Discussing the sensations of childbirth

[glasjam]

Hi there didn't know quite what to call this thread - deliberately avoided use of the word "pain" because I know that some women's experience of birth doesn't feel painful - just extremely intense and hard work! I mention my own experience quite graphically so if you don't want to know stop reading now!!

I just ended up having a 2nd CS after going for a Home VBAC. I read every book going on the subject including "Grantly "is it meant to hurt?"Dick Read" Ina May Gaskin's Spiritual Midwifery and Guide to Childbirth, Sheila Kitzinger, Michael Odent (I was going for a waterbirth) and quite a few others. I did Maggie Howell's hypnotherapy for VBAC Cds and prepared myself or so I thought to really go for it. I never once thought that it wouldn't hurt because I thought that that was an unrealistic expectation - I just thought I would be able to go with it and visualise through it and keep positive. I also envisaged a pain coming round my stomach and uterus and maybe round my lower back.

Come the hour though I had a slow and long labour and from the very first sensation I got a shock - the sensation wasn't where I thought it should be - I felt everything in my back-passage - at first I thought I must be constipated and so started glugging down the prune juice - but that didn't alleviate it - all that happened as the labour went on was that these pains came closer and longer but not in a regular fashion -I was on my 3rd nite's lack of sleep when I couldn't take anymore - in over 24hrs I had gone from 4-5cms (and it had taken me over 40 hours to get to 3cms)

Now my baby did end up posterior but wasn't for 80% of the labour - but her head was deflexed and that might have been the case all the way through - could that have caused the sensation I had? I am holding my gorgeous girl in my arms as I write - she's 15 wks old and I just want to say that I enjoyed my labour - I had my partner and a doula we danced around the living room and I had fantastcally supportive midwives - when the pool did nothing for me and I nearly fell off the birthball cos I was nodding off with exhaustion I felt it was my decision to throw in the towel which was very important as a vbac-er.

Months on from the birth I am now thinking was I just a wimp - was this the pain of childbirth that other women get through and cope with and I just couldn't handle it? Or was my pain unusual - do women out there have experience of different labours - one being more painful than others or felt in different places? I have heard some women describe those first contractions as "niggling period- pains" - I never got any of them - it felt full-on painful from the start.

I don't think I could have done anything differently _ I was at home, relaxed, happy, mobile using loads of different positions, birth pool, birth ball and massage and towards the very end gas and air. The only thing I can think of is that I thought at times that "something was wrong" because it felt so odd it never felt like those waves I'd visualised or surges - just accute, stabbing in the back-passage(sorry if this is TMI)- maybe this held me back? I never felt as if the contractions were bringing the baby down. As it was she was deflexed and posterior maybe if I had continued (although I felt I couldn't for another second after 3 days) she would have ended up distressed.

I ended up having a "good" CS - I had that "birth moment" of joy on seeing my little girl and the sweet relief from the pain was ecstasy!! Totally unlike the blind panic and fear of my first emergency CS!

So having had an experience of labour for which I am grateful I would just like to know how other women experienced the sensations? I am also curious as to whether your experiences of period pain resembled your labour sensations in anyway. Personally I have always been lucky on this front never really experiencing much in the way of cramps - although i do often experience the stabbing pain during a bowel movement like the one I had during labour when i have my period.

I'm sorry to have gone on but I am just sooo curious about this issue and thought this would be a good place to ask. Once again I would like to say that although the pain for me personally was too much I am so glad that I went for this homebirth and am glad that I now have at least some experience of the whole labour thang! Thanks.

[PrettyCandles]

It's good that, despite the birth not going as you wished, you're nonetheless satisfied that you had a good experience, and were in control of making your own decisions. In no way were you a wimp, nor do you have to justify yourself for anything that happened. Giving birth is hard work, physically and emotionally.

It's difficult to remember my labours. Somehow the details of the pains fades the moment I hold my newborn. But with my 2nd and 3rd labours, each time they got going I had a sense of "oh yes, that's what it was like", a degree of familiarity that wasn't there the first time. But despite the familiarity, the pains were a little different each time. Certainly nothing like period pains! Though that said, when my periods began again afterwards the cramps reminded me a bit of labour.

