Elective c section

[Riley1989]

Hiya everyone. Happy new year to you all! I’m completely new to mumsnet so please forgive me if I’m doing this all wrong! I’m a 29 year old married female, no children yet and me and my husband want to try for a family this year but I have had a lot of spinal issues the most recent was two ruptured spinal discs in my lower spine 6 months ago. I have been told by a lot of my friends who are already mothers that I should elect for a c section as the strain of pushing during a vaginal birth is not going to do my spine any favours. My chiropractor has also said the same thing to me. She said that I have to mention my spinal problems to my midwife when I do become pregnant as they will need to adapt a birthing plan for me to suit my spine! I don’t really mind having a elective c section If it’s going to help me not ruin my spine but I’m so worried about people thinking I’m being a whimp and that I’m “to posh to push” which isn’t the case at all! Im so worried about ending up crippled with my back again and having a new born to look after! I’m so worried about what people are going to think of me if I do go for an elective c section! Any advice would be greatly appreciated xxx

[Yakadee]

I'm expecting my second and have opted for a section because I had a terrible first labour with my son.

Honestly, who cares what anyone thinks? I've had a few comments about 'too posh to push' and couldn't care less lol. I'm doing what's right for me and my baby.

I'd say if you've had these issues and professionals are telling you to go down this route as best option for you, then definitely listen to them.

Your priority needs to be the safety / health of you and your baby xxx

[Riley1989]

Thank you for your reply Yakadee! I know I shouldn’t worry but my mother in law likes to let me know how she had 2 natural births with no pain relief blah blah!! To be honest if anyone’s judging me the most it’s her! Feel like we are always walking around on egg shells with her! I just know if I opt for a elective section I will never hear the end of it from her even if it’s the safest thing for me and our baby. Mother in laws eh xxx

[Yakadee]

Does she have the same problems you've had? I doubt it! She should just be thrilled that you will be giving her a grandchild, who cares how they make their entrance.

My friends / family have been very supportive and my mother in law actually agrees it's the best decision lol (I'm lucky though) xx

[Riley1989]

Yakadee no she’s never had spinal problems before! My mother in law has a special way about her (to put it politely lol) she has caused a lot of problems for me and my husband on almost every special occasion! Our housewarming party she made my husband cry, at our engagement party she made me cry, she was rude to me at our wedding and Christmas is a nightmare we were 30mins late last year because we were late leaving my parents and she was so rude I nearly turned right around and walked back out the door! She is the type of mother in law that sees me as a threat and I have no idea why so any chance she gets to belittle me or make me feel/look like I’m a bit useless she jumps on it. Me and my husband hardly go to see her anymore now because it’s so awkward and it’s horrible because my father in law is lovely! I dunno I just worry that she’s going to make me look so weak if I do go for a elective c section and I could have all the experts saying I should and she would know better and definitely use it against me. Maybe I just need to tell her where to go lol xxxx

[Riley1989]

Oh and she’s also told me that I have to give her a girl as a grandchild like I am going to have a choice lol so if I end up having a boy and a elective c section I’m going to get it right in the neck lol xxx

[sohypnotic]

I had an elective c-section with my now 1 year old. I have fibromyalgia and hyper mobility, and developed SPD (pelvic problem) during pregnancy. Like you I was worried about doing permanent damage to my joints, and just the physicality of giving birth.

It paid off for me, I recovered from surgery easily, and pelvic problem went away quickly. I seemed to be up and about quicker than a lot of the other new mums around me who had natural births (and no previous medical conditions). Obviously everyone's experiences are different, and for some a c-section is no walk in the park - but an elective is a whole different ball game to an emergency.

Nobody judged me, either before or after. You need to do what's right for you're body, and be confident in your decision. And quite frankly you're mil sounds horrendous and you don't even need to tell her (or anybody else) your birth plan.

[Yakadee]

I agree, she doesn't sound very nice at all - poor you! Awful to have someone judging your every move. She's just lucky either of you still bother with her!

If you manage to work out how to have a girl, let me know - I imagine you'd be a wealthy woman! Lol. Is it wrong that I hope you get a lovely boy just to piss her off! Lol x

[Thissameearth]

Start today by stopping caring what people think about your personal medical decisions. A woman who chooses a c section does not deserve to be looked down on as weak even if she has no physical need for it, she has a choice, so don’t give that stereotype any thought and don’t perpetuate it.

Your mother in law sounds really rude and inappropriate and I would struggle to spend any time with her. I hope your husband pulls her up and each and every comment. Are there any positives in spending time with her? Sad to say I expect it’ll get worse when you have “her grandchild” that she’ll be making demands in relation to.

