Should I be feeling traumatised?

[cloudymelonade]

So long story short, I gave birth on Sunday morning to a beautiful baby girl.

Birth didn't quite go to plan and both of our lives were in danger. I lost a lot of blood and had to endure most of the textbook 'traumatic birth' stuff - episiotomy, forceps, blood transfusion etc.

Since the birth, I've obviously been monitored closely but I feel like literally every five minutes, someone is asking me if I'm feeling sad or stressed or overwhelmed and I've been referred for PTSD counselling.

But the thing is.... I'm fine. I remember 90% of what happened and I'm pretty fine with it. I'm quite a focussed and practical person and I tend to be good in an emergency situation. DH seems a lot more affected by the experience than me.

Has anyone else been through this and just been fine or should I expect it to hit me unexpectedly in a few days? At the moment I can't really picture feeling anything other than just relief that she is here and is okay.

[Topseyt]

I went through much of that with DD1, who is now 23.

I think I was a little bit shell shocked for a while afterwards, but I just accepted it really. It faded into the background and I was and am fine with it. It is part and parcel of who I am and what happened to me along the way.

[Foxmuffin]

I have just gone through the same. Baby is a month old. I feel less and less ok with it as the days go on. I am left with a third degree tear and episiotomy. I feel like I shouldn’t have anymore children for fear of never recovering downstairs.
I’m glad you’re doing so well and hope that continues for you.

[smaller14]

Sorry to hear of your experience OP. I am now 17 weeks PP and had very traumatic birth. Went from calm to needing general anesthetic c-section in 6 mins. Complete loss of control meant I awoke groggy and confused 2 hours later to be told I had a little boy. I really struggled in the few weeks after but actually feel fine now and thankfully no lasting MH issues. Midwives all expecting PTSD also but I think just talking about it and being aware of my own feelings helped. Have gone from thinking I could never put myself through that again to now wanting another child! Time can be a great healer. Don't waste your energy on worrying how you 'should' be feeling and just enjoy your time with your baby.

[chipperchop]

Sorry to hear of your experience

I went through similar with DC1 and didn’t suffer any negative emotional affect... which I found quite odd as I have a history of depression and anxiety. The only thing was about 3 weeks PP, I remember suddenly looking at DH and saying (quite calmly!) “the birth was actually really quite traumatic!”, then I had a 5 minute cry and that was that. Even with all the subsequent surgery and treatment to try and sort out all the damage.

I’m now pg with DC2 and aiming for a natural vaginal delivery. I’ve experienced some (unrelated) antenatal depression this time around and when I mentioned to my therapist what happened in my last birth, she was shocked that I “don’t seem to be traumatised at all!”

Things affect people in different ways. Just because some people will have experienced PTSD/whatever from similar events, doesn’t mean that’s how you “should” feel.

Congratulations on your baby!

[Seniorschoolmum]

Congratulations.
I had the same sort of labour/ birth with ds and there was a psychiatric nurse who kept flirting in and seemed to expect me to fall apart, but really I was tired and just wanted to sleep.
I had a weepy week when ds was about 4 months old, but otherwise, I was fine.

[babyworry2018]

Congratulations. My birth didn't go to plan and I had an episiotomy and third degree tear but nothing imminently life threatening- there was an urgent need to get the baby out quickly but nothing too traumatic actually happened. I expected I would be more distressed by the tear but I really wasn't. I am still having physio six months on but I trust the team working with me and from the start they've made sure I've had no pain so I really don't think my birth experience was a bad one even though if I saw what actually happened written down beforehand I would have been horrified.

My anecdotal experience from talking with friends is that how traumatic women find childbirth afterwards is hugely linked to how they felt during the process and the physical effects afterwards- if they felt respected by their medical team and had faith in them all the way through, and if they ultimately healed ok then they tend to fare better.

I have a friend who I think is suffering from PTSD after her birth: while a number of quite scary things happened the main thing for her was she ended up having a huge number of different midwives due to shift changes, felt almost all of them were dismissive, felt they were trying to override her decisions and that things were being missed. She spent much of her labour feeling if she didn't advocate for her and her baby they might both die. I have another friend who on paper had a 'worse' birth in terms of risk and what happened- similar to yours a lot of blood was lost and both her and baby were at real risk for a while- but actually she felt she was supported by and had faith in the midwives and doctors at all times and has recovered emotionally and physically really well.

Be kind to yourself and don't judge your reactions as right or wrong. After my tear they kept offering me painkillers and asking me about it but I honestly had no pain, people are all different and it's important they offer the support but it doesn't automatically mean you'll need it.

[PhoenixBuchanan]

I'd agree with PP that so much of your response to the experience is about how you were treated at the time - were you respected, informed, listened to? I had a similar shit show of a first birth- epidural, episiotomy, ventouse, PPH, baby quickly off to NICU. And for me it was a positive experience (well, except separation from baby!). Someone commented to me shortly after that it was a lot for me to deal with, but it didn't really feel like it at the time. This was 3.5 years ago and I'd say my feelings about the birth are actually more negative now, after a dream homebirth with DD2, that left me pining for a "do-over" with DD1. So looking back I am a little sad about the first birth, but certainly not traumatised. I think it is wonderful that they are taking your mental health so seriously though! A birth debrief/counselling is a great thing for anyone, and especially when there is a lot to unpack.

