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Will you tell people when you go into labour?

(26 Posts)
LouiseofChalky Sat 14-Jul-18 21:19:08

Out of interest do you intend to tell close people (family and close friends) when you’ve gone into labour?

I am currently past my due date and people keep ‘pestering’ as to whether I’ve gone into labour yet. Slightly flippantly I’ve told people to stop asking me everyday as I won’t be volunteering that info up. When I go into labour I would like to focus on the task at hand, I don’t plan on sending regular updates out. My reaction appears to have offended some family members, am I being unreasonable? :/

OP’s posts: |
SockQueen Sat 14-Jul-18 22:18:18

Not at all! Do they want hourly updates on the state of your cervix? Just tell them you'll let them know when the baby arrives and ignore any further messages.

I was induced, so told my parents/in-laws when I was going in, but then nothing more until it was all over. If I'd gone into labour spontaneously, I might have told them I was going into hospital but no more than that.

kathrynelizabeth3005 Sat 14-Jul-18 22:18:20

Definitely not being unreasonable!! For some reason once women are pregnant they become public property. It really irks me and some of the comments I received while pregnant were downright rude and intrusive!

I can understand that your family are probably well-meaning, excited about the baby etc but they also need to realise that birth is a difficult, often long process and you don’t owe them anything in the way of updates!

Saying that, I was in hospital 3 days before and 4 days after my son’s birth and though at first I kept it quiet, after being in early Labour for a couple of days I was so frustrated and bored I was posting on social media not even caring who knew- I just wanted to share my pain lol

Good luck with the birth! It’s such an exciting time being a new mummy!

Nothisispatrick Sat 14-Jul-18 22:21:55

No I won't. Don't want my parents worrying and waiting, will be much nicer to announce it when the baby is here.

Britta1 Sat 14-Jul-18 22:25:40

We’ll need someone to look after our dog when we go to the hospital so will tell both sets of parents then 1 of them can dog sit. Will tell them to keep quiet to everyone else though until baby here and we certainly won’t be sending them hourly updates!!

LouiseofChalky Sat 14-Jul-18 22:32:07

Thanks ladies. It’s good to hear all your thoughts. I’ve been made to feel like I’m being selfish but I want to feel present and ‘enjoy the moment’ (if that’s possible smile
I’m the same in that we have a dog so will need to ask my mum to dog-sit, but I’ll explain to her that we’ll be in touch when we can.

OP’s posts: |
ChocolateTopping Sat 14-Jul-18 22:32:08

I'm currently 6 months pregnant and not looking forward to this. I will be telling my mother, father, and siblings. DP can tell his family if he wants to but I doubt very much he will. It's nobodies business and they should let you be. It is YOUR pregnancy. What do they think, that you will have your baby and won't tell them? All in good time. YANBU.

Armchairanarchist Sat 14-Jul-18 22:55:16

Three precipitous labours, we didn't have time to start calling people. Only DM knew with DC 2&3 because she looked after older DC and she very fortunately lived on our road so we passed her home on the way to the hospital that is only five minutes away. Second and third labours were well under an hour from beginning to end.

Wellthisunexpected Sun 15-Jul-18 09:08:17

We didn't tell anyone with DS until after he was born.

This time we'll have to tell the person looking after DS!

Tfoot75 Sun 15-Jul-18 09:16:23

Wasn’t going to tell anyone with dc1, and was in labour overnight with dd1 born early morning so the issue didn’t arise. If I’d been in labour for days then clearly close family would have known about it! Dc2, Dm was looking after dc1 so she knew, didn’t directly tell anyone else and gave birth within a few hours. It did cause some stress before first birth with visions of pil turning up outside hospital to be helpful etc but in the end needn’t have worried.

Tilliebean Sun 15-Jul-18 09:44:16

My family was like that. I said I wasn’t telling anyone, for the same reasons as you. No one liked that. So I compromised. I agreed that DP would message to say when we went to hospital but that was it until baby arrived. Everyone was ok with that and we both ignored our phones all through labour. All our family are far away so we didn’t have to worry about people just turning up. If that had been a possibility there would have been no compromise!

merlotmummy14 Sun 15-Jul-18 10:16:50

I told my mum purely because my waters broke at 37 weeks and needed her advice as a midwife. She told in-laws and my family. Wouldn't have told anybody otherwise as we got taxi to hospital etc. It could be a long 48 hour labour though so texting a good friend for support and encouragement can be helpful or to give your birth partner a break (even just a little smoke break) if they're starting to tire (I know it sounds silly but you'll want your partner rested to be able to give you their best support and encouragement during the actual birth). Just tell to keep it quiet as it could be a while till the baby arrives - we texted mum to say everything was fine 2 hours after wee one arrived (again more to ask advice about baby as she was underweight and needed reassurance from someone we trusted with 34 years experience in field) and she passed good news on.

lapenguin Sun 15-Jul-18 10:22:20

I had three days between waters breaking and induction working. I had no pain during that time at all. I couldn't imagine lying to people as I texted them and it was long and quite boring waiting for doctors to decide what to do next so yeah I told people
Even while in the delivery room I was texting DPs sister while waiting for the Iv induction to work.
Had it been a more natural and text book birth then no I wouldn't
It depends I suppose

