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am i the only one PETRIFIED of giving birth???

(65 Posts)
niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:00:56

thought once again id ask you all for some of your thoughts and opinions please...i am 31 + 2 weeks and am extremely fearfull of giving birth.i have seen some births on the web that people pass comment on ie ''how beautifull'' and to me it looks like a horror show!!!i have booked with an independent mw and find that talking to her has helped sooo much.believe it or not i was even more scared a couple of months ago!!! i am planning a home water birth as i live 2 mins from hospital and feel my local hospitals are currently offering very poor care etc etc (thats another thread)!!so the plan is to give birth at home with 2 lovely mw's.HOWEVER i keep having these massive 'wobbles' where i doubt my ability to even give birth and start asking people to describe to me what a contraction feels like and how a baby fits out of there!!! i actually read a thread on mumsnet today about an article in the guardian talking about how elective cs is safer than vaginal birth and how many suffer with terrible problems down below as a result of a vaginal birth!!! this has brought on another big 'wobble'! i am also very keen not to have dh see the whole thing from down there as i feel so uncomfortable just thinking about that......please tell me im not the only one with these horrible irrational thoughts!!

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 21-Jul-08 19:03:11

Message withdrawn

scorpio1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:05:25

I have had 3 VB and seriously, its OK. I wobble each time before i know i have to do it - but i do it and with minimal pain relief.

I had a HB with db3 13 weeks ago, and its far better than a hospital birth IMO. Much more relaxing.

Your body is made to give birth, relax

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:05:27

oh thank goodness!!! i mean im sorry you too feel like this but its good to know im not going mad!!! i actually daren't talk to friends etc as im sure they will think im totally pathetic!

scorpio1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:06:38

is there anything you want to ask?? Can you ask MW anything - does she understand you?

KristinaM Mon 21-Jul-08 19:07:00

no you are not alone. i have been terrified each time blush

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:12:55

thanks scorpio1....i talk to my mw lots about it and afterwards i always feel much better,but i get so annoyed with myself that i keep allowing these feelings of self doubt to creep up on me again.i know it sounds ridiculous but i just cant imagine how a baby that size is able to fit out (sorry if that tmi) i am very scared of everything just being literally torn apart!!its not so much the pain i feel i can cope with pain but the thought of tearing etc fills me with sorry all if thats a bit too much...was trying to put it as pleasantly as possible.

muppetgirl Mon 21-Jul-08 19:13:33

Hi, I was on that thread as one of the women who would have a c-section for my third if I were to have a third. Yes I have had 2 awful births but if I had my time again I would choose to do things differently. I would not be induced unless there was a medical reason to. I was induced beacuse ds was 11 days overdue and then I had an epidural and then I had a long labour and then he got distressed etc etc etc. How much of this was due to intervention? I would go for natural as long as I could. I would want to be at home with a trusted midwife in surroundings I felt safe and secure in. My second was awful due to me having lost all confidence in my body to deliver without help. Ds 2 got stuck but would he have if nature had just been left to take it's course as I had an epidural as I was so scared of a repeat birth of no 1

I would just say be as informed as you can, make your own decisions and make sure your partner knows exactly what you do and don't want. You can do this...your body is amazing! Don't watch scarey birth stories as they are out of context for you now and seem awful. Those women had build ups as you will and, mostly, didn't just get to that stage in 2 mins! Don't listen to any relative or friend tell you their horror stories, you don;t need to hear them.

FeelingDeviant Mon 21-Jul-08 19:15:12

I remember this petrified feeling! It did help when I spoke to a friend of mine who told me to look out the window and look at all the mothers and think they survived, and some have chosen to do it again, so can;t be that bad.

GordonTheGopher Mon 21-Jul-08 19:16:03

One word: EPIDURAL.

You'll be fine.

scorpio1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:16:05

your vagina is made to stretch, and it will! Have you heard of perinal massage? That may help you, only if because you feel better that you have done something to prepare.

If you havent heard of it: use oil on your fingers, insert thumb into vagina backwards (thumbnail facing out) and pull down towards the back, hold whilst it feels a little stingy, then stop. repeat. Try and do it whenever you shower. Helps to prepare it.

Listen to the mw when your baby is crowning - pant when she says, no matter how much you want to push. The feeling to push is so immense you will just want to push so much; you wont feel scared then, you will be acting on instinct.

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:21:08

ooh thanks, ill try the massage thing. feeling deviant....its funny what your friend said as i often look around now and catch myself looking at very young mummys (some look no older than 16) and i wonder did they feel as scraed as i do at 26!!! i mean does this fear/tension thing actually have an impact on our birthing experiences??? or did that new mummy feel just as nervous as i do???

