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Am sad whenever I read about The "rush of love' when baby is born

(67 Posts)
soooootired Thu 28-Aug-08 20:08:54

I have read this over and over again and I feel like I missed out and that I am inadequate because I did not experience that. How many of you did? Or should I say did any of you NOT? I was so out of it and felt so detached that it didnt happen for me. Have suffered moderate PND so could this be a contributing factor?

IAteDavinaForDinner Thu 28-Aug-08 20:11:50

Nooooooooooooo, no rush of love here.

Acceptance, shellshock, blur, tired, protective - all words which applied to me for the first week or two. Rush of love is something I have never experienced. It might be more likely if I have another, I guess, but for number 1 it sisn't happen.

And I don't feel bad about it because I love DS with a strong burning lovey thing now, which grows every day. I think the movies have a lot to answer for.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Thu 28-Aug-08 20:12:52

i didnt feel it with dd1. at the time i didnt think i had pnd but looking back it was fairly clear that something was wrong. i jsut sort of got on with things rather enjoyed having a new baby iyswim? i didnt really feel anything for dd1 untill she was about ten months old.

thequietone Thu 28-Aug-08 20:13:39

Nope, didn't get it either the first time round. Took about a month before it kicked in. Second time round was an elective C section for medical reasons - it was a little easier to fall in love that time, but harder to cuddle! Don't worry, I'm not convinced it's that common, just something people feel they need to say they feel post birth!

WideWebWitch Thu 28-Aug-08 20:14:00

Don't worry about it, it';s SUCH a small part of general love for your children and babies. I didn't feel it when ds or dd were born, I fell in love with them (and really did) but at first felt nothing but exhaustion. Normal I think.

snarky Thu 28-Aug-08 20:14:06

The only rush of anything I had when ds was born was blood

I couldn't be closer to him now, I adore him.

I know what you mean though, I still feel sad sometimes when I think about how horrible the very early time was.

Bluestocking Thu 28-Aug-08 20:14:08

More like absolute amazement for me. My sister says she actively disliked her son for about two hours and had to go and look out of the window (she was in a hospital with a sea view) and give herself a good talking to. And we both love our sons passionately! So I don't think it's by any means universal or necessary.

scorpio1 Thu 28-Aug-08 20:14:33

didnt with ds1

did with ds2

did with dd but was V tired

FrannyandZooey Thu 28-Aug-08 20:15:15

I had it with ds1 but not ds2
don't think it makes much difference in the long term (or short term, really)

CarGirl Thu 28-Aug-08 20:16:21

My first child, was completely unplanned, not wanted at the time, emotional nightmare throughout the pregnancy etc etc. I had a huge rush of love for her after she was born, but the next 3 dc - all planned etc etc not at all just something that grew slowly (and some slower than others)

I think it is just a chemcial hormone thing in most cases tbh.

FlightAttendent Thu 28-Aug-08 20:18:49

Didn't have it straight away with either of them.

The first one took me till he was maybe 4 months old, and I was standing in the gloomy bathroom with him one evening, he had just had a bath - I caught a glimpse of his little bottom in the mirror, as I held him on my arm and suddenly it hit me that this creature was a wonderful creation. My creation if you like.

He still has such a sweet butt smile

The second it cae quicker - I didn't bond at all during pregnancy and really was afraid I would hate him, but when he was about an hour old I looked down, saw his face resembling myself as a baby (that sounds vain, but it was purely recognition iyswim) and not his father! and from that moment he was very special.

I have much more of an immediate everyday love for the second as well. The first I have to think about it, we are so different. The second I have more of a connection with somehow.

DisplacementActivity Thu 28-Aug-08 20:18:52

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littlefrog Thu 28-Aug-08 20:19:10

a friend said that her antenatal class (i think 10 mums) they were told that probably 2 of them would fall head over heels in love; 7 would say 'oh it's you, is it?'; and 1 would say my god that's not what i was expecting! no idea if the numbers are even vaguely right, but seems sensible.

LackaDAISYcal Thu 28-Aug-08 20:21:10

I did with DS after a very traumatic labour and emCS

I didn't with DD after a very difficult, emotional pregnancy and then an elCS. But, it grew steadily once I knew that she was OK, and continues to grow (I think my anxiety about her not being OK was keeping me from letting go emotionally). I was also suffering from Antenatal depression through the pregnancy so, like you suggest, that might have had something to do with it.

soooootired Thu 28-Aug-08 20:24:59

Oh I feel so much better now. I was immediately protective though. In a way I hope I feel it when I have another child but on the other hand i feel it would be unfair on DS1 (silly I know) to have it with one and not the other.

A part of me does wonder if I love my DC as much as other people love their children because I missed out on the 'rush of love'. I do love him but there is always the thought in the back of my mind IFYKWIM.

meglet Thu 28-Aug-08 20:26:21

I never felt it, mind you that was after 12 hour overnight labour and em cs. I felt protective of him and rather shell shocked, but it was months before I fell head over heels in love with him.

Lizzylou Thu 28-Aug-08 20:30:37

DS1, after 48hrs and a ventouse was far too high on G&A to feel anything. I am always haunted by the fact that DS1 had to be resuscitated (I didn't know at time) and DH held him first and when I finally did, I was falling asleep blush
We bonded over a very sleepless night, thoughwink

ClosedForCleaning Thu 28-Aug-08 20:30:55

Not with my first. I was in shock and too busy just trying to remain conscious. It was nearly 24 hours before I think I made a meaningful connection. Second was a calm birth that I felt in full control of - that was much more like the stuff of romances.

Lizzylou Thu 28-Aug-08 20:31:10

Sorry, meant to add
DS2 though, was instant

Pruners Thu 28-Aug-08 20:33:23

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expatinscotland Thu 28-Aug-08 20:34:43

I didn't get it, either.

With either girl, and DD2 was your classic, drug-free delivery on my knees after a short labour.

Had a rush after a couple of hours after we had a short sleep and she woke up ready to feed.

Shitehawk Thu 28-Aug-08 20:43:05

No rush of love here. I can't even remember the first time I saw my dd, I was so far out of it after 30 hours of labour and an emergency section.

I don't feel there is any reason to feel bad; even before I fell in love with her I would have walked over hot coals to protect her. And now I adore her with all of my being and that's what's important.

InTheDollshouse Thu 28-Aug-08 20:53:17

I didn't have it. I was on a high after the birth, absolutely elated, but it wasn't love for DD, just generalised euphoria. I felt very tender and protective towards her but it was later that I really felt the strong love for her that I feel now.

soooootired Thu 28-Aug-08 20:55:02

I think I probably need to focus on how much I love him now rather than feeling guilty about not loving him instantly!

3andnomore Thu 28-Aug-08 21:02:36

with my first 2 I felt that immidiate rush of love...both syraightforward enough labours/births....only painrelief gas and air....and I was calm and all that...

ds3....took yearrs to build a proper bond, and definitely no immediare rush of love there....extremely painful labour and a traumatic birthexperience ( transferred from Homebirth to Hospital when 10cm's dilated as labour stalled, was scared out of my mind, horriblr doctor, harsh treatment, and after failed trial of ventouse ended in Emergency C-section), also was rather low/depressed after, didn't cope well at all, and ys was hard work, always screaming etc....and well, that was probably the reason for the love bit taking time....

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