Mammyofasuperbaby Sun 15-Jul-18 10:33:10

I plan on telling people for my next birth because my first delivery was emcs with no labour and I developed very severe pre eclampsia that nearly killed both me and my son. Every one knew I was sick but didn't know baby was going to be born immediately.
I need to know that my family know I'm safe and so is baby.
My sistuation is rather unusual but I think that every mother is untitled to announce/ not announce as she sees fit, so no you ANBU

Lymphy Sun 15-Jul-18 18:45:33

Oh it's so frustrating isn't it I'm 40+5 and I'm having daily texts from everyone if I don't reply I get further texts asking if I'm in labour, or pleading to know, I'm sick of saying I will let you all know as if I'd have a baby and just keep it quiet! So yesterday replied to every message saying yes baby boy born 13lb 4oz, I got the "seriously" and "are you joking" replies I responded with yes I'm joking, I will let you know blah blah, not had any texts or calls today, bliss! X

Glittertrauma Mon 16-Jul-18 05:44:39

I haven't given anyone my exact due date for this very reason! My son ended up being two and a half weeks overdue and although it was obviously well meaning, the endless texts and messages every day asking if he was here yet annoyed the hell out of me. I was extremely wound up/nervous/excited/scared and it was the last thing I needed. So this time no one has been given an exact date, I don't feel that it means anything anyway as so few babies actually arrive on EDD!

laurG Tue 17-Jul-18 16:03:44

I just gave birth at 41 weeks do I feel your pain. Its extremely frustrating being overdue is tough e Pugh never mind the constant queries. Makes you even more unnecessary anxious than you need to be. I had no twinges before going into labour at all and felt like a total disappointment for faking to get him out. We had no time to tell anyone as my labour was over on 4 hours. But I certainly wouldn’t have told anyone. You need to concentrate on the job st hand and whoever is with you needs to be focused on the job at hand not updating what’s app!

MonumentVal Tue 17-Jul-18 16:30:49

Hell no. My parents found out as they phoned home and the builders said we'd gone to hospital, and it meant 36 hours later they were incredibly worried despite being told after 24 hours things were just being slow.
Though with dc2 I had to call them so they could come look after dc1 - luckily that took much less long.

happymummy12345 Tue 17-Jul-18 16:34:20

No.

MrsMonkey13 Tue 17-Jul-18 21:26:07

I don’t plan on telling anyone other than my DH. I have arranged for a friend to have a spare key incase I need someone to pop in and let the dog out etc, but hopefully no one else will be any the wiser until long after baby’s arrived. It’s our first child and both families can be a bit overwhelming at times, so I feel like I need to put my foot down and have a few hours just the three of us before the chaos begins.

MeadowHay Sat 21-Jul-18 20:58:59

My contractions started around 4am the day before DD was due, I went to the MLU at around 10.30pm that night although when examined was told I was only 3cm so was offered no pain relief except for paracetamol and codeine and anti-emetics as I was vomiting loads and put on continuous monitoring and told I'd have to transfer to delivery suite when I was in active labour as I had a growth scan booked, was not re-examined again until around 4am when I was 8cm and transferred and I finally gave birth to her on delivery suite at 9.47am the next day. Did not tell a soul as was terrified about family constantly harrassing us for updates and also about people turning up too soon at the hospital to see us. I continued virtually as normal throughout the first day of my labour contributing to my family WhatsApp group etc so people wouldn't get too suspicious. The first person to be told was DH's brother at about midday-ish? Think it was just after we had our tea and toast, we knew there was no danger of him dropping by too early. Then I phoned my parents & siblings about 1 or 2pm when we were waiting for the midwife to finish her lunch break and transfer us to the postnatal ward and told them didn't know if they would be able to make the nearest visiting time of 3-4pm as we didn't know when we would be transferred so they could come 6-8pm to see us which they did. My parents and brother were all unhappy we hadn't told them about labour/going into hospital, my dad was actually fuming and 'told off' DH as well as me hmm both over the phone when I first called (he was the one who answered) and in person when they came to see us in the hospital hmm as if it was worth having that argument now that the baby was here!! If we have another I guess I will have to tell someone as they'd have to watch our current child but otherwise I see no reason to tell anyone else - who knows how long labour is going to be, mine was so long, and I really struggled with horrendous pain from around 9pm at night until I was all stitched up awhile after she was born etc. Also if you can't trust people not to show up too soon then again there's another reason not to tell people.

WooYa Sat 21-Jul-18 21:03:20

I wasn't going to tell anyone but I was a bit bored so I messaged a few close friends and basked in their love grin

DramaAlpaca Sat 21-Jul-18 21:03:26

With DC1 I rang my DM to ask her opinion on whether she thought I could be in labour & if I should go to hospital. It just led to the poor woman, who lived 200 miles away, fretting about me all day. I told nobody with DC2, apart from the friend who was going to look after DC1. It was back in the days before social media, so it was much easier to keep things quiet then.

NanooCov Sat 21-Jul-18 21:46:51

Didn't with my first (spontaneous). Did with second as I was induced and there wasn't much else to do to pass the time. Only told my parents and sister though.

EdWinchester Sat 21-Jul-18 21:50:09

I told my sister with my first and then really regretted it as she kept phoning the labour ward and made a nuisance of herself.

Told my best friend the second time and she kept me company on the phone for at least an hour while I lay in the bath.

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