Negative reactions to having a caesarean?

[NCPuffin]

I'm having a planned (I hate the word elective - I didn't choose this option!) Caesarean for DC1 on Tuesday, as the baby is very comfortable in its breech position and refused to budge during an attempted ECV. I am really disappointed that this has happened, although I know I have made the right choice. I am worried I'll be judged for having a planned caesarean by others. I am quite aware that this worry is probably coming from within me more than anything else, although it doesn't help that the doctor I saw yesterday seemed to question the timings of my ECV and surgery, although they were arranged with a consultant I have to be really careful not to question my own decisions and that didn't help. Just wondering if I am being my own harshest critic or if people have experienced criticism for having caesareans. If so, how did you respond/ deal with it?

[Laquila]

I had an emergency section and a planned one, and whilst I may just be thick-skinned, I honestly never ever felt judged for having either! Bloody brilliant invention.

[SoyDora]

Why would anyone judge you for having a c section when there is a medical need for it? You tried ECV and it didn’t work. Not much else you can do!

[DameSylvieKrin]

I am having a planned non-optional caesarean as both I and the baby will die otherwise. Even though the baby may die anyway, I'm still getting stupid comments. You can't help stupid, but I've stopped telling people about the section.

[nervousseacreature]

I’ve had an emergency and then a planned one. Right decision for me as I couldn’t stand the thought of another emergency one.

One friend did say something to me about ‘not having given birth properly’ but she was the only one. I was surprised at how many people I knew had had a section tbh.

I was much harsher on myself as I felt I’d failed a bit (planned a no drug waterbirth but then had to be induced and then emcs) but all that matters is me and baby we’re safe really

[Rebecca36]

No-one has the right to judge you but, honestly, you surely don't have to tell anyone all about it beforehand. When you've had the baby all you need to say is that the child was in breech position, could not be budged so there wasn't much choice. That is basically the truth though some children are delivered breech, a lot depends on their exact position and size.

What you do deserve after a C-section is a bit of looking after, takes a while to recover, so make the most of it.

[ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers]

Don’t be disappointed, you tried the ECV and it didn’t work, now you’re going to deliver your baby by c-section on the advice of your consultant because it’s what is considered safest. As for what anyone else thinks, they must be very sad pathetic little people with very sad pathetic empty lives if they have that much of an opinion on how someone else gives birth.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

2 emergency sections here, the second of which was meant to be a planned section but dc2 had other ideas. I was very open throughout that pregnancy that I was planning a section and only got a few criticisms/suggestions that this time if I did x,y or z this baby might work vaginally (first one got stuck at full dilation and couldn't be pushed or pulled out with forceps due to a giant head/rubbish pelvis). In fact midwives were actually the worst offenders on that front. I just practiced my "oh look something just crawled out from under a rather slimy rock" look. What did surprise me though was how surprised/positive most other people were, especially those who had sections themselves that I was willing to be open/upfront about it. As if it was a taboo subject and whilst people feel like that, or that they need to apologize for it, I think there will always be plenty of people feeling similarly OP.

I will add that my second was an absolutely amazing experience.

[Pamdoo]

I doubt anyone will judge you. It doesn't make you any less of a person or mother because you have a csection. I ended up having an emcs and if I could do it again I would have had a section anyway because I didn't realise until I got to hospital how anxious I was about giving birth, and it all would have been a bit less stressful and straightforward. I think the judgement thing can be in our head a lot of the time.

[3ChangingForNow]

If anyone judges you they are a monumental fucking twat.

[StuckInTheMiddleWithJude]

I had an emergency section with my first and plan to have an elective with my current pregnancy. I can honestly say I've not felt bad in the slightest about how my dd came into the world or any negatives to her birth from others (or my planned section with dc2). I think it's likely you are beating yourself up over nothing. You are safe and baby is safe. It really is no one else's business x

[SnuggyBuggy]

Surely people would be more horrified at the thought of trying to naturally deliver a breech baby?

[NoProbLlama78]

I had a planned c section and received some judgement for not trying but I was quite firm that I didn't care what they thought. No one who is interested cares when they have a snuggle with the baby though.

[PavlovaFaith]

Who are these people judging section mums?? They aren't handed out willy nilly. I had an emergency section to save our lives. While I opted for VBAC second time, I don't feel any less of a mum to my DD because I couldn't deliver her naturally. Equally I don't feel like more of a mum to my DS!

