Tearing questions

[ttbren]

I'm going to be induced on Friday at 37 weeks with my first baby and I am DEATHLY scared of tearing. At 35 weeks he was measuring at 4lbs8oz so I'm not sure if a small baby makes me less likely to tear? I have a few questions regarding tearing with first babies.

• How big was your baby
• How severe was your tear?
• How painful/uncomfortable was it afterwards and for how long?
• Did you require intervention during your birth?
• How long did it take for you to fully recover?

Thank you!

[rainbowmuma]

Had a second degree tear with my first. He was 7lb 5oz.
I can completely understand why you are concerned but to be honest, most women I've spoken to have had a tear with a vaginal birth. It's not as bad as it sounds and healed up pretty quickly.
Didn't try it myself but have you heard of perineal massage? It's meant to help.
Good luck with it all x

[rainbowmuma]

Sorry didn't fully answer all your questions.
I had no intervention in the birth and it was painful for about a week afterwards but not major pain - didn't need painkillers after the first day or two.

[sproutsandparsnips]

7lb 1 and I had a 3b tear. No instruments at delivery.

[sproutsandparsnips]

Painful at first but not for long. I wasn't discharged till I'd had a poo - that was quite anxiety provoking!

[monkerina]

7lb11, no interventions and a waterbirth, 2nd degree tear plus some 'grazes' which were stitched under local once less waterlogged; I was uncomfortable for a couple of weeks but no idea how uncomfortable I would have been without tearing and tbh piles were worse than fanjo

I was really worried about tearing too, but you don't feel it in the moment. Try not to focus on it. Have you been doing hypnobirthing or anything similar?

[SoyDora]

Tore with my first, 7lbs 12oz. No instruments used. 2nd degree tear, wasn’t particularly painful and I was out walking with the pram within 24 hours of the birth with no discomfort.
2nd baby was 8lbs 8oz. No tearing.

[Bobbiepin]

7lbs 12oz and 2nd degree tear, no interventions (except constant monitoring - nothing south) no stitches. Sore for a couple of weeks but sore not painful. Was fully fine after a fortnight or so but was taking it easy anyway

[ifoundthebread]

1st baby 7lb 11oz, 2 minor tears requiring a stitch each. Bit discomfort for about a week , no intervention.

2nd baby 9lb 1oz, no tears, no grazing, could of got up and done the can-can 5 minutes after delivery. Again, no intervention.

[nomorespaghetti]

First baby 7lb 11, second baby 7lb 7.
Second degree tear with both.
No intervention (second baby was a home birth)
Uncomfortable to sit on for about a week in each case. I'm 9 days post partum now and stiches are a little bit itchy but no pain. Didn't need painkillers after day 2 (paracetamol/ibuprofen).
Was out in the car picking up DD from nursery 24 hours post birth, and at the park on day 2. No bother from stitches!
Just make sure you insist on local anaesthetic for stitching if you've not had any pain relief during labour, would be my advice.
Good luck OP

[CharminglyGawky]

I had a third degree tear. 8lb 12 baby and ventouse delivery.

I didn't feel it as I had an epidural and was rather surprised when they took me off to theatre to fix it. Got to take and cuddle DS though so it wasn't that bad.

It was sore and tender but not really painful at any point. Easy to care for I just rinsed in the shower a couple of times a day and that was enough to stop infection and I had to walk slowly for a few weeks, and sit on a cushion. After the epidural wore off I only had paracetamol and ibuprofen, nothing else was needed and I dropped the ibuprofen on about day 3.

Took a good few weeks to heal but I moved house when DS was three months and I remember running up and down stairs so healed well by then. The scar remained tender for much longer though.

That whole area has such a good blood supply it tends to heal quicker than you would expect. I don't know if a smaller baby would have made a difference. But it really was not as bad as I imagined before hand.

Only thing I wish I'd done differently is eat lots of fruit and drink lots of water in the days before, I was feeling quite poorly so didn't do either and that first poo is unpleasant.

[grace7]

7lbs14 baby, and I'm pretty small! Didn't tear or need stitches, had a minor graze (probably from all his hair!) but it wasn't really uncomfortable, and it healed in a few days. No intervention.

[Glueberries]

1st baby - 8lb9, no interventions and 3rd degree tear, it wasn't due to size but baby came out with her hand by her face which is what we think caused it.

2nd baby - 8lb11, no interventions and a 2nd degree tear. I think I was always more likely to tear again due to scar tissue.

Recovery was similar for both, probably 3-4 weeks before I felt back to normal and I've had no lasting effects from either.

