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My labour was horrendous- i want to do some positive thinking next time, where do I start?

(24 Posts)
G2B Thu 21-Aug-08 21:44:02

Unless I become very confident in hypnobirthing (I don't know what that is in all honesty) or something to make me more positive in labour, I don't think I can go through it again. Which is difficult when we're trying for a baby agai next year.

Maternity ward were atrocious. Sent my DP home and left me in agony that they called 'little prostin pains' until I got to 4cms, then got him for me. That was the most painful part of the labour though and I was beside myself without him.

Don't want a home birth because if there's complications I want to be in hospital, otherwise I'll panic.

A LOT of people in my town had the same awful things happen to them by the maternity ward in our hospital. 6 had the same experience as me in the same month as me.

So you can imagine why I'm terrified.

Also, I did NOT do well with prostin and my hospital refuse to give epidurals (pethadine and gas and air didn't work for me) so what can I do about that?

i want to sort out my phobias before we try again.

MrsPickles Thu 21-Aug-08 21:56:00

Have you got your notes? Maybe having a debriefing session with a midwife going through your notes would give you a chance to air some of your grievances and perhaps give the hospital an opportunity to respond and hopefully reassure you about next time, perhaps discuss how things could be done differently next time. Why did you have to be induced? Could you refuse it next time? It does seem that induced labours are often much more painful.

I think hynobirthing and active birth classes might be really helpful for you. Also highly recommend a book called Childbirth without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read

Can you go to another hospital? I was given a choice of about 5 when I was pregnant. What about a midwife led unit?

bababelle Thu 21-Aug-08 22:38:25

Hi G2B
Haven't got much advice for you but just wanted to say I was really happy to find someone with the same questions as me - I had the same kind of experience, finding induction with prostin really painful - felt like a real failure for finding it so painful when they said I wasn't even in established labour yet!! although our hospital did give epidurals but having one early caused all sorts of extra problems, long story - and awful postnatal care. Beginning to think about giving our lovely DD a playmate one day (she's only 8 months though so still way in the future) and beginning to wonder what I can do to take positive charge before another birth! Where are you based btw?
*Sends positive vibes*

G2B Thu 21-Aug-08 22:43:42

Cumbria. Where abouts as you? Good to find someone with the same questions, too! And someone who had prostin pains. Do you feel like you've got over the failure feeling? I had a very progressive birth once it got going and I could only lie on my back- everything else was beyond agony, and the midwives hated me lying on my back.

MrsPickles- definately going to get that book, thanks. That's the first step sorted. I will go and speak to the midwives as I feel they were terrible- are you going to do that bababelle?

waitingtobloom Fri 22-Aug-08 08:13:17

I was in a similar situation to you psychologically after the birth. What has helped me - I am surprisingly chilled now at 38 weeks - was talking about it and then talking some more. I found a doula before I even got pregnant and spent hours going through it, how I felt, what I could do differently next time etc. I have carried on working with her throughout the pregnancy and also read lots and lots and lots of books on natural childbirth, staying in control etc etc.

I have also tried hypnobirthing which is more about relaxation and control than anything. I put the cd tracks on my ipod and fall asleep listening to them and I think it has helped relaxed me. I have the mongan method book, the Dick Read Childbirth without fear one...you name it I have read it and it really helps. Have looked at active birthing, water birth, breathing - everything I didnt do last time.

I am also having a home birth (fingers crossed) with things planned the way I want them - not what they want but if you are not comfortable with this is there another hospital you cuold go to - or midwife lead unit? Have a doula with you?

What I have also found is that the medical profession ahve treated me very differently this time around. As a second time mum I have somehow "earned" respect and the right to have an opinion and a say in things - as awful and horrible and unfair as that sounds. They treat me like an adult (didnt last time), discuss things rather than tell me and actually take my thoughts into consideration. Whether this is in reaction to my more positive thoughts I dont know.

