Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.
This is a Premium feature
Pregnant and bad tokophobia(7 Posts)
I’m 6 weeks pregnant and think I have Tokophobia. So far I haven’t enjoyed pregnancy, i’m 30 and my bf is a lot older so I thought it might never happen when we started trying but it took 3 days to get pregnant lol I wasn’t really prepared! My booking in appt is in 2 weeks but I am constantly worrying, googling things, thinking I’ll have a MMC or molar pregnancy or the baby will be disabled. I have a condition which makes me produce too much cortisol which I don’t think helps things.
I have major issues with childbirth as I think vaginal birth in itself is vile and I have never wanted it - I have always wanted an elective section. Nothing about birth appeals to me and I don’t see it as an achievement. I have always said I’d rather have a GA and miss the birth then go through with it which is bad but you get the idea.
Not to mention shoulder dystocia, episiotomies, tears etc, and at the end of the day what happens if you can’t get a baby out the ‘natural’ way? Section. I’m not an idiot either I have worked as a neonatal nurse so I have some experience with the whole area, unfortunately I saw a lot of what should have been healthy term babies die after birth because of brain damage from a vaginal birth.
I feel at my booking in appointment my midwife is going to have her work cut out. I know NICE guidelines say I am able to be offered one, my main issue is if I don’t as no doubt in my mind I will be permanently stressed throughout the pregnancy and no doubt at risk of PND. I’m fed up of always worrying but feel like a freak because everyone else thinks differently. I want to enjoy my pregnancy and look forward to it but right now I struggle to stay positive and it’s spoiling things for my OH.
I really didn't want to be aware of the birth, would rather have had GA and been blissfully unaware. As it happens, both births have been fine... the G&A meant I don't actually remember anyway as it totally sent me off with the fairies.
Definitely speak to your midwife though. I had Hyperemesis and because of how severe it was, I had a feeling I'd develop PND... which I did. Better to let her know of all your thoughts (and at some point during your visits she should ask you how you feel anyway from what I remember). You may be referred to a specialist MH midwife like I was this pregnancy to help with your feelings.
Aibu I cooked for my in laws and my Mother in law didn’t eat any of the food I had spent ages preparing! My cooking isn’t bad, I’ve cooked for loads of people and they have said I cook really well! Aibu to be upset especially as I was trying to juggle a 9 month old and major dietary requirements!
Hi OP, firstly I would suggest you speak to your GP or your midwife. It sounds like you could do with some help to manage how you're feeling (and I don't mean drugs necessarily!). Tokophobia is real - these are not irrational concerns! If you're on Facebook, there are a couple of groups on there (private ones) where fellow tokophobes offer support to each other. You are not a freak and you are not alone!
I am 30 weeks now myself with tokophobia. Everyone is slightly different, but I've found that reading up on the subject has helped immensely - medical situations stress me out but I am now in a position whereby I do feel like I might be able to have a physiological birth (positive birth book, hypnobirthing and the positive birth company digital pack). I'm still booked in to speak to someone about an ELCS in a few weeks' time - I don't yet know for sure what I will ultimately choose. Don't feel awful about wanting a GA though - that thought has also crossed my mind! If you know you definitely want one though it is best to mention it early (I brought it up at my 25 week appointment - a friend of mine brought it up at booking and had it agreed much earlier). The other thing you might want to do is look into Doulas - I'm feeling a lot calmer about it (either option) now I know I have another person in my side who knows what the system is like.
One last thought, there's a blogger called Forever Amber who had an ELCS due to tokophobia and medical anxiety and kept a pregnancy diary about it all. Definitely worth looking her up. Feel free to DM me if you'd like to too.
Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you all the very best for your pregnancy, birth and that you and your baby are healthy.
I don't think I have tokophobia, but I do have Emetophobia that I am currently undergoing CBT for. I am now 25+2 weeks pregnant with my first baby and in the early days of my pregnancy I was suffering with anxiety in case I was sick. I didn't want to go anywhere, didn't want to feel happy in case I ended up sick, even though our baby was planned.
Having a planned c section is something that I have considered as my fear now is being sick in labour. I know I may not be or feel sick, but it's the fear of it. I have not discussed it with my midwife yet (my next appointment is a week on Wednesday) but all I have said so far is give me a load of anti-emetics due to Emetophobia. I am scared of the pain relief in case a side effect is nausea and/or vomiting, and I am scared of having no pain relief in case the pain gives me nausea and/or vomiting. I am scared and embarrassed to ask, which I know I shouldn't be and I would be the first to tell others to voice their concerns and not be embarrassed.
I know you can have the choice to have a c section but I do feel that they will try and discourage it unless there is a medical reason.
I would discuss it at your midwife appointment. I did ask mine on my second appointment when birth would be discussed and she said much later on (I can't remember when) but I plan to ask to speak to someone about my concerns when I have my next appointment so I am not leaving it too late. The earlier you mention your concerns the better. Also if your pregnancy notes are on the app like mine, rather than on paper there is a section you can write birth notes yourself. Write everything on there. Mine at the moment just says due to Emetophobia please give me anti-emetics. No one has discussed this with me yet or acknowledged that it is there, but I know it's there.
All the very best.
Please speak to your midwife. There maybe a maternal mental health liaison service (or something similar) near you, where you can get the support you need. In my experience midwives aren't all that good with mental health issues (which, to be fair they aren't trained for), although some areas are training midwives up to be more aware. CBT is great for tokophobia. Good luck getting the help and support you need.
Yes, CBT is a good move. Yes, it might not be for everyone but it is certainly worth a try. The day after I confirmed my pregnancy I got in touch with the doctors to inform them I was pregnant (I had my first very faint positive on Easter Sunday and confirmed Easter Monday so couldn't contact the doctors earlier due to it being a bank holiday). Called the doctors around 8.30-9am ish, said I had some concerns to discuss and they got me in to see a doctor by about 11am, got given a number to call for self referral for the counselling team for our area (Talking Therapies), called them the next day, had a telephone consultation within a week and was in for appointments within about 2 weeks (you get pushed to the front of the waiting list being pregnant, along with other reasons such as being in the armed forces and post traumatic stress). Your GP should be able to advise you for your area.
Please login first.