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Do I tell her the TRUTH about the pain of childbirth or leave in blissfull ignorance??????

(41 Posts)
Flumpybumpy Tue 03-Jul-07 10:16:47

A girl at work is 28wks with her first and as I am the only other woman there that had given birth she has been quizzing me about chidbirth.

For teh record I don't actually like her nor she me but she has no-one else to ask about this so I drew the short straw!!

She is convinced that it can't be worse than a really big poo she did recently that made her cry (seriously she was discussing this in the office). I said the pain was worse but how far do I go with this??

Do I tell her the truth or let her carry on thinking a big poo lasting a few minutes is as bad as it is going to get??

Advice please

FB x

Pixiefish Tue 03-Jul-07 10:27:06

Leave her to find out for herself.

Mossy Tue 03-Jul-07 10:27:38

Tell her she might do another really big poo when she is in labour!

JoshandJamie Tue 03-Jul-07 10:27:38

Personally I would say this:

It depends on how relaxed you are. If you are relaxed, breathe properly, stay upright, consider hynobirthing, it can be reasonable.

If you are very tense, contracting every muscle, lying down, the pain can be far worse than a big poo...

I know what you mean - by forwarning her, she can expect the worst and therefore be prepared for it instead of it coming as a shock. But I genuinely think that if you tell people that it's going to be agony, they expect that, tense up and there you go, it is.

Flumpybumpy Tue 03-Jul-07 10:32:50

I was convinced it couldn't be as bad as everyone said and it was!! Was under no illusions with number 2 so I coped better because knew what to expect.

She is a very fit person so I think she will have a fairly good labour anyway, but you never know and it could be horrendous.

The side of me that doesn't like her, really wants to tell her a poo is as bad as it will get but the compassionate nice side of me wnats to reassure her that it will be okay and help her prepare!

FYI, she is not a very nice person who has caused lots of problems for me at work and was involved in a horrible bullying incident (I was the target) so I really don't have much time for her.

FB x

DivaSkyChick Tue 03-Jul-07 10:37:09

I agree with JoshandJamie. Why create a self fulfilling prophecy for her? Let her know that everyone's experience is different and that she should do some research into home birthing, hypnobirthing, etc.

Unless you rrreally don't like her, in which case you could regale her with horror stories until she leaves you alone!

ViciousSquirrelSpotter Tue 03-Jul-07 10:52:08

She won't believe you whatever you tell her

Would go with the "everyone's experience is different but these books might be helpful" angle.

Carmenere Tue 03-Jul-07 10:56:48

Tell her. Tell her that it is a humongous amount of pain but that it only lasts for a day and that she can have pain relief if she wants it.
The one thing I regret is not taking more exercise when I was pregnant. I now know that it would have made labour easier if I was fitter.

KerryMum Tue 03-Jul-07 10:59:55

It's just one of those things that you can never truly understand until you've experienced it.

mylittlestar Tue 03-Jul-07 11:10:53

Everyone's experience is so different. For me, labour was nowhere near as painful as I expected! And I only had gas and air. I had built it up in my head to be much worse than it turned out to be, mainly because of the horror stories I'd heard...

Given what she's done to you in the past I'd either tell her the horror stories, or tell her it's actually less painful than doing a big poo... she'll find out for herself soon enough!

HonoriaGlossop Tue 03-Jul-07 11:17:26

I agree with squirrell that 'it's different for everyone' is the only truly honest thing you can say! Even something like 'it only lasts a day' can be untrue - my pain lasted for 3 days! You just never know.

So I think i'd say "it's different for everyone so hearing individual opinions on the pain is not going to help you".

Notyummy Tue 03-Jul-07 11:20:25

Tell her that it will be the worst pain she will ever experience....she may as well be prepared. I went into it assumming that it would be....and it was, but I wasn't surprised and coped with gas and air (and by telling myself that it couldn't go on for ever, and each contraction was one closer to the end). This worked until I needed a forceps delivery with no pain relief and wished that I had taken the epidural route....but thats a whole other thread!

