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When DH is not on board with VBAC

(23 Posts)
pancakes22 Mon 04-Mar-19 22:05:04

Has anyone been in similar boat. I'm 23 weeks so still a long way to go but the birth and hope for VBAC has been on my mind ever since i fell pregnant. When talking about potentials for what the birth may be like and what options we would go for if things don't happen naturally, DH is very quick to jump to section because he doesn't want me to go through any risks. Most recently I said that I may consider drip if the induction didn't work and he said that he couldn't go through watching me on the drip again, that it was too intense and he would have to leave the room etc. I know that the birth is my body etc but I'm also getting conscious that traumatic birth was probably traumatic on him as well as me.

Has anyone had any experience similar where they have had differing opinions on their birth with their DH? How did you get on the same page and know where to compromise and when to stick to guns? I want to stay positive and think that I can do it but I'm not sure how to do that if my DH is going to freak out and not be my advocate...

OP’s posts: |
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Mon 04-Mar-19 22:09:05

Tell him your choice this time, when he gives birth he can decide.
As rough as it was for him he needs to allow you the freedom to decide.

Waitingonasmiley42 Mon 04-Mar-19 22:13:00

I think it varies hugely between hospitals, but I was told they wouldn't do any form of induction. If I didn't spontaneously labour (which I didn't) then it was another section.

pancakes22 Mon 04-Mar-19 23:07:40

@Waitingonasmiley42 I have been told induction options would be first balloon and then drip.

It's so hard not being on the same page. I appreciate that it just be hard to watch your wife in pain and he's probably got his own traumas but selfishly I just want him to be my advocate and tell me I can do it.... and I'm not getting that.

OP’s posts: |
JohnLapsleyParlabane Mon 04-Mar-19 23:09:26

Get him to investigate the risks associated with c sections - they really aren't objectively "safer" it's just that the risks are different.

PetuniaPetunia Mon 04-Mar-19 23:10:13

But a section isn't risk free either. Perhaps you could both discuss this with your midwife?

kingfisherblue33 Mon 04-Mar-19 23:13:55

What research has he done into the pros and cons? What’s his reasoning? You may labour differently this time round... and it’s your body, so up to you. I’d find a supportive birth partner.

What research have you done?

Every hospital is different. Have you asked yours their policy on Vbac?

I had a planned cs for my first, then a vbac. My waters broke then I didn’t go into labour, so I was induced... but had a vbac eventually. Good luck!

brookshelley Mon 04-Mar-19 23:19:31

My hospital has a policy of no inductions for VBAC. I didn’t go into labour so ended up with another section.

pancakes22 Mon 04-Mar-19 23:25:02

He did come to an appointment with midwife with me and has looked at risks and thinks that a planned section would be less risky and less traumatic than if we try for a VBAC and have to go through EMCS again. I understand his reasoning but I just have this feeling in my heart that I want to know I've tried everything I could for a natural birth. I'm terrified too but just want to try. I can't and wouldn't want a different birth partner because he's my husband and I want him at the birth of his child. I just don't know how to get on the same page as him and am worried about whether I feel able to make any compromise on this subject. In an ideal world I will go into spontaneous labour which he is happy with but it's just when discussing induction options that we differ. Consultant has already said we can try balloon or drip if it comes to induction.

OP’s posts: |
7salmonswimming Mon 04-Mar-19 23:26:47

I think the only discussion to be had between the two of you in this is if you’re both making educated, informed opinions based on what’s in the best interests of you, your existing child and the baby to be.

That your DH might be reaching his conclusions because his would find it difficult to see you go through a difficult birth is so utterly hmm. This is so not about him, truly.

AdoraBell Mon 04-Mar-19 23:27:55

As AprilShowers said, when he gives birth he gets to decide how to give birth.

Kb8219 Mon 04-Mar-19 23:30:11

I was told after my first section that I would not be allowed to be induced again due to risk of scar rupture!

kingfisherblue33 Mon 04-Mar-19 23:30:45

Aye. Your h has to support you and be your advocate. He’s not going through it, so he has to suck it up.

Loads of hospitals are happy to induce women who have had a Cs. Do what you want to do; it’s your body.

kingfisherblue33 Mon 04-Mar-19 23:31:42

Kb8219 - when was this? The task of rupture is less than 1 in 100!

theworldistoosmall Mon 04-Mar-19 23:36:02

Does he realise that even if you hadn't been induced the first time round, he would have still seen you in pain?

IM0GEN Mon 04-Mar-19 23:36:07

Your body, your choice.

He can do his research himself, it’s not up to you to talk him round.

Do you have a sister or friend who is adult enough to put her own feelings aside and support you during labour ? Just in case your husband can’t grow up in time.

Sorry but I have limited sympathy for him. You are terrified and he’s making it about him and his feelings hmm.

user1471426142 Tue 05-Mar-19 04:05:08

Does your hospital have an information pack on risks/benefits of vbac v elective? If not, if you google vbac and nhs you’ll find some.

My hospital does suggest induction is one of the factors that makes a vbac less likely to be successful with the following risks;

•2 – 3 x increase in risk of uterine rupture
•1.5 x increase in risk of Emergency Caesarean Section

Kb8219 Tue 05-Mar-19 07:21:29

kingfisher in 2015 and again 2016 I was told chance of rupture was 1 in 100 for VBAC but with induction significantly higher, this was 2 different hospitals also as my eldest was born in England and my youngest in Scotland! I wanted VBAC so we waited to see if I went into labour naturally but I didn’t so had another section!

3out Tue 05-Mar-19 07:32:34

I’m glad I’m the woman. Given the choice of being in labour or watching my partner in labour, I’d definitely choose to be the one in labour.
I’m not saying he has any say in your preferred birth plan, but it does sound like he has a lot of issues after your last labour and delivery. Could he have a debrief by a midwife with your old notes? It might help his anxiety. A section is a big operation too, does he fully understand that?

pancakes22 Tue 05-Mar-19 07:33:31

Thank you everyone for your responses. You are helping me feel like I maybe just need to be selfish on my views on this and go with what feels right for me

OP’s posts: |
kingfisherblue33 Tue 05-Mar-19 09:08:17

It's not being selfish, Pancakes. Every woman feels differently about birth and you are the one going through it. Your h should be supporting you in your decision, not making it all about him.

This is useful:

Risk of uterine rupture in VBAC is 1 in 200
% of women who have a successful VBAC: 72-75% (ie who don't have to give birth by CS)

Also see section 8.2:

"Women should be informed of the two- to three-fold increased risk of uterine rupture and around 1.5-fold increased risk of caesarean delivery in induced and/or augmented labour compared with spontaneous VBAC labour.
"Clinicians should be aware that induction of labour using mechanical methods (amniotomy or Foley catheter) is associated with a lower risk of scar rupture compared with induction using prostaglandins."

differentnameforthis Tue 05-Mar-19 10:54:18

when he gives birth he gets to decide how to give birth. That's a stupid comeback to be fair. He is concerned about his wife and child, and is allowed to express those concerns and offer an opinion on what he thinks may work/not work. That doesn't mean he gets the deciding "vote" but his voice is important too!

This is a great time to do some research together and have a good chat about what you need, op. At the end of the day, it's your choice of course, but those saying your dh doesn't get a say at all are so very wrong.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Tue 05-Mar-19 11:01:38

Many women have tough early days with a newborn if they don't get the birth they had in their mind.
Resentment towards her dh if he had decided how that birth should be surely?

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