Following on from the no disrespect and best of intention thread, did you ever feel undermined for having for an epidural?

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

I had an epidural on both my dd 21 and ds 6. I had no qualms about having it on either of them but remember someone remarking after dd that I must have sailed through my labour. Apart from the fact that I wasn't given it until an hour before I gave birth, so didn't really have the full benefit of it, I'm just wondering is it actually thought by some that because you opt for an epidural that you don't feel pain?

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

Oh well that went down like a lead baloon!

[ToadieG1]

I assumed you wouldn't feel anything having an epidural, I never had one so didn't know from experience.

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

Aha, you see, well thanks for your honesty but trust me even on ds the pain in my lower spine was horrific. Granted the actual birthing bit wasn't so bad but I certainly didn't have a pain free labour.

[dirtmonkey]

I firmly believe that "competitive birthing" does exist, however vile a concept this may be. It is very common for people to think that if you had an epidural then you obviously had it as soon as you got through the door of the hospital then spent a couple of hours with your feet up reading OK magazine & eating chocs. Only to be taken by surprise when a smiling midwife plops a perfect newborn onto your chest while you're in the middle of reapplying your lipstick.

The emails sent by colleagues' DHs when they have a dc are always full of boasts & bragging about how little pain relief their DW's needed. Awful phrases like "so proud of her, she used gas and air only". Well I had induction, the drug to speed things up (can never remember the name) epidural & finally an emergency section. My DH is obviously not at all proud of me .

[berolina]

I had an epidural with ds1 at 3cm after 2 days of painful contractions. An hour later I was fully dilated. (It all went a bit pear-shaped after that, mind you). But immediately after the anaesthetist had put it in I wailed 'I'm a failure' .
It did actually shut off all pain, but didn't make the birth easier as such. I missed the feeling of literally 'labouring', working, that the contractions had given me.
ds2 no pain relief at all. The birth was very quick and the contractions that got me to 9cm much less painful (for me) than the ones that got me to just 3cm with ds1. So much so that I hopped on the bus to hospital an hour before he was born, assuming I'd be about 5-6cm at the very most.
Nobody's actually ever undermined or criticised me for having an epidural, but I did really want to have ds2 without. It really all depends on what kind of birth it is, though. Now after the relatively easy experience of ds2 I look more charitably on my having had it with ds1.

[doggiesayswoof]

The whole thing is bollocks (competitive birthing I mean). Who cares what anyone else does? If a 'natural' birth is important to you and you achieve it, then great. It's such a personal thing, and I personally saw no virtue in being in (more) pain when there was such a thing as effective pain relief. I didn't plan to have an epidural but I had one in the end - also diamorpine, gas and air, constant foetal monitoring, and an antibiotic drip because my waters had broken 24 hours previously.

All this 'medicalisation' reassured me no end. I loved my epidural! When it kicked in it was fantastic, and it controlled the pain enough to allow me to focus on what I was trying to do. I am not ashamed to admit that I was not coping with the pain at all.

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

Goodness Dirtmonkey and berolina your experiences sound terrible. I did feel a bit miffed by that comment all those years back but when having ds decided, well to hell with this, it's me that has to go through this and I'll take all the pain relief going regardless of what others think.

[doggiesayswoof]

berolina I don't know if my epidural was a fancy new-fangled one (mobile epidural maybe?), but I could push and feel my contractions even after it had taken effect. It basically allowed me to have that feeling of 'labouring' but without most of the pain, so IKWYM.

[fortunecookie]

Sort of. By my sister, of all people, who smugly told me she gave birth on a yoga mat.(Blows raspberry)

[doggiesayswoof]

mhummy I think it is strange when people do that 'oh your labour must have been a breeze' - I had this a couple of times and I always used to reply 'why do you think I asked for the epidural in the first place? - oh that's right - because it was all so easy'

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

Interesting doggie, on dd 21 although my epidural was given quite late into the labour, it didn't wear off until the following day, whereas with ds 6 it was a much lower dose that was topped up once. I don't know what caused it but at one stage, I felt like a football team was dancing on y spine.

[doggiesayswoof]

fortunecookie, what a waste of a good yoga mat (assume it went straight in the bin...)

[fortunecookie]

Too right, doggiesaywoof!

[doggiesayswoof]

Mhummy iirc they told me there was a risk of back pain - but I thought they meant afterwards and not during! I was lucky enough to avoid that, sounds nasty.

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

Ok fortunecookie, confession time here, it was my sister too that made the comment but I was too to type it here, so sis, 21 years later here's one for you too! Ah that felt good!

What is all the competitiveness about though?

[ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween]

Some people take a paracetamol for a headache, some take extra-strength paracetamol and codeine, some take nothing.

It's no different.

[ToadieG1]

My labours have all been fast, probably too quick for an epidural really so who knows if I'd have had one had they been longer. They were very intense but my last two had long pushing stages.

With ds2 it was fast and scary as his heartrate dipped (because it was going so fast they said) and they tried to put a clip on his head. After the 5th or so attempt they gave up but that was excruciating for me an I found it really hard to cope.

I don't think any less of anyone that has an epidural however and don't feel competitive about giving birth at all. I was close to needing a c-section with both my last two because of the dipping heartrate. With ds2 there was the senior consultant, consultant, 2 midwifes, 2 student midvies and 2 other doctors in the room when I had him.

[doggiesayswoof]

Actually this is good

Zoe Williams on labour

[ToadieG1]

Oh and I have a real fear of needles so I was put off the epidural for that reason to start with anyway. Even having weekly blood tests with ds2 from 5 months didn't cure it, my waters broke at 21/22 weeks and I was on bedrest from then on.

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

True soupy but it does fairly grate when some people assume that because you've had extra pain relief that you have felt nothing.

[doggiesayswoof]

ADragonis4Life I agree with you on that one. I do know some people (my dad for instance) who are competitive about taking painkillers too - they see it as a failure, so I suppose it's a similar thought process.

My dad wouldn't take his painkillers after having both knees replaced

[ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween]

Thing is, I am proud that I managed on gas and air alone. Simply from the point of view that it's what I wanted (or rather not having what I didn't want IYSWIM) and I managed it. Not from a I'm-better-than-you point of view.

I was under the impression that a classic epidural was meant to make you feel nothing though, although it doesn't always work.

[fortunecookie]

Neither would my dh consider painkillers - until he got bleeding piles!

[TheCurseOfTheMhummy]

Goodness toadie, where there any complications afterwards?

[fortunecookie]

And dearest dh swooned when he saw them put the needle in my back - he had to be wheeled out! (snigger)