[mamansnet]

My ECV also failed so had a planned CS but I've never felt judged. If anyone had said anything, I'd have just told them what the midwife told me: if there's a problem during labour, forceps don't work on a bum.

CS in your case is a bona fide medical need, anyone who believes otherwise is a dick.

[willowsmumsy]

I had 3 planned c sections. It doesn't matter if they came out of my tummy or my foof. I still grew them and cared for them!😳

[LaPufalina]

I've had a priority (cat 3) section and an elective (cat 4) and have only had one negative comment on being "too posh to push". I didn't leave long between my kids due to my age, hence the ELCS recommendation, so I just replied that it was better than having a uterine rupture and smiled sweetly.

[ADastardlyThing]

I had one person say they would have thought I'd prefer a 'natural' birth. Shut them up though when I pointed out that unless you give birth without ANY medical intervention at all, be it one midwife and a pool or a full on epidural the works, that no birth is natural. "Oh yea I guess you're right"......no shit Sherlock!

[Redcrayons]

Interesting that Your own comments about it are quite negative. How do you feel about other people who have sections?
I had a couple of comments about not 'giving birth properly' but So what? Judge away, I don't care. the way they exited my body is one of the least interesting things about my DCs.

In reality, most people aren't that interested.

[NCPuffin]

Thanks everyone! I think I'd just never fully appreciated there can be medical reasons to need a planned caesarean (maternal request is totally valid as well of course, but that would never be something I would choose!). I had tried to keep an open mind about needing a caesarean, but had always pictured it as an emergency after an attempted vaginal delivery. I guess I feel a bit cheated out of having or at least attempting a vaginal delivery. I was really anxious about labour and worked so hard to change my mindset about that that I am just disappointed, and from there it is a small step to feel like a failure and assume people will judge. It doesn't help I grew up somewhere with a rather puritan attitude to childbirth, where there was definitely an undertone of anything that wasn't an unmedicated home birth being a bit wimpish... And yes, I did what is best for the baby, I would never ever forgive myself if the baby was in any way damaged because I wanted to experience a vaginal delivery (which would also be against medical advice - baby is large, footling and I've never delivered before so no idea if I could even if the baby was head down). This all happened over the past few weeks, the baby had been head down for most of the last trimester until then, so a lot to get my head around (and my raging hormones). To end on a positive note: I secretly love that my baby is so stubborn and refusing to budge, it shows character

[helpmum2003]

OP if anyone really judges you in that way they're not worth worrying about.

I had one normal delivery and one elective section for medical reasons.

Both ways you're a mother - comes to the same thing.

I wonder sometimes if this thing over 'natural delivery' is just the start of competitive parenting?

[Fatted]

Frankly, I think you're being your own worse critic and obviously have some emotions surrounding your decision to go ahead with one.

I've had two c-sections. I've only ever had one man try to joke I was too posh to push. I politely smiled and said that yes of course major abdominal surgery and my child nearly dying were of course the easiest option!

Most family and friends know there was complications with the first and that I chose a section for the second. They also know it wasn't something I did lightly knowing how set against a c-section I'd been prior to having him.

By the time they're older and off to school no one asks or cares.

[NCPuffin]

@Redcrayons I hope my post clarifies it a bit - I have never judged anyone for it, but I think I did feel deep down that it might not be the proper way to give birth. Awful, I know! I don't think I understood what it's like to have to choose between vaginal and caesarean delivery until I was faced with the decision myself - I figured there was always the option to try a vaginal delivery, even if it was a bit riskier. Turns out there is no way I am taking that risk!!! I think I was a bit arrogant but I knew better than to comment on it! I also now understand what people on here mean when they say someone was lucky to have an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. Mother nature works in mysterious ways and babies don't allow for planning!

Hope I don't sound like a cow, it's been a steep learning curve and quite the emotional rollercoaster this week!

[NCPuffin]

@Fatted definitely a lot of emotions, hope I've explained a bit why above. And ignorant arrogance...

[flumpybear]

I've never been judged and I had an emergency then elective section for non- engaged children /my age for my second who i didn't want to go over as I was 40 at delivery
I'd say I had a section due to breech - if anyone says anything just say it's better than a potential disaster!

Good luck

[NCPuffin]

@helpmum2003 Could definitely be the start of competitive parenting - I've surprised myself with the strength of my convictions about certain aspects of parenting that I've developed during this pregnancy!