Labour- nervous and people's comments

[tlnejntr]

Hi, posted this in pregnancy earlier by mistake then realised this was where it should be! 5 weeks to go and I'm getting more worried as the days go by. Just need to let this off my chest. I even had a dream about the labour last week! I'm nervous but can't wait for my baby to arrive.

However, my dp (kids to another woman through section) and many of his friends have had wives/gfs that have had c sections through choice have been recently talking about how easy it is to have a section and that it makes no changes down there and they even used the expression "it could be a drain pipe afterwards, glad I didn't have to do that and don't ever have to again now I've got the choice"!!! I'm finding that these comments are making me feel even worse about it and I know I don't have a choice to have a section and to be honest don't really want one anyway, I don't like the fact they have these ideas of how downstairs area will be like that and it's making me feel extremely anxious about the birth, and any form of intimate relationship afterwards. I know downstairs isn't going to be the same, or even great straight away but doesn't change that much! But I know I'm going to want to be very distant with dp after the birth now due to these comments and even considering not having sex again as I'm scared he will dislike me and it'll be the end of us.

Me and dp have discussed labour and birth etc recently and he's extremely nervous and scared about this, he's never had to do it. I've done it before, but ten years ago and I can remember how painful it was, previous dp waited outside the room! And I feel like telling dp to do the same as I feel like he's worrying me more.

Sorry to have a moan, I just need to get it all off my chest. Nervous, anxious and scared :(

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I haven't given birth yet, so can't speak from my own experience, but I started my own thread after being scared by similar comments and got some really helpful replies: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/3254787-Getting-a-bit-upset-by-other-peoples-comments

Tbh, though, I do think it's a bit alarming that your DP is coming out with this stuff, and not just his idiot friends. If you really think he might leave you because your vagina is changed after birth then that's a really troubling sign about your relationship. I think you need to talk to him about this, and about how he made you feel - I suspect (and hope) he'll be mortified and quick to reassure you that it was silly talk and doesn't reflect how he really feels, which might make you feel a lot better.

[tlnejntr]

@LisaSimpsonsbff those comments were the reason I was so bothered as I was questioning everything, my whole relationship with this person as he was coming out with things like that without actually knowing what it's like. We spoke about it more last night as it was really bothering me. He said he's so scared about the birth with him never having to do it and doesn't know what to do in that situation. He's never seen me in pain and then he's going to have to see me in the worst form of pain. He does love me and to be honest I probably shouldn't question my relationship as it is strong, it's probably me just over thinking it as he's never had to have sex with someone who's just given birth or recently given birth so he has no clue, that's why I was overly worried about it as he may then compare me etc. But I need to stop thinking like that as I don't really think he will be like that, I think he will be more devoted to our dc than thinking about doing anything... fingers crossed anyway as I don't want to do anything!