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Advice on how to talk to friend who has just been through horrific birth and was due same time as me?

(3 Posts)
Rafaroo Tue 03-Mar-20 11:08:56

Hello All

Myself and my very close friend were due to have our babies just 6 days apart. Unfortunately, her waters broke last week at 35 weeks and she had the baby early. Cut a long story short, the birth was extremely traumatic. The baby had his cord around his neck several times and was born not breathing. After quite a while they were able to revive him, but his brain was starved of oxygen and now no one is clear on what the extent of the brain damage is. On top of that my friend had a physically awful time herself too, and nearly bled out having in total 4 blood tranfusions. She and her hubby are of course completely distraught and the wider family is devasted too.

We have spoken via facetime on two occasions and I am just trying to let her talk. I don't know what to say though and I feel so twisted inside because my own baby is due shortly and I don't want to discuss my birth/baby after her very traumatic one. We have so far shared our pregnancies together but now I just don't know what to say. I am really at a loss for words and I feel bad because she obviously knows that I am praying I don't end up in that situation.

Anyone have any advice on what I can say or how I can comfort her? I really want to be there for her but just feel so helpless.

Thanks

OP’s posts: |
Midlifebaby Wed 04-Mar-20 21:38:04

Hi @Rafaroo you sound like a really caring and compassionate friend. I imagine your friend will appreciate knowing you are “there for her” she may lean on others right now and that’s understandable x

mimimonster123 Wed 04-Mar-20 21:53:22

I think it's going to be extremely hard for your friend if you have a 'straightforward birth' (eventhough that's what she and everyone else would want for you, and she'd never ever wish a traumatic birth on you etc)
She may pull away or she may stay close to you
I think you need to just let her decide how much contact she has with you for a while
Just let her know you are there for her, and by the sounds of it you are a wonderful friend so i hope she can turn to you for support! But if she struggles then I'm sure you will understand and give her the time she needs
What a horrible situation! I really wish her and her little baby the best

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