Talk

Flip

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Childbirth

post pregnancy clinic

10 replies

BenScalesIsAGod · 20/09/2018 19:41

Hi,

I had a difficult pregnancy and birth with my first child and although I received excellent antenatal care, the delivery and postnatal period was a completely different ball game! (Possibly too much information to go into detail about it but essentially I ended up very unwell for several months). I've just about recovered now and we have started to think about having a DC2 (DC1 is 2 years old).

I went to my GP feeling quite confident I wanted to go ahead with a second pregnancy and I have been given an appointment at the obstetrics clinic to discuss possible pregnancy options and management because of what happened last time. I thought I'd be ok with it, but now it's real I feel so anxious about it, I don't think I can actually muster up the courage to attend! It's as if all the memories and how I felt at the time have come back. I don't know whether to cancel and wait a bit longer until we are certain we want a dc2?

I don't really know what I'm asking for really, but arghhh! what do I do?

OP posts:

Report

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 19:46

Sorry you are going through this.

Who is the appt with?

If it's eith a Dr, might it be worth asking for a referral to the hospitals Birth Matters team first?
I think most have them.
It's usually a couple of specialist midwives that can meet eith you and go through your notes , the delivery etc and answer any question you have about it.

I had a phone appt with ours this week (because I had the date wrong for the actual appt) and it was helpful.
I'm 38 weeks tomorrow

Report

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 19:49

Also, after #1 I was adamant for ages that he would be an only. We started ttc again when he was 2.5. He's 4 now

Report

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 19:51

I wish I had asked for help earlier with postnatal anxiety and met with the birth matters team earlier too. But it's hard to know when you are 'ready' to do so.

Report

BenScalesIsAGod · 20/09/2018 20:00

Hi, yes it's with a doctor - the same Consultant who I was under last time. She was very good so I don't think that's the issue, it's more going back to the actual place and the memories, which seems ridiculous I know!

I've had a debrief, to be honest it didn't really help with how I felt. I made a complaint prior to the debrief and the debrief seemed quite defensive They've changed a policy or two after what happened, but nothing will change how I was treated by the midwives in general unfortunately.

OP posts:

Report

BenScalesIsAGod · 20/09/2018 20:02

I don't feel anxious on a day to day basis but it's just when I have been directly faced with this issue again that I've realised how much it affected me. Maybe I'm just not ready to go through it again...

OP posts:

Report

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 20:05

Is there another hospital fairly close by that you could choose for your care instead?

Report

Foodylicious · 20/09/2018 20:08

Oh, and not ridiculous at all!

Sorry they were so defensive (and it sounds like dismissive?) at your debrief.

The whole united front thing pisses me off.
The purpose of the debrief is meant to be for your benefit, not theirs.

Report

BenScalesIsAGod · 20/09/2018 20:21

I could go to another hospital but would need a foetal med unit and they don't have them everywhere. It would be better to go back to the original hospital, make a plan and then take that plan elsewhere really. Time for some soul searching.

Sorry you had a bad time too.

It's so difficult, I have always imagined having two children, but I think I could get my head around sticking with 1.

OP posts:

Report

Whiskeyjar · 20/09/2018 20:39

I ended up with a ten year age gap between my two children for this reason. My first labour was terrible and I wanted more children but the thought of going through that again was just so terrifying. I eventually researched and decided to plan a second baby but had an elective section which gave me full control. It was the most wonderful experience and now I am desperate for baby number three lol I'm quite sad that it took me so long and I wish I had been braver sooner and looked at my options instead of writing the whole thing off for ten years

Report

BenScalesIsAGod · 20/09/2018 21:14

That’s good to hear!

The problem is it’s not just delivery, although that’s is definitely part of the anxiety! It’s the management of the medical condition I have which led to me being ill after. Hard to consider the potential of being unable to properly look after 2 children for 6 months or so if we have another. Of course it’s not a given that would happen but that’s the fear.

Any tips of how to get over the fear enough to get back in the dept, let alone get pregnant!