Ok - So I've freaked out about my homebirth - please talk some sense into me!(12 Posts)
I have always been so pro home birth. Even before getting pregnant with DS I was adamant if I ever had children I would have a home birth. I give lectures on home births and how fantastic they are. I can quote you statistics and scenarios and anything you want on it and have desperately wanted one for this baby (was coerced into hospital with ds for high bp).
So now Ive freaked out. I dont want a home birth Im too scared. I want to go to hospital (which I hate and panic in and dont understand the attraction for for healthy pregnancies). I dont know if its the birth drawing closer and the reality dawning (im 34 weeks ish)or whether peoples comments have finally got to me. People have been negative all the way through (not dh or my mum or anyone important). Have had loads of comments about the mess (why are people so obsessed with the mess???) but more worryingly comments such as that Im putting my own happiness over the health of my baby, Im selfish, how would I forgive myself if anything went wrong, blah blah blah.
All of these I have just shrugged off or counteracted in the past so whats different now? Im really panicked about this - can feel my heart racing and have no idea what has suddenly gone wrong? Last time I ended up with bad pnd - for many reasons but partly because I couldnt have my home birth, the way my birth went and my treatment in the hospital afterwards. So why on earth would I suddenly want to go back????
ARGHH Someone talk me out of this please!!!
Well first of all if habing a hospital birth calms you downa nd you feel happy about it, do it. You're allowed to change your mind.
And if enough people say "this plane will crash, it will" just before you get on it then of course you're going to be nervous about getting on it, although the likelihood of the plane crashing hasn't remotely been altered by their saying so.
Go to hospital if you want to. Or tell yourself you'll stay at home as long as you feel comfortable and THEN you'll go in.
Forget the mess, the midwives clean it up, it's totally fine. You're not putting your own happiness over your baby's - home birth is statistivcally as safe blah blah, you know the facts.
Have you thought about a doula? That might help.
I had exactly the same panic at the same stage
My lovely lovely midwife just said," Well. leave things as they are. if on the day, you decide you want to come in, you can. No problem (as long as you think it early enough, of course!) If, on the other hand you feel fine. Stay put."
If you opt out of the homebirth now, it'll be much harder to change your mind back again.
Try some reverse psychology. Imagine if your mw rang you right now and said you were not going to be able to have a home birth, how would you feel?
(fwiw, I DID end up in hospital - due to minor medical complications. Still had a wonderful birth experience - with the mw who would have come out to me if it'd been a home birth)
Im having ahomebirth for my PFB so havent been through labouir before so bit different perspective. However, i have received negative comments and do have the pdd wobble where i panic at the idea. Im sure it'll get worse the nearer i get. The way i try to calm myself is that I have a choice, rather than committing to the idea of a home birth, my aim to stay at home as long as possible. I have provision to deliver at home, i have the option to go to hospital. i find it much easier to process and rationalise if i think, im going to labour at home with medical support and if i need to i can go to hospital. however if im successful in staying calm, and relaxing in a home environment then i should be able to deliver at home no problem. Mentally i take it in chunks. first step, labour at home, if i stay there..bonus!
Don't think about it while you are in this state. Go do something else and when you are calm again, then you can think about it.
My hb was a fantastic, wonderful experience and if I'm ever pg again I will definitely try to have another.
You've done your rational thinking and reading about it, you don't need arguments right now, you just need to relax a bit!
34 weeks is a tough bit too, over half way, not close enough to nearly there.
Thank you. You are all making a lot of sense and I hadnt thought of it like that. Was thinking home or hospital but really perhaps I should just go with the flow. Midwives seem happy for me to have a HB so perhaps start off at home and take it from there. Last birth I was only in established labour for 1.5 hours though which makes it even more ideal as hospital is at least 45 minutes away.
Already have a doula WWW - have just emailed her in a similar flap lol.
Deep breaths and take it how it comes....
I had a wonderful homebirth with DS2 and like you, had very few positive responses before I did it. People are really obsessed with the mess aren't they?? Yes there is some mess but not a lot and you won't be the one clearing itup!! Best advice I can give is to use stuff (sheets etc) that you are happy to throw away.
Havcing a cup of tea in my own bed with my baby in my arms half an hour after giving birth was fantastic (as was the 11 hour, mainly uninterrupted sleep we all had taht first night!)
I freaked out a bit as the time grew nearer, mainly about teh idea of something being wrong with the baby when he was born. A chat to my midwife helped, and she reassured me that teh chance of something bering wrong at the point of birth taht had not been picked up by the monitoring during the labour was ver rare.
I raec a fantastic book called "stand and deliver" in the last few weeks of my pregnancy which helped me to feel very positive about my decision.
Good luck and go with your instincts. Happy to chat if you want more advice
Just remember you can go into hospital at any time. Keep your options open and go ahead and plan your homebirth. You can always change your mind.
Ditto what WWW said - you would be labouring in early stages at home anyway, just go with it for as long as you feel comfortable. Much easier to go from home to hosp than the other way around.
Thank you - you all make a lot of sense and am starting to calm down slowly...
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