I know what you mean about the stabbign pain when pooing during aperiod, but I don't recall having this sensation during labour. Apart from a point during my first labour, when I started unconsciously resisting the pains, rather than going with the flow or asking for active help. But I would describe that as a clenching sensation, rather than a stabbing sensation.

It's so subjective, though.

[Lulumama]

the main thing that comes across from your post is taht you feel positive about the birth, you were empowered and you made the decisions.

the position of your baby and the deflexed head might have made the labour feel different.. pressure on the back passage is quite common in labour,but not always from early on..

a posterior baby can make dilation very slow and of course, your contractions don;t stop ,as you are in labour, so you get exhausted

sounds like you did all the right things to get things moving

you were absolutely not a wimp, you kept going until you could go no more, you stuck it out for days

my VBAC baby was posterior, so i had huge pain in my back and a slow labour, but she turned, whihc took an hour.. and that was very odd.. intense pushing sensation within my abdomen, as she turned herself, i actually felt like she was going to burst out through my belly ! so strange

i think some parts of labour are common to all, and some of us have feelings and sensations that are personal to us and due to how our babies lie and position themselves

you did amazingly!

[inthegutter]

This is a really interesting thread - I also like the way you talk about the sensations of childbirth rather than using the word 'pain' which has totally negative connotations. I have 3 dcs - dc 1 was a straightforward birth in a midwife-led unit with gas and air, dc2 a c-section under epidural, dc3 a VBAC with gas and air.
Having experienced two vaginal births, I'd say that with both, they broadly followed the pattern of starting with cramping, tightening pains, which gradually built up to become more intense. So not totally dissimilar to period pains to start with, though rapidly became much more intense. However, with both labours there wasn't a pattern of just getting progressively worse - I had some huge contractions early on, and although generally the contractions got closer together, they didn't always follow this pattern. Towards the end the pain just seemed to run into a blur. In terms of where the pain was... mainly in my abdomen, and yes I guess sharp stabbing pains would be the best way to describe them, though I also felt pain in my back and thighs. With the VBAC, the pain was more concentrated over the scar area. The end of the first stage and moving into transition was very intense both times, and I felt really sick at this point. The second stage was the part I found most painful - this was very long with dc1. dc3 was a very short second stage as he shot out very quickly. The actual birthing of the head was excruciating (sorry but that's the only way I can describe it) especially as I tore as dc3 shot out. I must add though, that although I couldnt have imagined pain like it before, the actual birthing of the head is very short lived. dc2 as I said was c-section with epidural and therefore painless - although very interesting and strange sensations! But that's a whole other thread!

[meandmy]

wow great thread i had really positive birth too, yes it hurt but not a nasty bad hurt kind of like when you shop for something specific find it but go home with sore swollen feet but what you wanted. i was dreading giving birth i had a waterbirth and i was soo relaxed i was falling asleep i only wish they hadnt taken the gas and air away whilst i was delivering the placenta ow that hurt more than my 8lb 5oz dd

[pigletmaker]

The sensations for me were minor contractions for 4 hrs, every 15 mins. I was then given syncotin which sped them up (and I found out much later, intensified them too).
I coulndn't wait to push and was allowed to start at 9cm.
For me I was quite frustrated after 30 mins of pushing to have had no sense of progress at all (maybe the midwife was just particularaly negative, not really an encouraging type).
All I could think was I had to get him out, and safely and before I completely ran out of energy (I had a mobile epidural which had to be topped up every 90 mins).
In the final 15 mins of pushing I shut my eyes (the midwives were just too annoying to look at by this point) and focused on simply getting him OUT. The pain was pain, but it was more an indicator that I had to get on with what we were there for, each time it happened. Logical really I suppose.
Once he was out I was utterly delighted.
I didn't go in with the expectation of having an "experience" that was positive or negative, just that I had a task to perform with the result that I wanted, a healthy and safely born baby. I didn't care how that happened, just that it did. I knew childbirth wasn't going to be a bundle of laughs and that it was probably going to be hard work and involving some pain - but just got on with that, it is what it is and I had no desire to dress it up as something else or rationalise it into a lovely process. The lovely bit is getting the beautiful baby in my op.

