I’ve just learnt about a little phenomenon...

[NotTakenUsername]

...called a (bloody) ‘push present’.

I came across the idea today when I was browsing Facebook and an old acquaintance was proudly posting her bling. This trinket was apparently a reward from her husband for pushing out their baby!

A quick google tells me I must have been hiding under a rock (not like her rock, just a regular grey stone one!) because these push presents are quite the thing.

Am I alone in finding it all a bit... I don’t know... off?

Maybe this should go on feminism chat, but I thought childbirth was quite appropriate too.

[drinkyourmilk]

My husband and I laughed about this while I was in labour.
Then when the baby was born he was an actual star- stayed up at nights rocking her so I could get some sleep, did all the cooking, hauled my massive are out the bath when I realised having a section and bathing were a bad combo.
I'll take that instead thanks.

[AutumnGlitterBall]

My sister’s friend used to talk about her baby diamonds which, to me, sounds slightly less icky. DH bought me an eternity ring once my fingers had lost their excess fluid so I suppose I got baby diamonds after having DS but I don’t call it that in public!

[AsAProfessionalFekko]

I was happy with a pret cheese and pickle sandwich to be honest.

[DryHeave]

I bought myself a present. Does that count?

[NotTakenUsername]

AsAProfessionalFekko not dh, but a friend brought me a packet of throat sweets when she visited me the next day. I’d been texting and told her I couldn’t take the gas and air because I was screaming too much...

Best. Gift. Ever.

[Dobbythesockelf]

The first night home with my dd my dh got me pizza. This time I've told him I want Chinese. Much better than diamonds after hospital food haha.

[MummyFoxy]

My DH helped me put my (massive granny) knickers on when I couldn't bend down after having a section, I'm happy with that.

[MummyFoxy]

My DH helped me put my (massive granny) knickers on when I couldn't bend down after having a section, I'm happy with that.

[NotTakenUsername]

I love these. This is what I’m talking about - a new baby is a team effort, and I think things like helping (hoisting) me out of the bath when I resemble a whale is how dh shows we are in this together. A reward gift would just seem so ‘him and me’ instead of us. (We are a ‘one pot’ family - maybe that makes the difference, I don’t know...)

[rubberducker]

Had 3 sections so I guess I don't qualify for a push present!
DH did get me an eternity ring after DC2 arrived though, maybe I should call it my section surprise?!

[mmmgoats]

Have you seen the brilliant terrible reality TV show set in Australia called Yummy Mummies? They are HIDEOUS. But talk about push presents as though it's a really common thing - one of them gets a Rolex and the other one a four by four. They talk about a woman who didn't get anything in hushed voices as though she died.

[happymummy12345]

I think they're tacky and pointless. You shouldn't need or want a present for having a baby. However if your partner gets you something without you knowing or expecting it then that's very nice.

[NotTakenUsername]

Section surprise!

[katmarie]

My dh lifted me out of bed on my third day of contractions, after I lay down and couldn't get back up, I was in so much agony. He also checked my stitches down there because I couldn't see them, and kept me fed and watered all the way through establishing breastfeeding, and he told me all the way through pushing out the baby, how amazing I was and that I could do it.! He got me through that labour and the recovery afterwards, and made it as easy as possible for me to breastfeed. those were the kinds of gifts I needed. He and I had a laugh about push presents as well, he thought the money was better spent on the baby, and I agree.

[Mybabystolemysanity]

No push present here either but did have a nice holiday and another car when she was about 12 weeks. Would very much like a five diamond eternity ring- one for him, me, DD, new baby and the one we lost before DD. Think my family will be finished after this one. He's just bought us a bigger house, so maybe not!

[UnmentionedElephantDildo]

My take from the many previous MN threads is that for a large swathe of people, it''s the traditional time to get an eternity ring (and of course you are in the 'all in this together' camp, it wouid match the your expectations of exchange of engagement rings).

Aside from that, flowers and consideration were much appreciated, as was a new charm for an existing charm bracelet that had been addded to on major occasions throughout life.

Quite a lot else was seen as rather tacky/vulgar

[CoffeeOrSleep]

'Teas always traditional that upper class types bought their wife some diamond trinket as a "well done old girl" type gift on producing the heir. It trickled down into it being normal for eternity rings to be given on the birth of first child (of either flavour) for nice middle class families in my mums generation, some before that as well.

Americans got the idea, named it push present and made it all tacky.

If good quality jewellery isn't something you can afford to give regularly in your family, then it's normally reserved for major life events. I would say becoming a parent is up there as the major life event of my adulthood. It seems more poignant to mark that than many others.

(I got a car for mine instead.)

[MustBeThursday]

DH gave me a chocolate orange when DC1 was born. After DC2 he brought me a pork pie and a gluten free brownie.

[Joeybee]

I don't like the term 'push present' at all. However I do believe that the person (whose just given birth) partner should treat them and make them feel wonderful, as they deserve, for being brave and strong enough to get through the pregnancy and childbirth.
My Husband has been fantastic the whole pregnancy, so helpful, patient and involved. He will be too at the birth. I think a gift from him after birth would really mean something to me, would really show his appreciation and love. I'm not thinking a diamond ring type of thing, more maybe a letter telling me how proud he is or happy he is, or something like a nice meal.

[TheLocalYokel]

Coffee "well done old girl" presents for 'producing the heir' (and whatever middle class manifestation of that you're familiar with) is tacky in and of itself, and didn't need to be made so by Americans. It isn't any more tacky when working class people or (gasp) Americans do it, than it is when 'nice middle class families' do.

What I get from your post is that it's a tacky English upper/middle class tradition, which some Americans and non-Middle Class English, and apparently yummy mummies in Australia, have now adopted.

Thanks for the background info, but you need to own it the tackiness and stop blaming the Americans .

[Chocolate1984]

People used to get eternity rings to celebrate the birth of their first child, is this not just the equivalent ?

[User0304]

DH gave me his slice of toast after i had our DS and I’d eaten all of mine that’s true love right there!

[PerspicaciaTick]

I came home to a gorgeous bouquet and a rather nice changing bag that I'd been coverting. I thought it was rather sweet and thoughtful of DH and showed he had been listening to me.

[FrangipaniBlue]

I always thought it was traditional to be given an eternity ring on the birth of your first child too...... that was when DH bought mine?

I'm not liking it being referred to as a push present or baby diamonds though - tacky as fuck

[GaryWilmotsTeeth]

When we had dd we lived in a flat over a shop with millions of steep stairs to get anywhere. I had a 48 hour car crash of a labour ending in an emcs. I was in hospital for 5 days and a wreck when I came out.

While I was in hospital DH had basically built me a nest in our bedroom. A little fridge, kettle, drinks, tv, snacks. Plus little old lady trays that you can eat off in bed. He dragged my armchair up the stairs with the footstool too. He brought me every meal on a tray, with flowers, he sterilised every bottle when I was having to mix feed because BF wasn’t working. I didn’t go downstairs for a week, just entertained visitors in my boudoir!

Worth an awful lot more than diamonds to me.