Its taken a while to feel this confident but it has happened. I had awful pnd after th birth and never thought I would get to this stage where I am actually quite looking forward to it!

xxx

FrannyandZooey Fri 22-Aug-08 08:14:53

oh PLEASE get a doula if you can possibly afford it

I would recommend it as number one thing you can do to have a more positive birth experience

inni Fri 22-Aug-08 09:22:33

I had a really bad experience with my DS too. My water broke at 4 in the morning and went to hospital. Not regular contractions whatsoever. After 12 hours decided for pitocin and it was so painful they came all at once. Asked for Epidural but can't work with pitocin at the same time. I scream for 2 hours cos the baby's head was stock in birth canal. Finally came out 22 hours after the waters. My second childbirth was drugsfree beautiful, not screaming and just 3.5 hours. Don't be scared cos in second time you are completely ready for what is coming, and will be much easier.
PS. the breathing tecnics during the second stage are reallyyyyyyyy helpful. goodluck

bababelle Fri 22-Aug-08 21:13:09

G2B - I'm in Hertfordshire. In my case I had induction because my waters had broken with meconium. Labour got started with the prostin but I didn't dilate so then had a drip, then the baby became distressed so I ended up with an emergency c-section. Felt like it was all my fault because I had an early epidural so then didn't progress well but in fact it could have been any number of things. Was left shellshocked about the birth and then felt totally neglected in the postnatal ward (long story in itself but suffice to say we had a spontaneous apology from the senior midwife discharging us when we left!). Have felt very upset and confused about the whole thing for a long time but think I am gettting to the point now where I want to move on to think about what positive steps I can take for next time. I plan to go to a different hospital (I know not everyone has the luxury of several hospitals close enough though) and to ask to go through my notes with a midwife if/when we are expecting again; to investigate hypnobirthing, have heard really inspiring birth story from another member of my antenatal class who used this- probably can't afford classes but there are CDs etc. eg. from NCT catalogue; and in meantime am starting yoga to help with relaxation and awareness of own body both now and looking ahead!

littlelamb Fri 22-Aug-08 23:08:04

Read Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. It really really helped me to prepare for ds's birth after a horrible time with dd. I had a horrible induction with dd and although I thought I was clued up I wasn't and felt horribly out of control. 4 years later I still have no idea why some things were done to me. So this time I read completely different books (stepped away from Miriam Stoppard et al) and found a whole new batch of literature. At first I was sceptical, but over about 20 weeks it became ingrained in me that I really could have a better birth, and even through contractions with ds (I was only in labour for 3 and a half hours, with 8 minutes of pushing - easy!) I could remember what I had read and believed it too. Obviously this can't help with terrible hospital protocol but I could not have felt more mentally prepared and felt completely amazing afterwards- back to normal (honestly!) within days rather than the weeks it took with dd. Good luck x

MarsLady Sat 23-Aug-08 00:07:22

Doula UK. You can find a doula here smile

scottishmummy Sat 23-Aug-08 00:17:17

i debriefed with my Gp,really helped.painful to recall but worthwhile

JayneF Sat 23-Aug-08 00:36:23

Lots of advice there. Power of positive thinkin is good. eg Stay positive by thinking things such as with every cotraction that happens, that is one step nearer to your baby;

i agree that self belief is massively powerful. My 2 births were undoubtedly happy, wonderful and even spiritual (despite usual pain etc) experiences because I focused on the positive at all times.

G2B Sat 23-Aug-08 09:11:13

My hospital only allows one birth partner, they wouldn't even let my mum there last time, so I'm not allowed a doula as DP will be there. What a nightmare because I'd love one.

They wouldn't follow my birth plan either.

The part I feel sick thinking about is when DP got sent home. I was so terrified I was hysterical and they treated me really nastily. I know it'll happen again because their rules are if you're not dilating from prostin, no matter how much pain you're in, your birth partner has to leave.

The next hospital is 45 minutes to an hour away, is this too long?

I'll read Ina May, any more suggestions? I'm prepared to buy a good few books as I panic when I think about the birth so I need to get over that ASAP. I wonder if that's why I've ended up with PND?

I was induced because my waters broke.