[blackcat86]

Congratulations on your new baby. Although traumatic, it sounds like the staff around you have been very good. I wasnt so lucky and that's where a lot of my trauma stems from plus a lack of support or sympathy from DH or family. Me and DD nearly died and I wasnt supported to see her for 10 hours. Her condition was much worse than I was told and that was hard to hear during the debrief as well as that knowing that, the staff still didn't help me see her (I'd had a c section). I was left to bleed so heavily I stuck to the pad and puppy pads and had bled through to the bed. I do now have PND and PNA so am having counselling but these symptoms didnt start until DD was about 3 months because I was running on autopilot coping with a newborn with virtually no help. It sounds like you have great support but just keep an eye on yourself when the dust has settled just in case.

[Spanglyprincess1]

My birth was traumatic. I felt talking about it helped. There bad tares an arterial bleed they couldn't stop and then a lot of surgery. But my bbay was healthy and alive. I think that helped as it was all I cared about at the time
The pain post birth was worse than I thought.
Get some support if you need it once the shock wears off.
Congrats on the bbay xx

[DelphiMum]

I had a horrific birth with DC1 and I’m also a strong, practical personal with a lot of mental fortitude.

I felt shit for the first 6 months but justifiably so as I was in a lot of pain and it took a long time to physically recover. After that I was left with a lot of questions about why things happened the way they did and I needed to know to inform my future decisions about future children. I went to birth afterthoughts at a year and read my notes, which I found helpful.

HV constantly asking if I’m depressed but mostly I was just in physical pain.

Stay strong. XX

[53rdWay]

Congratulations on your baby!

You may well be fine, but keep an eye out in case you do start finding it harder to cope with at some point in the future. I was generally okay but had a rocky patch after a few months, and then again when considering TTC next baby.

I’d also gently suggest that you don’t link ‘not being traumatised’ with anything about how practical or sensible you are as a person, because if you do start struggling further down the line it can make it harder to process (voice of experience speaking here!).

[Bees1]

So glad you are feeling ok OP, I really recommend taking them up on or booking a debrief (think these normally happen about 6weeks post delivery) so you can go through everything with a supervisor of midwives so if anything does come up in that time for you or OH you have the opportunity to discuss.

[physicskate]

I didn't feel traumatised by my forceps and episiotomy at the time. It was one of those 'oh we're just going to put the resuscitation gear here because we do at most births.' And more and more people kept piling into the room, kind of birth.

My midwife was great at the birth. They explained things (probably with a slightly more positive spin) but I felt like I knew what was going on and a bit about why. At the end of the day, we were both totally fine.

I was more 'traumatised' by the amount of bruising and pain I was in. Oh and by being completely left on my own all night (only being woken in the 20 mins of sleep I managed after four days of stop start labour and no sleep to be informed my baby was screaming. Great. Super helpful.). I also found it really stressful to have to travel half an hour to my day 3 appointment...

So I kind of feel like I 'should' be more traumatised. I am definitely more perturbed by the experience a month later than I was at the time.

I'm still healing and can't shit properly, so take it slow and don't have too many expectations of yourself.

Agree with previous posters that your feelings are quite linked to the care you receive.

[babysharkah]

I had a very traumatic delivery at 31 weeks with twins. Straight after I was absolutely fine but it hit me like a ton of bricks in the lead up to their first birthday. I didnt have time to process it all before then really.

Just see how you go.

Congratulations!

[Bluntness100]

I had a quite bad experience and spent a month in hospital after giving birth, my husband had to take our daughter home. I then had follow up visits for a year after to the hospital.

Every single medical professional thought I was going to get pnd. Apparently I was a prime candidate due to what occurred and my separation from my baby. I also got a couple of special visits at home to ask about my mental Well being due to what has occurred and the fact I'd been separated from my child so long.

I was totally fine. And nearly 22 years later I'm still fine, and I'm as bonded as can be with my daughter, always have been.

I think they have certain triggers they look out for. However we are all different people.

[dinoegg]

I had exactly the same with my first OP - epis, forceps, blood transfusion. I thought I was fine etc etc, but actually down the road I really had PND and I ended up needing to go to a special midwife to talk through my birth again a few months later which helped.

You may not get PND but they are asking because it's usually very likely with a traumatic birth. Just bear it in mind and look after yourself and congratulations!

[MummEE2]

Sorry wrong post!! I've emailed MN to delete my comment!!

[cloudymelonade]

Thanks all for sharing your experiences 💛

Feel like I'm at the start of s very long journey to recovery but we'll get there.
Had to go back to the hospital today as little one is jaundice and my episiotomy stitches have broken (delightful). Went back to the room I started the delivery in and DH kept talking about random bits of the labour and so much of what he was saying I just had absolutely no recollection of whatsoever. It would seem my brain has completely hidden stuff from me and that might be why I'm feeling okay!

I have booked a session with my therapist in a few weeks just to talk through it and make sure I'm taking any preventative measures I can with my mental health

[dinoegg]

OP glad you have something in place to talk to someone
For what it's worth my brain did exactly the same thing about forgetting stuff - I do think it's mother nature's way of making sure you're ok to take care of your baby (and maybe procreating again!)

Take care of yourself

[BelulahBlanca]

I wrote myself a letter so I didn't forget the pain- god knows why I thought I’d want to remember it but time has healed the physical wounds.