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Normal to feel so scared about giving birth to no2 ??

(23 Posts)
vannah Sun 16-Sep-07 13:55:44

I certainly never felt worried about labour with my first baby, was smugly thinking I'd be fine what with all the yoga and knowledge I had about being 'active'.
HA! the actual labour was awful, so very long, I was bowled over in agony having horrendous contractions every 3 minutes only to be told I was only 1cm dilated!!

I ended up with an epidural and drip to be induced but it was all so so slow.

I told my doctor at the hospital about my fears last week and she simply said not to worry, second babies always pop out in minutes because Im all stretched out from the first...

something tells me she was just passifying me... ANy stories or advice to offer?
thankyou all

lulumama Sun 16-Sep-07 14:01:24

it is so annoying when your fears and worries are dismissed. do you know if your first baby was back to back / OP ? that can make a labour much slower and give you strong contractions with little dilation... you can have a look at optimal foetal positioning, which gives you ideas on how to get baby lined up into a good position for birth. and has good tips for moving a badly positioned baby in labour.

your best bet is a mobile, active labour, where you can listen to your body

yes , second labours should be quicker as you know more of what to expect, and your body will remember having done it before.

BUT, if you are fearful and holding onto a bad birth, the fear and anxiety can slow things down and that tension can also make for a slower more painful labour.

so the best thing to do is to talk it through and tell yourself this time can and will be different.

you could try strong , positive visualisations of the birth, to get a good picture in your mind as to how you wnat things to go, as the state of mind you are in can have a really big bearing on how labour goes.

you might want to look at hypnobirthing, a lot of women swear by that for a relaxed labour

can you consider a home birth? being in your own environment , eating and drinking as you need to, mobilising and vocalising as you need to , can have a really positive impact on labour.

or hiring a doula, for home or hospital birth, to support you before, during and after the birth?

my first birth was a failed induction ending in em c.s, my second was a spontaneous labour ending in an intervention free vaginal delivery. so very , very different.

lulumama Sun 16-Sep-07 14:02:03

homebirth site and a link to optimal foetal positioning.

knickerelasticjones Sun 16-Sep-07 19:12:29

Hi Vannah - read your post and your first birth sounds VERY similar to mine.

Like you I'd done yoga, knew all about active birth so had no worries before labour - in the end I had an epidural and a forceps delivery with a whacking great episiotomy - ow!

But hopefully my second birth experience will give you reassurance that your doctor wasn't making it all up.

For baby No2 I had a very easy homebirth - a world away from my first experience. From first twinge to the baby being born only took 3 hours and the only pain relief I used was a tens machine. Obviously I was very lucky (I know that not everybody has such an easy time of it with their second birth) but of all my friends who have two or more children the vast vast majority said the second birth was much easier.

If it helps, I think the biggest difference was that I knew what labour was like, so when the contractions came I wasnt scarecd of what was going to happen ( even though they did still hurt!)

I think its totally normal to be scared of giving birth to number 2 - particularly after your first experience - but hopefully this will put your mind at rest that your doctor isn't just trying to placate you, it really is often easier second time. But if you are still worried, do make sure you go back to your doctor or midwife and let them know.

Good luck!

spugs Mon 17-Sep-07 13:22:52

i found my first birth fairly horrible, prob as i had no idea what to expect and pushing took a long time. my second was nothing like it, much quicker and easier. i found the pain much easier to deal with and you remember a lot from the last time so feel less panicky as you know whats happening. i was also lucky to have a fab midwife (hospital birth) who kept me very active and was very hands off.
my labour overall was the same length of time but after the first time when i was in hospital 9 hrs before she was born as i felt i couldnt manage, the second time i was only in 1hr 3/4. only pushed for 2mins rather then 1 1/2 hours and no tears.
hope this helps

vnmum Mon 17-Sep-07 13:33:24

i am also getting scared of giving birth to number 2. i was induced with DS1 and after nothing really happening i suddenly had really painful contractions but was only 1 cm. i had pethidene which didnt do anything, then had to wait till i was 2cm before i could have an epidural. i had tears streaming down my face. i then needed an oxytocin drip and went into shock a couple of times(very shaky and weak)and ended up with an episiotomy. i had hoped for an active birth using a pool so thisntime round im very apprehensive of whats going to happen.

i keep thinking do i try being active or do i just ask for the epidural as soon as i can have it. ive also been told that second labours are quicker and easier and especially as i had a big baby last time but i can still remember the pain.

anyway ive rambled abit but glad you started this thread and just to let you know you are notalone in your fears

vannah Mon 17-Sep-07 20:25:16

thankyou for your encouraging stories everyone, what a relief to read that. Lulumama Im looking into hiring a doula but not sure if would crowd the room with my husband there too.