JoolsToo Tue 03-Jul-07 11:21:06

I would tell her to expect to scream blue murder

KerryMum Tue 03-Jul-07 11:23:47

I couldn't have screamed even if I wanted to! Couldn't catch my breath! Never felt anything so painful in my life and after each contraction there was this kind of WONDER in my brain like HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE? and then the next contraction it DID!

HonoriaGlossop Tue 03-Jul-07 11:26:57

kerry, I know what you mean. I felt kind of pinned down by the shock of the pain. It was truly, truly shocking to me.

bookwormmum Tue 03-Jul-07 11:27:34

I'd tell her you can't describe it as every labour is different..... but she will probably be pushed above and beyond her pain/discomfort thresh-hold (unless she gets an epidural). Ditto her dignity thresh-hold .

Tbh, it's probably best saying as little as possible as whatever you say, she'll probably blame you for later.

KerryMum Tue 03-Jul-07 11:33:05

Honor - I know it was weird wasn't it? There was this completely seperate "rational" part of my brain "observing" it and just being stunned!

flibbertyjibbet Tue 03-Jul-07 11:39:28

I have had two. One assisted birth of distressed baby with about 500 extra people in the room at the end of a labour with only gas and air, 2nd breech so a section. When people insist on asking me what its like I say that everyone's labour is horrid and painful, but everyone's labour is different so no point me telling about mine as yours won't be like that. I also say that on the day you just get on with it whatever its link as its not as if you can decide you don't like it and go home . Don't regale her with horror stories as if she has an 'easy' (!!) time she will tell everyone at work that you are a woos who made out it was terrible.

bookwormmum Tue 03-Jul-07 11:41:26

I remember blaspheming at the top of my voice and part of me thinking 'damn that was in the wrong order' (I corrected this on my second outburst ) and the other part of me was wondering why my Mum hadn't told me off for my foul language . Twas truely a weird moment for me then.

Klaw Tue 03-Jul-07 12:10:11

Well, you can rise above any petty office stuff and give her some great links which, if she reads and takes heed of, will leave her thinking that you are the most wonderful person in the world!

Labour hormones and how they help relieve pain

Pelvises I have know and loved by Gloria Lemay Helps you to understand how a baby DOES fit through your pelvis and that believing in yourself and listening to your body will make it easier.

Birth postions Scroll down to get to Birth positions, avoid lying on your back.

Tell her to research what's important to her and make informed decisions.

Klaw Tue 03-Jul-07 12:12:32

Tell her it is HARD work! And also show her Early labour mistakes A great American site with lots of helpful info.

OrmIrian Tue 03-Jul-07 12:16:14

Tell her. It might give you pleasure (seeing as you don't like her) but also I found that the pain was soooo much worse than I had thought (because some idiot told me it was like bad period pain - ha!) I wasn't able to cope at all. Second and third time round I knew what to expect and I coped 100% better. Ignorance may be bliss but it isn't constructive.

Also tell her to learn about the process of childbirth so that she knows what the things she is feeling mean.

bananabump Tue 03-Jul-07 12:16:57

I so wish I hadn't clicked on this thread.

<backs out whimpering and considering an elective>

Mumpbump Tue 03-Jul-07 12:18:31

I agree with those who say just tell her it's different for everyone. One of the girls from my antenatal class had a 3.5 hour labour that sounded fairly easy so it might not be that bad for her. You just can't tell how someone is going to find it.

Kathyis6incheshigh Tue 03-Jul-07 12:21:35

If she is a real bitch, I think you should tell her that it will not hurt at all unless she is doing it wrong.
You should also add that if she does it wrong and it hurts this will irrevocably affect the bonding process and damage her child for the rest of its life.
That way, she can have guilt and worry as well as pain.

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