being relaxing for me. And I worry that he'd have a tantrum if told he couldn't. And the person looking after him is probably going to be my dad, and I don't really want him around when I'm audibly/visibly in labour and certainly not when I'm naked in the pool. So for all these reasons I'm probably going to end up getting people to take him out of the house (unless it's conveniently the middle of the night) which seems a shame. I wish my mum could come up at short notice, because I wouldn't mind having her around, but she can't.
Which is a long-winded way of saying that one factor in your decision might be who would be looking after your DD and whether you are comfortable with them being in the house while you're in labour
I had a homebirth with pool for DS2 we'd though of every contingency for DS1, who was 3 1/2 to be looked after but didn't count on all the noise waking him up and he just wandered downstairs at about 6am and decided to stay and watch his little brother arrive 20 minutes later. They have always been really close and loving towards each other (now 17 and 14) and I'm sure it was the best thing to happen - incidentally when I was very young I had a friend who lived near my Grandma who was one of 6 - her mother was French - and each of the siblings had been there when the younger ones arrived, they were a really lovely caring family. (DS1 just popped head round door and said, yes, it was great and he'll always remember it)
I have had 1 hospital birth and 4 home births.
with the first hb my parents were downstairs with ds1 abd dh and I were upstairs,
with the second ds1 was in the garden, and dd1 was asleep (and dh delivered him!)
with the 3rd they all slept through it
and with the last one I was in the bath and they were all wandering around getting dressed and cleaning their teeth etc
each was fantastic in their own way.....
would highly recommend it!
Also should mention that my reason for wanting hb's was that my baby brother was born at home when I was 4 and I loved it! I was the first person other than my mum to hold him, and I helped the mw to bathe him and get him dressed - I have never forgotten it....
cazboldy- That is absoluitly lovely.
my daughter will be at least 4.5 so I really hope she'll feel the same way.
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