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Need a little help.... please! I am trying to get an elctive c section or find somewhere to have one done privately....

(29 Posts)
KtBaby Fri 15-Aug-08 12:30:45

Hey there everyone!
I am not pregnant yet!
But me and my partner are planning on trying for a baby very soon!

I have a genuine fear of giving birth in a what people call natrually way,
this is not something i am bragging about, in fact i am actually a bit ashamed of what people may think,
my mother had 2 C.sections,after awful experiances... my friends birth of her daughter [that i was present for] ended up with her screaming the place down and with 3rd degree tears, my cousin had horrific experiance with her sons birth, and i dont think i have had one person tell me face to face that im doing the wrong thing by trying my best to get as much info on having a C.Section as possible,

yes i know people can have amazing lovely births, i know!
its just not something i feel incapable of,
i have nightmares about it, panic attacks, and feel physically sick thinking about doing it the natural way!
im sorry, but its just how i am.
of corse, if i get offfred couciling, i will take it! But i have had counciling many many times before, for a number of things, ... so i know alllll about that.

With all the bad experiances and with my own mother telling me i should have a c section, after she had PostND twice with me and my brother, after she had days and days of labour... and had to have c sections anyway... my minds pretty made up,
i have support, i dont need people telling me how its wrong, or if they think its stupid, i need advise to make me feel better, i want to plan ahead, i am desparate for a little one!
He/She would be adored dearly trust me!

I dont want Pnd or go through something that would trumatise me for the rest of my life, i have enough panic attacks as it is, something i have always suffered with unfortunatly

If anyone knows how i feel that would be great,
and any one who knows any private centres and how much it was? ...
Anything, i just really reallllyyy need some help!;
i want to plan my baby!

mamadiva Fri 15-Aug-08 12:37:10

My section has mentally scarred me so much so that I refuse to have anymore children. Not a nice experience.

mamadiva Fri 15-Aug-08 12:41:04

You do also realise that you can get PND through sections too? It's not always to do with how ou give birth. So perhaps you should seek some help before getting pregnant to try and come to terms with your fears.

No one ca slate you for researching or thinking about a section but just dismissing a VB seems a bit starnge when your not even pregnant if it were me I'd rather come to terms with it beforehand because there may be a reason you can't have a section in the end. What would you do then?

CrushWithEyeliner Fri 15-Aug-08 12:43:03

Hi there,
I am not sure you can organise this before you are PG tbh. I may be wrong but I think you have to be well into your PG before you can start discussing your birthing plan options with your GP/Midwife.

Also your comment here rang alarm bells for me

...ended up with her screaming the place down and with 3rd degree tears..

A CS may be much more traumatic than this just to warn you. I speak with some experience here. Perhaps if you talk to your GP about counselling for your fear of birth this may be a good starting point. Good luck.

CuppaTeaJanice Fri 15-Aug-08 12:43:11

There's just been a huge long thread on this topic started by Ema76. She managed to get her consultant to agree to an elective CS.

You should read her thread, there will be stuff on there that will help you too.


mears Fri 15-Aug-08 12:43:34

Before seeking a private CS, I would speak to a consultant at your local hospital.

I think to be honest you are trying to plan too far ahead. You may move house before you get pregnant and move to another area.

I don't think it is possible to have a CS agreed to before you are pregnant so I would not plan a baby on that basis.

Once you are pregnant, discuss your wishes with your NHS consultant. It is most likely that they will agree to do it in this day and age to be honest. It would be good to request counselling to be sure you are making the right decision.

tiggerlovestobounce Fri 15-Aug-08 12:43:42

The portland hospital has a pricelist on their website.
i think that you are looking at about £10,000 all in.

hanaflower Fri 15-Aug-08 12:44:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boobz Fri 15-Aug-08 12:49:53

Hi Ktbaby,

It's lovely to hear you are planning to have a baby soon - I am only 9 weeks gone so it's all very new to me (first time) too.

It's horrible having an irrational fear, isn't it? Councelling would definitely be a good option - have you investigated getting this councelling before falling pregnant?

You may have seen already, that there are lots of threads on here over the last few days which have gone into the pros and cons of c-sections, with people popping in to say they are better / worse than vaginal births. They tend to become a competition about which is more traumatic, which tends to be a bit daunting for first timers like me! They then invariably get ugly as people think they are not being listened to, and then the name calling starts!

I imagine that's not the kind of thread you are looking to create.

I would urge all posters in this thread to try and steer clean of the above. Can we all just post things that the OP is looking to investigate? i.e. private centres where she can get an elective c-section? Let's assume the OP knows about the problems that can come with both, that she's made an informed decision and that we now don't have to debate the whys and wherefors.... let's just give her the info she's asked for.

Which incidentally I can't do as I am planning a v-birth at home for my first! So that makes me pretty useless, doesn't it!

Good luck KT.

twinkle3869 Fri 15-Aug-08 12:51:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PortAndLemon Fri 15-Aug-08 13:02:00

If you have a genuine phobia then you will probably be able to get an NHS c-section; you might have to make a fuss and/or have counselling, but in the end you should be able to arrange it.

(please do bear in mind that you may get PND after a c-section too, so be aware of the potential signs after you've had your baby and seek help if necessary; don't assume that what you're experiencing can't be PND as you had a straightforward section)

wasabipeanut Fri 15-Aug-08 13:07:49

This is a very contentious subject - have been some recent rather high spirited threads about it and one is ongoing.

Certainly I think counselling is a good idea but I also think you should concentrate your energies in making your bambino before you start to worry about its entrance into the world.

