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Visitors who travel to see newborn(16 Posts)
I know there are a few posts similar to this one but our circumstances are slightly different and I’m keen to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
We’re due to have our first baby in a few months. My parents live 3 hours away and are already asking about visiting once the baby arrives. The issue is that we live in a 1 bed flat and my parents are very intense. My dad had a stroke a few years ago and he can be a handful to manage. He can be a bit like a toddler himself and won’t understand/respect boundaries. If they lived closer I could deal with them ‘popping in’ for short periods but this isn’t as easy when they are travelling so far (by train too). I feel like I’d be babysitting my parents as well as a newborn and living in a small property means I can’t get some space if needed.
As it’s my first I’m already stressed about adjusting to life as a parent. Most of my friends found it really tough and I don’t want additional stress but also appreciate that my parents will want to meet their new grandchild. My OHs parents also live far away but are less likely to put pressure on to see the baby until we’re ready.
Any suggestions about how to handle the situation?
Is your mum easier to handle? Talk to her about not having the physical or mental space for guests in the newborn phase.
We were the same distance away and no visitors came for over 2 hours. They mostly came down, dropped in to see us and either went straight home or stopped in a hotel
If you're in a 1 bed I would put them up in a B&B nearby.
My parents are 2 hours away and came for an afternoon at end of first week
ILs (4hours awww) came after about a month (delayed due to various things) so we did let them stay the night otherwise they were going to stay in local hotel
P.s. My mum also lives 3 hours away and regularly does day visits.
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I think it's reasonable your parents want to visit you and the baby, they'll probably want to do it fairly regularly too. Be assertive from the start that they can visit but not stay, it may cause initial upset but just be honest with them.
definitely don't let them stay. You might be fine and want lots of visitors, or you might want your own space. You won't know before hand and the only way you can prepare for not wanting them there is to never plan to have them stay. Hopefully they will understand you don't want overnight visitors so soon after giving birth.
Surely they understand that they cannot stay with you? They'd be crazy if they did!!
That way you have space to retreat when you need it.
All of DH's family live 3 hours + away and although I absolutely love them it is really not great hosting with a newborn. We had a stream of guests staying with us for 2 weeks after DD1 was born and it was bloody awful, even though IL's are really helpful and amazing, you need the time to relax, unfortunately, I am a massive people pleaser and I did the same with DD2 and had quite bad PNA which wasn't nice having to be so down with everyone around.
I would suggest a hotel and explain why, it's rough enough with a new born, never mind having o look after other people xxx
Thanks for the tips everyone. I think they’d be ok with staying in a hotel. It’s more that I think they’d be less understanding about just seeing us for an hour or two at a time after travelling so far. They’re in their 70s and 80s and aren’t the most confident getting out and about in a new city to keep themselves occupied the rest of the time. I think I probably need a frank chat with my mum who’s a little more understanding but I suspect it won’t go down all that well.
You're having a baby, your priority is going to be yourself and the baby.
I advise you to look up one or two nearby accommodation options and share them with your parents, you can do it in an assertive and positive way, say that you're anticipating things being a bit overwhelming and you're sure everyone will appreciate their own space (including your parents being able to have an undisturbed night's sleep).
If possible you could try and find a studio apartment or something with basic kitchen facilities (rather than just a hotel room) so they can be a bit self sufficient and won't just go there to sleep and turn up at your house all day long wanting to be fed!
Ahh trust me it's easy to get visitors to fuck off when you've got a newborn, just say "the baby needs feeding/a nap" so we're going to go lie down in the bedroom. Thanks for coming round" and then just leave
My parents came to stay for three weeks when my baby was one week old and DH had gone back to work. Tbh I was very happy to have my mum there as it was nice to have someone to chat to while I was feeding the baby plus she held her so that I could have some really good naps. I could have done without my dad there but they come as a package so I just had to put up with it.
I should add though my parents are quite a bit younger and have no health issues. My dad spent most of the time working and my mum is happy to sit and read for hours. I sort of expected they'd go out and do some touristy things but they never did.
My parents and In laws got a hotel. They may surprise you, as mine did by suggesting it themselves
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