I was also terrified as my sister had got HELLP syndrome and nearly died a week before I had my baby, and a member of DPs family had died at childbirth the year before. I explained this to two midwives who told me not to be 'silly' and I'm not them so it 'won't happen to' me. Even though both cases happened at that hospital.

littlegirlblue Sat 23-Aug-08 09:29:49

Haven't read through all the threads, but just to add a positive story - after a horrendous first labour experience where I felt the hospital treatment was appalling, I couldn't face going through it again, and spent the first part of my second pregnancy in absolute terror...until I bought a hypno birthing book and cd, it was fantastic. I then opted for a home birth. The experience was a hundred light years away from the first experience. Calm, quiet, my husband by my side thoughout, one midwife constantly there, calm and unintrusive. I only needed tens and gas and air. It was a beautiful, magical, positive experience. I went to bed in my own bed with my DH, and our toddler slept through it all and awoke to a new baby sister! So best of luck for you x x

G2B Sat 23-Aug-08 09:46:58

Littlegirlblue- That's a fantastic story! I'm so pleased that happened for you and it gives me hope that might happen for me too. Did you not worry about complications if you had a home birth? like if anything happened, at hospital they could just doan emergency section.

Anglepoise Sat 23-Aug-08 10:20:03

G2B have a look at www.homebirth.org.uk for info on home births. Obviously it depends how close to hospital you are, but if there are any complications then you would simply be transferred in.

I'd also second those who've suggested you having a look at hypnobirthing, even if you just get hold of Marie Mongan's book and some CDs rather than doing the course

inni Sat 23-Aug-08 13:11:20

It was a beautiful story littlegirblue but I would be scared of doing it home. You didn't need to go to hospital afterwards for som chec up or the baby? Lots of courage for people giving birth home.

princessglitter Sat 23-Aug-08 13:52:22

I had a home birth after a horrible hospital induction first time. I had hypnotherapy and gave birth in a calm, serene and comfortable environment. I had more attention that in an understaffed maternity unit, as two experienced midwives were solely focused on me.

lauraloola Sat 23-Aug-08 21:03:49

Sorry to hear of your bad experience. I live 5 minutes from our local hospital but have heard such bad things about it that I chose to have dd 40 minutes away and had a fab labour.

Is there another hospital near you that has a better reputation? I would defo recommend travelling that bit further x

Thomcat Sat 23-Aug-08 21:09:28

G2B - you poor thing. I'd personally start my refusing to go under you local hospital. My local hospital is 10 mins away yet with DD1 I went to one that was about 30 minutes away. Was a great decision.
Had DD2 & 3 at home but still refused to be under the care of my local hospital. With DD3 I had to be under them for the last few weeks to get a midwife out to me and I felt uncomfortable with that and I was lucky enough to have a doula which was wonderful. I felt completely at ease knowing that someone I had got to know and really liked was going to be there for me I didn't care that I was under the hospital I didn't feel good about.

ceelly Mon 22-Sep-08 14:41:28

G2B.. Your hospital sounds terrible. Fancy forcing someone to be alone. I had HELLP it is pretty nasty. But I knew I was sick and the GYN also knew something was wrong but made a misdiagnoses and refused to listen to me.( He told me my unborn child had dwarfism of all things and insisted I was not sick :-( ). I had to go to my GP and my blood pressure was 110/190. I am not looking forward to having a second child at all.

The best advice I have been given is go and do your research. See other doctors and hospitals you don't have to be pregnant to see a GYN or a make an appointment at a hospital to talk to someone. Do your research and make a plan. It is best to do this before you get pregnant again.

good luck

RaggedRobin Mon 22-Sep-08 22:13:03

was induced first time due to being over my dates (+10). induction was a nightmare - took 3 days - no sleep with prostin pains. prostin didn't work and was manually dilated on 3rd afternoon.

refused induction 2nd time (+10) and had the most wonderful waterbirth, no pain relief and no real pain. just keep breathing!

both experiences were in the same hospital but the difference between the consultant led unit and the cmu was night and day.

ajm200 Tue 23-Sep-08 16:47:43

I think there is a trial cd that you can down load from www.hypnobabies.com to give you an introduction to using hypnosis for birth. I've got their home study course and it contains a fear release session and birth affirmations that convince you to think positively about the birth..

Last pregnancy, I was a mess with nerves during the last trimester. This time, I couldn't be more chilled out despite my last birth being far from ideal. I do wonder if this will last right up to the birth, I hope it does

ajm200 Tue 23-Sep-08 16:48:46

Another option would be to talk to someone from the traumatic birth association about counselling. They have a website.

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