[Joggeroo]

My first labour was a horrible drawn out affair (with a lovely outcome !) where my DS turned backwards and forwards. I remember having little period like pain except in the middle of the early bit when he wasn't back to back. Much of the rest was similar to how you described the sensation. I remember being on the bed on all fours visualising that I had at least a metre of bowel stretched out on the bed behind me,that everyone was too polite to tell me, and I was all psyched up for major reconstructive surgery!!! so intense was it all. I also remember wishing that someone would take me outside and shoot me to put me out of my misery, such was my dispair. Got through it with a 2nd degree tear in the end and no monster pile! Though looking back I can't quite belief I was willing to give it all another go 2 years later.....which was thankfully a totally different experience!

[ib]

My experience of labour sounds completely different. I spent from 3am to 6 pm in pre-labour, contractions every minute or so but felt like braxton hicks, not strong at all.

They then gradually became more intense, but still exactly the same sensation. I had a water birth, but for hours I kept coming out of the pool as it made the contractions too mild and I was worried about not progressing fast enough (my waters had broken at 3 am)

TBH, although I know memory of pain tends to vanish I would say that for me the bigger issue was tiredness - I experienced the whole thing like a particularly intense (and long!) exercise session.

I think I was just very lucky.

[inthegutter]

Joggeroo - interesting isnt it that a lot of us reach that point in labour when you very clearly think 'I'd rather die'. I remember thinking exactly that with dc1 'I can't do this any more, I know I wanted a baby but I'd honestly rather be put out of my misery now!!'. But isn't childbirth a strange thing that even after that, we come back for more!

[ChantillyLace]

My first 2 labours were quick and with very little discomfort. No pain relief, no stitches etc My 3rd labour was short (under 3 hours) but completely different. Still had no pain relief but when labour started(I was dropping off in bed) it made me sit bolt upright with shock! Someone had just gutted me! Then after going downstairs it all settled down and it felt like period cramps. After 20 minutes my waters broke, then baby decided to turn! Felt like she would break through at any moment! Really felt like I couldn't bear the pain any more but you do and she was born under the Christmas tree to Daniel Bedingfield singing 'I gotta get through this'! Very fitting

[keiralou]

What an interesting thread.... I had 2 very different experiences - my first was very long and drawn out. dd was lying posterior - though didn't know this till she had been born. Had loads of pain on back , couldn't remember any period type cramps just immense pain in my back. Ended up on syntocin and needed an epidural and finally delivered by forceps after failed ventouse. Before the forceps came out, I was pushing for ages (well about an hour) and said "Is there any sign of the head?" to which the midwife replied:"It's not like Eastenders you know, babies don't come that quickly!"

Second time round I was induced and once that finally kicked in I do remember pain in abdomen. Can't really recall thetype of pain as, as someone else said, you just can't remember once babs has arrived. I was pushing for just 30mins. Did have pain in my back which had got me panicky as thought it was posterior again, but was told it was because my waters hadn't broken ( they only broke just before pushing).

[jamila169]

This is great! It goes to show how different each birth can be, My first was breech and from the first contraction i thought this isn't right, the contractions seemed to be going upwards and spreading out to the sides - after 14 hours I had just about got to 4cm, but was so knackered i agreed to an epidural and they broke my waters and put synto up. After 3 doses of epi (the local aneasthetic part doesn't take well when you have hypermobility for some reason) I ended up in theatre where after the cs i was told he was transverse - I guess the deeply strange feeling was him working his way round, and he got stuck when all of a sudden somebody pulled the plug out! my next birth was at home and i had the classic period pains with knobs on varying in intensity, the actual birth felt so strange , I felt his head pass through my pelvis and it was the same sort of sensation as pressing your knuckles hard against a damp cloth, but on the inside of my pelvis IYKWIM I don't remeber any pain when he was crowning, was waiting for the 'ring of fire' but there was just a pop and out he came - the pop was a small 2nd degree tear which never bothered me. DD's birth was different again, i actually only felt 5 uncomfortable contractions and the occasional BH like one as she made her way round from right to left by the scenic route - again i felt the knobbly, damp warm sensation as she passed through, but this time I did get the stinging as she was born. I've no idea what the latest passenger is going to do when s/he arrives!
Lisa x

[glasjam]

This has been a fascinating read - thanks for all the nice messages regarding my own labour and birth. It's amazing reading about the difference in sensations - makes me feel a little sad that I won't get a chance to do it again - I've just turned 41 and won't be going for another one! But it's the kind of thread that I would like to read if I was going towards childbirth for the first time.

