Induction after a traumatic birth less than a year ago!

[whatsfortea01]

Sorry this is a long one.
I am just looking for Positive experiences after a traumatic birth, I’ve had my boy last July and had a traumatic experience, Everything went wrong during my labour, i laboured pretty much most of it at home and when I got to hospital it was all very quick. He was born with the sac water intact still around his head and pieces of my placenta came out at the same time as him, this resulted in a hemmorage, I had doctors rushing in as I was bleeding out and had retained placenta left, I struggled to bond with my baby and at the post natal ward I felt like I couldn’t breath and had palpitations I was convinced I was going to die, I buzzed for a midwife several times and they would just brush it off as being tired, I was put on injections for 10days due to the bleeding and from then developed into postAnatal depression, it took me a very long time to bond with my baby, I didn’t enjoy anything about the birth and to be honest I don’t remember any special moments of him being born. This should be a exciting and happy time yet I am here crying my eyes out. I got Pregnant again despite being on birth control. I still haven’t gotten over my last birth and it’s all very soon again. I pretty much pretended for majority of my pregnancy that this wasn’t happening but now it’s all so real since they’ve given me a induction date in 2 weeks due to medical reasons the consultant scared me to death with explaining how it all would work and that it would be much more painful than a natural birth being put on the drip to start contractions which would be more intense and more regular, I have to be put on several drops and iv fluids and monitored continuously. I am terrified to a point I start crying when I even think about the day coming closer, I am terrified that those depressing low feelings will come back that I won’t enjoy the birth like it went last time. I am terrified that I will get anxiety and depression again. It started from the very first night at the postanatal ward where I started getting intense strange feelings and wasn’t able to breath and felt like my heart was going to stop due to the racing feelings. I have 2 weeks left and I don’t know how to get through the weeks without being so anxious and scared I am unable to sleep as I constantly think that it will all happen again.

[Orchidflower1]

So sorry you’re going through this. Have you thought about a c section- would that be feasible?

[whatsfortea01]

Orchid flower- I have considered a section to avoid any traumatic experiences, but due to my little boy not even walking yet this would mean a very difficult recovery as I won’t be able to care for him for weeks after, I have little help and my H isn’t able to get time of work for that long.

[pinkginanyone]

Didn’t you take this into consideration before you got pregnant so soon again? What did your doctor advise?

[whatsfortea01]

I actually didn’t plan this pregnancy and was still going through postanatal depression, I was on birth control and also was exclusively Bf, I had a appointment for a more permanent method of birth control which is when the nurse told me I was pregnant already.

[Morgan12]

OP clearly said she was on birth control!

Is the induction 100% necessary? Like you have no choice whatsoever?

[PeachesandPie]

Not helpful pinkgin

OP, in your situation I would be asking for a c section. Do you have any support to help with your older baby? The recovery time from a planned c section can be quicker than that from a traumatic vaginal delivery so it might be worth considering. for you, it will be fine.

[Belleende]

I had a drip induction and it was horribly painful, until I got an epidural. Once that kicked in, I could relax and regain control, I even managed to get some sleep. It was actually quite peaceful in the end, even if it wasn't how I would have chosen to give birth.

I think you need to talk to the mental health midwife urgently and discuss your birth plan. The experience of your last birth will still be very raw and you could really benefit from some help with this. You need to know what your options are and get some support in getting as close to the birth you want without endangering your health.

There is help available, but time is of the essence, so get an appointment with your GP or consultant and get them to refer you asap!

[doleritedinosaur]

I’m so sorry about your traumatic delivery & PND OP.

With the induction did they say they would go straight to drip?

Inductions are also done with pessaries but go to drip if you don’t progress.

Can you look into hypnobirthing? Just a few exercises can help you feel in control.

I’m not going to lie my induction was a lot more painful than my natural birth. If you need pain relief take it, you can have an epidural before the drip.

Can you talk to your midwife?