marjean Mon 17-Sep-07 21:19:32

I'm currently four months away from birth of no. 2 and just wanted to say that I have the jitters even though no. 1 went well (planned home birth, 15-hour labour, small tear, no subsequent problems). In fact, I loved the birth of no.1 and would change nothing about it but am (inexplicably)feeling very shaky about repeating the experience. Closer to the edd, I'm going to be referring back to my natal hypnotherapy cds and continuing my relaxation and yoga classes. These might be helpful to others too?

loopyredangel Wed 19-Sep-07 13:48:25

I am extremely anxious about my second birth. It doesn't help that my consultant said a few things that have got me worried sick about not making it through the birth, he told me this at my 20 week appointment, so you can imagine the rest of my pregnancy feels like I am under a very heavy cloud, I have got just over 7 weeks to go now, and getting more and more anxious, have even written letters to my hubby and 2 year old if I don't make it!!! Stupid I know, but my consultant has put this massive fear in to my hormonal mind!!!!

lulumama Wed 19-Sep-07 13:49:24

loopy...that does not sound good. sorry you are so scared.. can you get some reassurance or more explanations from your obs or mw, or get a second opinion?

loopyredangel Wed 19-Sep-07 14:13:09

hiya lulu, it's me the one with the dodgy pelvis, I was advised my my pain clinic consultant to have a c-section because of the damage I have to my pelvis, but my consultant was a prat and very blunt with the truth that he didn't want to see my husband in court if anything went wrong and I died!!!! Silly I know to have this fear now, and I am wondering whether or not to have a natural childbirth and run the risk of further damage to my pelvis. I could not get past 5cm last time and had to have an emergency csection after 29.5 labour. Just don't know what to do for the best now. Have changed my consultant, but the seed has been planted by the other one now!

lulumama Wed 19-Sep-07 14:14:29

i remember, he offered to cut your pelvic ligaments, didn;t he! <<thud>>

am so sorry your second opinion has not been helpful .

you could look for a different hospital maybe, or see the head of midwifery / consultant midwife where you are, and find out their views

lulumama Wed 19-Sep-07 14:15:14

and you're not being silly

do you think an elective c.s might be your best bet?

if not, then definitely worth getting more opinions.

bohemianbint Wed 19-Sep-07 14:19:10

I can't recommend HypnoBirthing highly enough, I was so phobic about childbirth before I had my first one but had a fab homebirth after HB sessions. When are you due?

loopyredangel Wed 19-Sep-07 14:46:29

not sure what is the best option now? I also had heavy scar tisdsue on my cervix and wondered if that had anything to do with my failure to progress first time around, my DS head still has a lump on it where he was trying to push down!

loopyredangel Wed 19-Sep-07 14:48:25

my midwifery team agree with my pain clinic consultant - that a cs is the best option, and yes lulu, that was the consultant who said about cutting me in two- must think I want to be a magician's assistant!

expatinscotland Wed 19-Sep-07 14:54:31

yes, totally normal.

i had a forceps delivery after agonising 24 hour labour with my first so i was mega scared.

dd2 was born 26 minutes after arrival at hospital - about 3 hours after the first contraction.

lulumama Wed 19-Sep-07 16:15:29

do you know what the scar tissue is from? injury or damage or an op on the cervix can affect dilation....

you could still try a VBAC, but be prepared for another just don;t know how things will go, i was told that i was just one of those women who did not dilate, but my cervix dilated just fine 2nd time around , and looking back on it, there were a myriad of reasons for my failure to progress.

but no scar tissue to contend with

Charlee Wed 19-Sep-07 16:26:29

yes totally normal, i had panick attacks with ds2 through the th ds1 i didn;t even think about it. I to had a difficu1st laburbt with ds2 i didn't need any pain relie and he came out easily with no problems.

loopyredangel Wed 19-Sep-07 20:39:45

lulu, noinjury or damage or operation to my cervix, wondered if it's because my pelvis quite damaged and that affected my cervix in some way, just clutching at straws really.

lulumama Wed 19-Sep-07 20:41:54

the pelvis is the bony structure, and your cervix is part of the muscular uterus. obviously i am not a medical profesional, and no doubt there are ways that damage to the pelvis can affect childbirth, maybe not in relation to dilation though? tis a conundrum

ledodgy Wed 19-Sep-07 20:47:22

Your first birth sounds identical to mine but my second was completley different - 40 mins from start to finish. I'm due to give birth again at the beginning of January and am much more frightened this time round now I know what the pain feels like without pain relief!

toadstool Thu 20-Sep-07 14:22:11

My first labour wasn't fun (syntocin [sp.]induction, epidural, ventouse) and lasted 11 hours. I was v nervous about 2nd labour for that and other reasons, but it was completely different (and this is with a 5 year age gap) - 5 hours start to finish, and I managed without pain relief. Very straightforward. I would hazard a guess that having used a very basic hypnobirthing CD helped - I listened to it in the first part of this labour - as I went in thinking we still had hours to go and in fact I was 8 cm dilated! I drank raspberry leaf tea too, who knows, maybe it helped.

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