I think that there is one thing that you can NEVER get across properly to someone who hasn't been there before and that's the whole "you forget it all the instant you have your baby in your arms". I know that didn't register with me at all until it was all over.

Having said that, I have also heard from women who have found the birth really hard work and more of an onslaught than they could imagine who have had to take 5 mins or so after the birth before they are sufficiently capable of holding the baby (and there have been no actual physical obstacles to them holding the baby just an emotional one) - then they were absolutely jubilant and happy - but they had to have that breather just cos of the intensity of it all - basically they were in shock and had to have that time to process exactly what had happened to them.

So I think it is useful to know that even if you are not completely on cloud nine the instant the baby appears (whether you see the head appear or it's held over the green curtain during a CS)it's all part of the same life experience and like everything in life, no two people experience things in exactly the same way.

[tryingtoleave]

This is interesting, because I have also wondered if what I felt was the same as other women (and it seems now that it is different for everyone). I also felt everything in my bum and lower back. Each contraction was a mounting pressure/pain there that culminated in my body going push, pause, PUSH PUSH. That was from 2 cm. It was not at all what I expected and quite frightening (especially the pushing). But maybe it was for the best because I got from 2-10 cm in four hours.

[Bumperlicious]

I had a quick uncomplicated labour but I hated it. It was even the pain, I just hated the feeling of it. The contractions made me feel really sick which I didn't expect. I used gas and air and a tens machine.

A friend told me it was like having a really big poo, but I didn't believe them as I though "wrong hole surely?" but that what it did feel like. I hated the feeling of DD's head in the birth canal. Had 2.5 hours of pushing which was just sooo exhausting I thought I would never be about to do it.

I too thought it couldn't be that bad, as the feelings would be similar to period pains therefore familiar, even if much more intense. But it wasn't like that.

I honestly hated it so much. But my DH thinks I am remembering it wrong because I "coped so well". At the time you just get on with it, but I had flash backs for a long time. DD is 4 months and I hated labour so much I would consider not doing it again. The funny thing was, like the OP I read a few books, Sheila Kitzenger, Janet Balaskas (sp?) and I never worried about it. I believed it would be a positive empowering experience. But it wasn't. And I felt like I wasn't working hard enough as DD took a long time to come out.

You are not a wimp at all. If I do do this again the first thing I will ask is "where's my epidural?"

[Bumperlicious]

wasn't even the pain...

[Lowflyingbat]

Wow - amazing. All power to you women. I did the hypnotherapy thing and was actually looking forward to the birth. It was utterly horrific. I had to be induced and couldn't have an epidural. I do remember the pain. It was intense and insane. I was begging for a c-section and pleading with the lovely young midwife never to get herself in this situation I too had flashbacks for quite a while afterwards. It still gives me shivers when I think about it nearly 5 months on.

[SharpMolarBear]

My pains were like period pains but 100x worse (especially as I don't get particularly bad periods). All in my stomach, tightening and squeezing. The 'back passage' pain came quite late on - that was when I called the hospital and said i wanted to push.

[susie100]

Lowflyingbat how awful for you, I really don't understand why you would be refused an epidural durinf induction. I am quite shocked that it is acceptable to give women a forceps delivery or induce them (with the intense contractions that produces) and deny them pain relief. Barbaric in my opinion. In answer to the op - I had my baby at home and was imagining a very empowering albeit painful experience. 24hrs I was desperate and although I am glad I was home with excellent support and no unecessary intervention I am stil slightlty in shock at the pain, it completely took my breathe away. The weird thing was the worst part of the whole labour and delivery was having stitches afterwards with just gas and air - I found this worse than the whole experience and the reason why I might have the next one (if there is one) in hospital!