Please don't worry, you don't feel yourself tear and it was a bit painful after but by then you have a lovely newborn to focus on! A lot of women don't tear at all or only need a couple of stitches.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

First baby I had no tearing at all - had a great midwife, was very careful with 'breathing out' the baby, and of course was lucky.

Second was emcs, third had some tearing and needed stitches but was all better in a few weeks, fourth no tearing.
Perineal massage feels a bit odd but is meant to be good, and helps feel like you're doing something to help!

[CountessVonBoobs]

It's easy for me to say but try not to think of tearing as some sort of terrible outcome. It's very very common and for most women heals fine. And the large majority of us go on to not only have sex again but have more babies

Try downloading a Hypnobirthing track and listening to it between now and Friday - you stressing won't change or help anything.

[mrbob]

Almost everyone will tear with their first baby to some extent but often these are really minor (despite what they may feel like!) A midwife with good control of your perineum can help but otherwise is pretty tricky. Try not to worry- a few weeks and you will be all sorted :)

[ttbren]

Thank you for your responses. Also, I forgot to ask how long did it take until you were able to comfortably have sex again? Did things feel different?

[Cheeseandapple]

Baby was 7lb 13oz, born in water with no intervention. I had a 2nd degree tear. Midwives wanted to stitch it but I decided to leave it to heal without stitches. I peed in the bath tub with shower head running over me and changed pads every 2-3 hours for about 2-3 weeks. I felt no pain from it what so ever. At 5 day check up midwife was happy with how it was healing and by 6 week check up dr said it had healed completely.

[Cheeseandapple]

Had sex again just before 6 week check up - a little bit stingy the first time but not painful!

[Racecardriver]

I had a few tears. Didn't feel them as they happened. Not particularly painful afterwards (I was bruised AF so that was worse). Both children average size but active labour very quick (I've heard that makes tears more likely).

[Magpiefeather]

I was also very scared of tearing before the birth of my baby. But in reality it’s not that bad.

Mine was 7lbs 6 so not a big baby but came out very fast and I had a third degree tear (3a) stitched up in theatre with epidural. Recovery was fine, just Rooke ibuprofen and paracetamol for a few weeks afterwards and it was fine. Things feel a bit different when I need a BM - the new normal! - but it was in no way at all the horrific thing I thought it would be .

Good luck Op

[Magpiefeather]

Re your recent post - sex again at 8 weeks PP if I remember correctly. it hurt and we stopped. Went to my physio appointment and told her about it, it transpired I had pulled a vaginal muscle when delivering my baby from pushing her out too quickly and the physio massaged it a bit (not at all dodgy or uncomfortable!) and it was fine. By 12 weeks pp sex was fine and didn’t hurt.

It does feel different in some positions but if I’m completely honest is better than before (i attribute this to the pelvic floor excerises more than the actual birth) .

[SoyDora]

With my first it was about 5 weeks PP for sex I think. Definitely before my 6 week check.
My second... no idea. I was too exhausted.

[SunshineSnowflakesDaydreams]

My first was just over 9 pounds and sunny side up. I had an episiotomy and a forceps delivery which resulted in a 3b tear. It took me about 5 months to feel myself again. It was painful for a few weeks and I was walking funny for about a week or two! The recovery of a c-section is quicker than what I experienced! I just unfortunately fell into the small percentage of women who experience severe tearing. I had physio afterwards and sometimes have a sense of urgency when needing the bathroom.
I am 30 weeks pregnant now, so it didn't put me off! It's obviously not the nicest thing to deal with but it can be bearable. It's luck of the draw and you might be lucky to not tear at all!

[GotTheKey]

I've had 2 and both were assisted deliveries with episiotomies. Pain for a few days after was sort of internal bruising and stinging where stitches were but nothing that regular paracetamol and ibuprofen didn't help Long term there were no problems for me. Good luck op.

[HJE17]

Here’s a “dramatic case” that I’ll tell you with the moral of the story still being: tears suck but life goes on and I still think my daughter was worth it! ;-)

6lbs9oz, no interventions. 2nd degree tear, that was stitched up badly (words you never want to hear the supervising midwife yelling at the student: “NO! Those bits don’t go together!”) After 6 months hadn’t healed properly and had to be re-torn by a gynaecologist. Fun times. Healed at about 7 months but with some scar tissue. Gentle sex possible in one certain position starting around 12 weeks. Still some discomfort occasionally 15 months later but I’m pregnant again so clearly not that big an issue!

All this to say: healing MAY take a while but even if it does, you get on with things and life isn’t so bad! Realistically “that area” is a TINY bit of your overall anatomy and it’s not worth getting too nervous about! Whatever will be, Will be... and you’ll deal with it just fine!