AIBU to ask that my parents see the baby first?

[bbe89]

Just that really. Is it ok for me to insist my mum and dad get to see the baby first and DHs parents see it after?

[Armchairanarchist]

You can insist on whatever you want but with me it was which made it to the hospital first. My parents lived five minutes away and DH's 15. My parents aren't intrusive, arrived quickly were led into the delivery room and left after seeing their GS. The in laws arrived shortly afterwards. It never occurred to me who was first until MIL made a big thing about being first and then promptly burst into tears when told my parents had been and gone.

[ILoveHumanity]

just word it differently. It shouldn’t be about who sees the baby first as both grandparents related to him/her in the same way.

But you are with the baby, and you are giving birth... so ofcourse you feel scruffy and emotionally drained and tired and would like your parents support after birth.

Your DH wants to be proud of his baby infront of his parents. You might feel diffeeenrly about it after birth. However his pride and sharing it isn’t more important than your recovery.

What your feeling right now is natural. Your hormones are kicking in trying to protect the bond you have with your baby.

People might not understand it. But you have enough time to explain to them in years to come. For now, u need to trust yourself.

In the most loving way possible, insist to DH that you would like him to be patient and wait for you to recover before he invites people. The first day is completely hell with the lack of sleep and stitches and dilemma of understanding you are a mother now ... so you do need your parents support.. in every possible way... and you don’t need to worry about other people because you need to care about you

[SoupDragon]

Is this a case of “all grandparents are equal but some are more equal than others”?

[ILoveHumanity]

soupdragon here we go again. Not another poster shaming another mum and guilt tripping her to pretend like she doesn’t exist and that it’s all about the baby

[bbe89]

I haven't really worded this very well.
I'm having an elective section and my MIL has already stated she wants to come to the hospital to 'make sure DH and baby are ok' then she'll leave again... she's expecting to do this while I'm still in theatre getting stitched up.

Obviously I would like everyone to wait until I am out of recovery and have had some time with the baby myself.

However, I feel that MIL isn't going to give us a choice and will be there waiting whether I like it or not.

[ILoveHumanity]

But didn’t the “hospital” policy say that no one can come see the baby before mum is out of theatre and has had time to bond with baby first ?

Wink

Surely you can speak to the midwife and make that choice. I was given that option at hospital.

[ILoveHumanity]

If you want your mum there to support you with the birth and recovery as well as DH that’s totally your call to make.

Again I would make this about the baby.

[ILoveHumanity]

Wouldn’t *

[NiceTnetennba]

I was in recovery holding my baby for several hours post-elective section and DH was with me. No visitors allowed until we were on the ward, and only during visiting hours. My midwives were also good at shooing my room mates loud family away when it looked like they were overstaying their welcome. Hopefully your experiences are similar?

[KTD27]

Well if your section is like mine baby will be kept with you while you’re being stitched up you’re all wheeled out together and into recovery and it’s usyakky one person only at your bedside as it’s a high dependency situation
Once on the Ward (and they’ll only pop you up there when they’re happy) it’s different visiting but still in my case two people only and strict hours. Your MIL won’t be able to be hanging about recovery waiting for your DH and baby while you aren’t there. Much more likely she’ll have to wait to be told by your DH that you’re on the post delivery ward and can now be seen
It’s up to you both then who gets that info and when and how visits are coordinated
for us both sets of parents were waiting at the hospital and they came to see me and baby in turn

[LivLemler]

What is your hospital's visiting policy? Fortunately ours was a strict couple of hours in the afternoon and evening. DH rang both sets while I was in recovery to let them know all was well, he did ring mine first since I was the one having surgery.

Was only just back on the ward for afternoon visiting so everyone came in the evening. Hospital had very strict two visitors at a time policy, so the in laws came in first, met DD and had a quick cuddle, then left with DH to get some dinner as he hadn't eaten all day while mine had a longer visit.

[Bumpitybumper]

Agree with others that during my csections the baby stayed with me whilst being stitched up etc so even if the hospital did allow your MIL to visit during this time the only person she would potentially see is your DH. Once back on ward I would suggest that as the one who has major abdominal surgery you should be able to say who you are comfortable seeing. I personally didn't have any visitors at all (other than DH) during my stay in hospital and was happier seeing everyone at home when I had enjoyed those precious first moments with my child but everyone is different and you shouldn't feel pressured to commit to anything you aren't totally comfortable with.

[SnuggyBuggy]

Personally I think as the mother and the patient it's up to you to do what you need to recover from giving birth and adjust to having a baby to look after.

There is a proportion of people on here who consider you as no more than a surrogate to provide a grandchild. Ignore them.

[AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale]

So it’s nit that you want your parents to see the baby first but that you don’t want MIL turning up while you’re still in theatre. Perfectly reasonable.

Tell everyone you will let them know when you are home so they can visit. Problem solved.

[SoupDragon]

soupdragon here we go again. Not another poster shaming another mum and guilt tripping her to pretend like she doesn’t exist and that it’s all about the baby

No, you’re right, it wasn’t another poster doing that. Please stop making stuff up.

I asked a question and it turned out that what the OP said isn’t actually what she meant at all.

I think that way round it is to insist on no visitors to the hospital at all but for them to wait til you get home. You do need to ensure your DH is on board with this.