[jamila169]

It isn't always possible for everyone to have an epidural Susie, there are some contraindications such as scoliosis and spina bifida,heart or neurological disease, clotting disorders,and skin infections at the site which would make it a no no,So ,say if you had twisted spine, and your baby had a problem that meant it was better off out than in - you'd have a choice of induction without epidural (can be done and is by loads of women) or CS under general anaesthetic which is a great deal more risky than going without an epidural!
Lisa x

[Philomytha]

Oh, this is an interesting topic. My DS was posterior for some time during labour, though he turned around at the end, but I didn't experience anything like what you described. I can't really describe the labour contractions - words like intense, cumulative, mountain-like come to mind. They had a definite shape to them - one would start, and build up, peak and fade away, and because I always knew what to expect I could cope with it. It was like being squeezed really hard around my middle.

In the second stage the contractions were totally different. They weren't painful at all, but they were totally exhausting. The closest I can get to describing them is to imagine you're trying to unscrew a jamjar lid that's really, really stuck, and you put all your weight behind turning the lid and it doesn't budge, and you try again and again. I had a ventouse delivery in the end, so I guess maybe DS really was a bit stuck and that was why it felt so weird.

[empen]

I can say that I was so shocked at the pain. I honestly believed that as I have, what i would consider, a high pain threshold I would be able to deal with it. I was induced and apparently this makes the contractions more intense but I can honestly say I have nver felt pain like it.
I tend to get my period pain in my lower back and all my pain during labour was in same area. As I was induced I was laying down on the bed with monitors on so was not able to move around and obviously as I was lying on my back I felt this made it worse.
I used to have a coil fitted but it used to give me a dead leg (unexplained side effect) but found had same dead leg during labour.

[inthegutter]

empen you've hit the nail on the head. I don't think anything can 100% prepare you for what the pain feels like. I DO believe there's a lot that you can do to mentally put yourself in a better place to cope with it. My NCT classes before dc1 were excellent, and the breathing techniques helped me to relax and not fight the contractions. I also found getting to know the midwives at my local unit before the birth was immensely helpful. My personal feeling (and I know there may be others who disagree) is that the whole area of EMPOWERING women to find different methods of coping with the pain is often under rated. There's too much emphasis on methods of shutting off the pain - drugs/epidural etc when actually the opposite can sometimes be more helpful. The best piece of advice before my first birth came from an elderly friend of mine who told me 'You'll feel pain that you didn't know existed and it'll be the hardest thing you ever do, but it'll also be your biggest achievement And remember that generations of women have been there before you!'

[nappiesLaGore]

were you just a wimp?? are you kidding?? you sound like a bloody tank to me! (i do actually mean that in a complimentary way)

my own labours were intense but the pain/sensations were completely maneagable because it all happens as it was supposed to, only faster. and easier. theres no way id have languished in agony hour after hour - i actually asked for an epidural after about 4 and a half hours (forst labour) ... but was laughed at (still grr) as it was only 2 more pushes and he was out. the other 2 births were even easier and much faster. all in water. no tearing.

im tellin ya, its great to say all that, great that i didnt need pain releif, and im seriously grateful to my body for working so well in that capacity... but why oh why we should feel bad for it not going that way... beyond me.

i think your birth sounds fantastic, brave, dignified and wholesome.

[glasjam]

Thanks so much nappiesgalore and everyone else for sharing their experiences and for the kind and supportive words.

I distinctly remember trying to really mentally prepare myself for one of those long "pre" labours - I'd read about them and thought "ah, it's just a question of not getting too excited and pacing yourself..." I thought that if that happened to me I would be able to rest up but whoa... when I was there and it went on and on and midwives occasionally mentioned "discordinate (sp?) contractions I just thought enuf - this is just not fair - I tried to remember that every contraction was doing something but as far as I was concerned they weren't doing enough apart from launching me into orbit. I like to think that if these sensations had been over in 12 hours then I would have coped - who knows. - but the length of time they went on for just took the biscuit.

Anyway - I hope this thread continues because it is really fascinating - so many different descriptions of what we've been through