You’re not pregnant yet and this isn’t really a concern. If a c section is in your interests, then great the good news is that in the UK unlike some countries you’ll get one and you and your baby will be safer. It you don’t need one, great. It is not success or failure.

I didn’t discuss TTC with anyone but my husband, be wary that if you are discussing it with people they’ll doubtless have lots of opinions that you may or may not appreciate. I appreciate these may all have been unsolicited but if not, bear in mind keeping quiet and refusing to discuss is an option particularly with your mother in law: we’re happy the way we are, that’s a private matter, obviously we’d be delighted with a child of either sex etc etc.

[Riley1989]

sohypnotic Thank you for your reply and for an Insight into your recovery! Very helpful to hear from someone with similar problems so thank you xx

Yakadee.... is it bad I want to have a boy just to pee her off also lol I think I have just got used to being around her and her awful ways! Xx

Thissameearth thank you for your reply. My husband is very good at pulling her up but whenever he does she turns it around and into the whole “poor me” act. We both know it’s going to get a lot worse when we do start a family and have “her” grandchild I suppose we will just have to deal with it. I didn’t even mean to discuss it with her I had been to the chiropractor that morning and she asked how it was and I just mentioned what my chiropractor had said about an elective c section and then all hell broke loose. Now it’s all she brings up when I see her I know I’m not pregnant yet but was just looking for some support and advice before I am as I’ve been having a tough time with my MIL. That’s exactly what I’ve got so I’m really grateful to all of you for replying and giving me a bit more of a back bone when it comes to telling people nearer the time what we are planning xxxx

[Willow1992]

I don't really understand the idea of 'too posh to push'. Certainly not from anyone who has actually given birth. Not many women just choose to have a c section for no medical reason and even if they did I would assume major anxiety and/or maybe a previous very bad birth experience. Health problems resulting in an ELCS or an emergency resulting in an EMCS, plus the weeks of recovering from major surgery are not exactly my idea of 'posh'.

Having a natural birth might be something to feel privately proud of yourself for but I consider it pretty crass to flaunt it about as if it just comes down to how much effort you put in when plenty of mums/babies would be dead without birth interventions.

[SuzieAndBess]

Now I have friends who have had sections o can’t believe this “too posh to push” BS. It’s major surgery and the recovery time is longer.
OP, no one who knows the first thing about childbirth will judge you. Good luck on your journey.

[c24680]

I tried to have a natural birth but ended up with an emergency c-section, I hate comments like too posh to push also, I found recovery from a c-section hard!

I would go for an elective section if I was you, take the advice from others and don't listen to your MIL. Non of your mummy friends will judge you, every birth is different.

[Riley1989]

Thank you all so so much for your reply’s and for all your kind words of support and all of your advice it’s appreciated so much! I will definitely be taken all your advice and putting it to good use with my MIL xxxx

[DtD1986]

I had 2 c sections first one Emergancy second elective and currently 14+3 with 3rd . Wanted to go natural but my babies seem to get stuck and during my second doctor told me I have small pelvis so I have no choice with my 3rd . But I suppose my waters went and was in labour for hours with first so I have felt the pain as close as I can to giving birth just couldn’t get there midwife told me I could push till the end of time but he wasn’t budging. Altho it was the best thing for the safety of myself and my son after failed venhose and forceps but deep down I wish I had managed it naturally but doesn’t make me any less of a mum or giving it my best, and I found the healing process quite hard with mobility but we have to do what’s best for mum and baby xx

Do what it best for you and baby Hun that’s all that matters at the end of it all xxx

[namechangedforanon]

There are no medals for childbirth. It isn't a game. For many people, it can be a huge event for them physically and psychologically.

I would only have an elective ( I haven't had kids yet) and I will be going private.

You have to think about what is best for you, and your ongoing health. Don't be afraid to push for what you want.

XX

[Floralgizelle]

This is definately not the 'whimps' way out!! Every birth is different, i was actually more inclined for a natural birth as typically the healing time is much shorter than that of a c section. So maybe that makes me a 'whimp' you just do whats right for you. I personally dont think there is an easier option just whats right for the mum at the time!!

[Riley1989]

Thank you all so so much for your replies makes me feel much better about my decision ❤️

[namechangedforanon]

No worries, let us know how you get on.

Birthrights have some great info to help you self advocate and if needed we can give you a pep talk as many people have had to demonstrate through their own research their choices.

Best of luck xx