Youcanthaveeverything Mon 21-Jul-08 19:23:17

Givig birh really can be a wonderful experienece.

Start a thread asking for everyones positive birth stories, or do a search, there was a thread like that a few months ago, that had fantastic inspring stories on, that may help you be more positive.

I would recommend hypnobirthing and lots of practise of the relaxing, breathing, imaging and focusing technques before the big day.

This is what really helped me,and although there was obvously pain at my DS's birth, as I was mentally prepared, able to stay calm and controlled I coped with it, and the feelings of going with your body, mentally managing the pain and then the baby being born were the most exhilarting of my life.

Youcanthaveeverything Mon 21-Jul-08 19:29:59

I think your plan of a home water birth with a midwife you have a good relationship with sounds lovely.

The breathing techniques really good help ( I remeber being sceptical about this, how would brathing help with extreme pain?) but it helps you go with your bodies natural flow, of following the waves of contractions in first stage and then giving a pattern to your pushing at second stage.


dinny Mon 21-Jul-08 19:31:17

which thread, Muppetgirl? (about 3rd births..?)

franke Mon 21-Jul-08 19:32:59

It is scary isn't it smile. Keep talking to your midwife - the bond of trust between you will be so important on the day. It's not too late for you to do a bit of antenatal yoga - it is very calming and helps you to focus on your breathing.

I was pretty scared before giving birth for the 3rd time 10 weeks ago. I'm not going to say that it was a breeze, I'm a complete wimp, but I got through it and now I have my beautiful baby boy. Good luck smile

Hannah81 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:33:03

my first labour was long, but even in the middle of a contraction my dh said "no more then after this one?" to which i replied "no i want two". I can honestly say its not that bad!

On DS2, born 11wks ago at home - it was amazing! so much more relaxed than hospital - you can and will do it! If it was that bad then me and billions of other women wouldn't go on to have more.

good luck and enjoy your home birth.

Hannah81 Mon 21-Jul-08 19:36:24

I can also add that i wasn't scared at all with either of my labours - thats what us women were meant to do! relax about it and just know that you can, never mind the how's and why's, just listen to your body, your body will know exactly what to do.

FeelingDeviant Mon 21-Jul-08 19:45:37

Looking back now, being petrified was all part of the adventure.
IMHO knowledge during labour will empower you - that's how I felt anyway.

I found it really hard (was induced), I remember hitting a brick wall, telling DH I wanted to go home and not have the baby! But one of the MWs told me to pull myself together and that I should control the pain, not let the pain control me. For some reason, this made me pull myself together and I went into work mode, as if I was working on a difficult project, making decisions, controlling teh situation, etc. After this, everything became uncomfortable. but not painful - that;s the only way I can describe it.

Oh, and despite the pain/discomfort, it;s the most amazing experience I've ever had DH and I have ever had.

sophiebbb Mon 21-Jul-08 19:48:44

Just written this on another thread:

IMO (and obviously a generalisation) the more relaxed you are about it the better it will be. If you tense up, then your muscles will tense up and your hormones will be all over the place because of your stress and that is more likely to hold you back and cause more complications and pain.

You must RELAX and go with the flow and try and stay calm.

I have given birth twice. The first time I had no idea what was happening to me and got shouted at by the midwives. Ended up having a jab of pethidine that I didn't really need because I was told that I was 2cm when in fact I was 9cm....!

The second time I really relaxed and looked forward to the labour. I am sure that helped. It was very quick and the major pain was only in the last 30 minutes. I swore my way through the last few contractions and thought about meeting my baby all the time. At the end of it I looked at my DH and said "was that it". I felt a bit cheated TBH.

Please relax - it is not bad for everyone.

domesticslattern Mon 21-Jul-08 19:55:38

I found that this hypnosis CD really helped me to look forward to the birth and not to feel petrified. Even if you are not hippy-dippy, it's worth a thought?

Oh, and it is perfectly fine to make DH "fly economy" ie. to ban him from the business end.

In all honesty, worry less about the birth - it ends. It's the first six weeks you need to worry about ! grin

Rolf Mon 21-Jul-08 20:07:23

I second the hypnosis recommendation. It gives you techniques to help you relax, but you must practice. The practicing would help you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, too.


KerryMum Mon 21-Jul-08 20:08:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 20:08:56

oh thanks so much ladies for all your help,its so nice to get such great and honest info.i feel better already may i also ask for any tips on pain relief that worked for you ie tens/water/gas and air experiences.many thanks again x

KerryMum Mon 21-Jul-08 20:10:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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