[whatsfortea01]

I have induction booked due to colestasis which is high risk to baby, baby is already around 7.3lb according to a growth scan I had this week. I have been considering a section however my H is only able to get a short time off work, Also when I mentioned possibility of a section the consultant said they would only do it if induction failed. I have little support to help me after with the recovery which makes it difficult,

[helpmum2003]

I'm sorry OP this sounds awful - poor you. You need to have a discussion with your husband, midwife and Consultant about best course of action. If a section seems the best thing for you in your case then you can have one! Whatever you decide you need careful monitoring as you will be high risk for PND. Of course hopefully the induction will go well and you'll be fighting fit in no time....

[sycamore54321]

I am sorry you feel so upset and that your first experience was so frightening and traumatic.

Woukd it help to try to pinpoint the exact issues that you fear worst and see what you can do about them? Pain can be addressed with a planned epidural at the same time as starting the induction, if that's something you are interested in. If induced, it's highly unlikely that your baby will be born in the sac as often your waters are broken as past of the process if they don't rupture themselves. So you can ask for this to be done to avoid a reoccurrence. The retained placenta and bleeding are indeed harder to predict and to manage, but there are still things that are within your control. Having an IV placed as part of induction would allow immediate access for blood products and drugs if you bleed heavily again. Having a managed third stage with a drug to speed up delivery of the placenta can help tackle the retained placenta issue, and having an epidural if you choose that option means a retained placenta can be dealt with more easily. So maybe a detailed talk with your doctor can reassure you on some specifics. Personally I find monitoring very reassuring and would hate to be without it - can you see a silver lining in that?

But it sounds like what you most need is good quality, easily accessible mental health support for the period after birth. Can you start asking for that right now?

Best wishes.

[SundayLunchHappy]

Just so you know op, the consultant cannot withold a section from you if you decide that’s the only acceptable way to give birth. If they do they are obliged to arrange for you to see another obstetrician who will under the nice guidelines.

[whatsfortea01]

SycMore- thank you so much for your kind detailed message, I haven’t had much sleep worrying over the things that could go wrong again and reading your message this morning has lifted these worries. I will definitely talk through the options I have when I see the consultant next week. And discuss what support is available for after the baby is born, I guess my biggest fear is the depression coming back again. I’ve had very dark days for a very long time and I honestly couldn’t get myself out of those feelings I wasn’t able to bond nor enjoyed motherhood. I am hoping this time it will be different and that I would enjoy the birth and the special moments that come with having a new baby

[keepingbees]

I would opt for an epidural at the same time as the drip if you have it. I had a drip induction and I'll be honest it was really bad, I wish someone had advised me at the time as I tried to battle through on just gas and air thinking I was a wimp! Having an epidural in place also means that any intervention, if you need it, can be done quickly and painlessly.
I've also suffered from pnd. You may be fine this time, but do let them know your worries. Make sure your health visitor keeps you on the radar too.
I really hope it all goes well for you!

[SoyDora]

God sake
Contraception is free

And also not 100% reliable.
Helpful response . The OP has clearly stated she was using contraception.

[sycamore54321]

Best of luck. I hope your discussion goes well. Tell the consultant also that you think your depression might be returning and there are ways you can be helped even while still pregnant. And ask them to make sure you have really strong support after the birth.

At the same time, if you can, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to have the "perfect" bonding birth experience and early days. No matter what way you cut it, even easy uncomplicated births for women without PND are still hugely disruptive, often fearful events and the arrival of a new baby is massively disruptive and turns everything upside down for everyone for a while. So I really hope you can be supported fully in your mental health, but please also remember there is a very wide range of experiences between blissful instant bonding, and deep depression. The "perfect" experience is not something in your control and you shouldn't feel under pressure to achieve it. I sometimes find the mummy blogs very unhelpful as they promote this airbrushed experience and suggest that it is the same for everyone. You already know that your mental health is vulnerable at times like this so hopefully that will mean you and the people caring for you will be able to identify problems earlier and get support and help earlier.