Best of luck.

KtBaby Fri 15-Aug-08 13:13:27

Thank you boobz! By the way cool nick name!

It may sound like i am making a fuss, but thats just because i am so looking forward to starting a family but ya know... just want this one thing out of it all!

yes, i have realised many people like to give there opinions and make u seem silly and make u feel like what u have said is reduicullous!... but as u said, yes i have just come on here to ask for advise, not your expericances or ho awful your c. sections were.
I understand all the risks, and i also see how people can find this fear irrational and stupid, but ... it is not you, it is not your body, it is not your choise,
iv'e made a choise, all i wanted to do is see if there was anyone feeling how i feel and see how they went about it, see if they got c. sections too.

i dont need to be told how awful it is or how im better off doing it the natural way, because its not gonna happen! Sorry! And it doesnt make the situation any better for me saying that does it.

I know i still might get complications, but i am saying, i feel i will do it and handle it a whole lot better this way.

yeh alright... im not pregnant yet... i just wanted to find out things before i did get pregnant... which surely... is kinda smart, i would rather not get an abortion!....

So ... thank you but i just wanted a friedly calm chat about other women who feel the same. i dont need to be told off of had a go at.
Come on girls... its just a way to bring life into this world... it isnt a competition...!

WideWebWitch Fri 15-Aug-08 13:16:18

this thread has plenty of opinions

PortAndLemon Fri 15-Aug-08 13:28:05

Mears (who is a midwife, so knows what she's talking about) has told you that an NHS consultant probably would agree to an elective c/s for you and tiggerlovestobounce and twinkle3869 have given you some pointers on private optons.

Which area of the country are you? If it's not London then consider starting a thread asking about private birth options in [area]; that will give you some ideas on who to contact in the unlikely event that you can't have an NHS section. The cost outside London would probably be similar, although slightly less, than the figures tiggerlovestobounce and twinkle3869 have suggested for London.

KtBaby Fri 15-Aug-08 13:36:21

i live in the petrborough area, we have only lived here for 8 months, used to live in cambridge, so wer pretty settled here!
i heard about the london one, if all else fails, i will definatly try that,

once im expecting, i will do my very very best to get one on nhs, but i know nothing is guarenteed so i know i will have to keep on looking,
this is so horrible this feeling, i can hear how i sound to other people, and its embarrasing, but i just wouldnt be able to go through it, ive had enough trauma in my life, i know a cs wouldnt be trauma free, i just feel i would be able to enjoy being pregnant if i could.

i have read ema's story on her thread, i just pray to god im as lucky as she is, ema we have alot in common darlin'!

mears Fri 15-Aug-08 13:38:22

KtBaby - please do not think you need to go private for a CS - that is not true. You will always get one privately so I don't think you need to ever consider an abortion!

If you are not planning to move to another area, why don't you make an appointment with a consultant at your local hospital - your GP should be able to advise who best to see.

You would then know how you would be treated when you do become pregnant.

CrushWithEyeliner Fri 15-Aug-08 13:43:09

I think the responses you have had so far are very friendly and calm. You should be careful to dismiss other Women's account of a difficult CS as they are only telling you out of good intention. You were on the other thread - there was a lot of good information on there about how to go about an elective CS if that is what you really want.

KtBaby Fri 15-Aug-08 13:50:59

thank you mears, i hear your a mid wife?
i will definatly do that then, at last then i would be able to enjoy becoming pregnant, if i felt more assured that it would be possible of having a c.s, instead of mixed emotions of joy and absolute indescribable fear!

blush i know it must sound redicullous to you as u know more than anyone about this sort of thing, but i really cant explain how i feel its a genuine fear, i would be really worried about not getting a consultant who understands.

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 15-Aug-08 13:51:47

Oh Ktbaby, I do feel for you, having heard all these horrific stories about childbirth. You poor thing. You must be terrified.

KtBaby Fri 15-Aug-08 13:55:35

CrushWithEyeliner... Sorry about that i didnt mean to offend you, i know that its done with good intention, thats just how much of a panic i get in about it i dont realise!
So sorry about that.

whomovedmychocolate Fri 15-Aug-08 13:56:39

Ktbaby - funnily enough I felt just this way before I got pregnant with DD. I did end up having two sections all the same (DS was born 4 weeks ago by CS) but during both pregnancies I was adamant I wanted a natural birth.

Birth is bloody scary the first time - however it happens - because you don't know what will happen or how you will cope with it. But that doesn't mean you need to have major abdominal surgery necessarily - learning about it can reduce the fear. Also reading about 'good' birth experiences can help.

But at the end of the day yes you are right anything can happen and it can be really bad and if you do have a genuine phobia you should be able to get a CS on the NHS (NB round here it costs about £4k privately.)

Good luck getting pregnant.

KtBaby Fri 15-Aug-08 14:04:13

whomovedmychocolate- i know its scary first time, and trust me, i have watched video's about the good births, and read stories, and heard a few good ones from friends, but still, nothing helps me, i cant even imagine it, i know i could have a good experiance if i didnt have a fear, its a shame i know, its just how i feel. ... ive tried alot already, i think im pretty made up. No amount of happy stories will make me change my mind.
Thank you for your advise, 4K doesnt seem too bad for around here.
But i will see what i can get from nhs first.
Thank you! i will keep everyone informed on how things go. xx

MadameCastafiore Fri 15-Aug-08 14:18:22

They let you have one at the drop of a hat in Wales apparently - tsk tsk!

twinkle3869 Fri 15-Aug-08 14:31:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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